Thoughts???

My major theme with ocd is contamination and that's mainly what I focus on with my psychiatrist but now I'm starting to wonder if the stuff I dealt with in the past that I dismissed where actually just ocd so someone pls tell me. - I used to have a thing with days having certain colours or 'vibes' and having to eat specific foods on certain days in 2021. An example is monday is red green warm colours and I can eat rice on Mondays but not Tuesdays. This wasn't a huge problem because I'm privileged enough to be able to choose what I eat so like I mostly just followed everything I thought because it felt write. I have a few things with food that are hard to explain. - everyday after school for months I would do a mental play by play of everything that happened that day and everything I said, every little bad joke or slightly loud laugh or almost rude comment I made and I would play it over and over in my head until I could make myself okay with it or parts of it and I would worry about it all night if I couldn't make it okay. This was every day and just mental stuff like I didn't do any actions except maybe sometimes I would text my friends and remind them and then ask them if what I said or how I acted was weird. But I wasn't doing anything like objectively bad I was just anxious. This was in 2023 (did not tell my psychiatrist this) -at the very beginning of 2024/christmas of 2023 I started having a problem with books and audio books which was very distressing because I've loved reading novels since I was 10 and it became like an actual thing that made me anxious. Like is started thinking I wasn't comprehending the words right or I would think I read something wrong even tho most times I didn't and it would usually be a small mix up.like if I thought it said blue instead of red and I would freak out and reread paragraphs over and over again and became super scared that i couldn't read which like fueled me being more anxious about it when.i tried to so I stopped reading books for months because it stopped being fun. Same with audio books like I would go back 15 seconds if I thought I misheard just one word and it didn't matter that 90% of the time I heard it right, that 10% is enough to make me feel like shit. (I mentioned the books stuff to my psychiatrist but not in much detail but she did agree that it is part of ocd) -more recently with social media and unimportant and feels silly but I have to do things in order like like the video then like the comments then save the video to favourites and if I did it wrong I will undo everything and do it again and sometimes I'm scared I didn't save the video right even when I stared at my finger do it so I go back and do it. I am pretty sure this is ovd but I never resist the compulsions because it's so easy and such a quick thing that solves the immediate anxiety I get about it also I will not be me mentioning this to the doc becuase I don't want her to think I'm silly. -minor minor possible harm ocd?? I sometimes get strong urges to hurt myself in like unrealistic ways that I can't imagine telling anyone like I used to self harm but this is like things that I can't do like smashing my head or stabbing myself and I know it's intrusive because I don't want that but it makes me super uncomfortable and like I need to do it. It only happens once in a while so not as frequent and only when I'm bored or overwhelmed.

the phycologist

Date posted: 30w

all theses things are what we call "compulsions" thats the "C" of OCD.... a compulsion only comes do to the "O" of OCD which stands for Obsession (in other words a "fear") so it always starts with a fear of something, and than we are compelled to do an action to protect ourselves from that thing that we are afraid of.... everything you described are compulsions that you feel the need to do bec. you are afraid of something, but you havent explained what you are afraid of.... if you dont mind sharing that "fear" then maybe i could be of help.

Sage._

Date posted: 30w

I'm not really sure? With the colours and vibes and days stuff it just felt right like it just seemed like that's how it should be and it matched. With the mental play by play of my day and overthinking and trying to make it okay before I could relax that was me being scared that I was weird or annoying or strange or a mean person and things like that. With the books and audio books stuff I was scared that I was doing it wrong and ruining something I love and that I wasn't reading right so I would reread over and over and stop reading altogether. The social media stuff is like the food stuff it just feels right like it feels wrong not to like them in order. The hurting myself in unrealistic ways stuff is just thoughts about it like intrusive thoughts I think.

the phycologist

Date posted: 30w

@Sage._ - ok thankyou for explaining. i think i see the problem here. but first i wan to let you know that its really all one thin.... your just acting on it in different ways.... there are many forms of OCD (many), most of them come from an irrational fear.... some of them (less often) come simply from a sensation that cant be explained.... like you can get a weird tingilly feeling if its not done just right, or get the chills and you feel lie you just want to shake it off your body.... but when you repeat the action then the feeling goes away and you get this 'ah' feeling....like relief. this is what is called "Order & Symmetry OCD" where everything must be done in the correct order and with the right vibe to it.... ( its a pretty common one actually) it takes time to heal and i cant promise to help just by these messages.... but the simple idea of how the healing process works by this one is by choosing one (and only one!) of the things that cause you these uncomfortable feelings and give yourself 15 minutes ( not more) of allowing these chills to run through your body and the tingily feeling you get when its not done in the way that vibes right with you.... let it be there for 15 minute and then go back to being ocd! Example: lets just say from all your symmetries (that what we will call them bec. you like symmetry) we start with the social media .... so next time you are on SMthe first moment you get the feeling that you must re-tap or go back and restart....DONT!.... for just 15 minutes.... allow all the feelings and bad vibes to be there, allow that weird tingily feeling in your body, allow the chills to run through your body allow yourself to get tight, and then after 15 minutes you can go back and tap the screen on SM as much as you want and repat and go back and restart the order of things as much as you want.... but only after giving it 15 minutes before you do so! and do this twice a day! and not more than twice a day!.... and after a month of doing it everyday you then move on to 30 minutes.... and then after that you take on a new thing, like the book reading.... it takes some time to get over all of it, but after a while if you do this process it will all be gone and you wont care anymore about "Order & Symmetry" Sincerely, The Phycologist let me know if you have any quesyions

the phycologist

Date posted: 30w

@Midnight10 - correct.... that is in most cases but if you read the back and forth i had with her, than in her specific case it does.... i know that a lot of therapists believe that its the same answer for each person.... which is CBT or ERP ( which yes in most cases that is the golden rule).... but i disagree ( and so do many other phycologist).... not every time is that the answer.... there is a lot more and deeper phycological ways in certain situations (and thats beside the fact that what i told her is a way of ERP....not for each patient is ERP the same) read the back and froth that i had with her ive explained why in her specific situation this will help based on the questions i asked her. you wont be able even to see the full conversation bec. some of the messages are responses to other comments she left.... but if you want i will share one that I've written up for someone ... and maybe that will give you an under standing of why in this very specific scenario that this can help as a preventive measure i will post below....

the phycologist

Date posted: 30w

@the phycologist - OCD comes in many different forms and the general order of things is O-C-D, meaning the "O" which stands for obsession is generally a "fear" that someone has and therefore does the "C" (compulsions) in order to protect themselves from that "fear".... they have the belief that if they repat there actions or do certain rituals that they are some how protecting themselves from that harm.... so for most people (with ocd) first comes the fear and then the compulsions.... thats generally how it goes.... for others sometimes its quite the opposite, where they feel the need for what ever reason to do things a certain way and its got to be don in this and that way otherwise it just doesnt feel right and there is just a certain vibe and its got to be done according to the vibe Ect. and therefore this person will do actions and rituals until they feel its just right and if its not done in that way then they feel like they will go crazy or die.... so in this case first comes the "C" ( the compulsions) and then comes the "O" ( "the fear" of something bad happening if i dont do the compulsions) its kind of like COD instead of OCD (but its still under the same category)

Imsexybutimi...

Date posted: 11w

Do I have ocd

Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help

please44I

Date posted: 10w

I wrote things about my ocd to say to my therapist

I don't really know if these will count as ocd 'proof' and I'm almost trying to prove to myself that I have ocd at this point. I really don't know. And these don't even mention my current themes (pocd, soocd) and rocd but its kind of stopping idk. So here's what I wrote do you think it's worth mentioning or it even counts as ocd idk? -Blinking in a certain way, breathing in a certain manner till it feels right, making sure that im breathing right, holding my breath for a bit again and again, made sounds that disturbed others (my mom) because of that. -Focusing too much on my eyesight and what i see to make sure I don't have symptoms of an Illness in the eye, checking my body reactions a lot and getting scared. Checking my pulse regularly for a heart attack. Fear of dying, researching random illnesses of symptoms I have -When i was a child I pictured my family dying a lot and got intrusive thoughts about their heads being cut off, especially in Eid El adha (where we basically sacrifice cows and sheep) I couldn't handle being there because I was scared that the guy killing the cow will accidentally cut my mom's head instead and I'd picture it so graphically. random intrusive thoughts about me doing harm to others but they didn't make me anxious just disturbed, fear that someone will get in the house and kill my whole family since I was a child that I have a slight fear of doorbells. Can be sensitive to gorey images but not always a persistent fear unless I'm focused on it. In the streets I get stressed out by cars around me because I get thoughts that someone will shoot me and kill me from the car. Fear of dying in general as a kid I saw a video that talked about if you see fish in your dream it means you'll die soon and I wasn't able to sleep for a long time without literally collapsing out of tiredness because I was scared of sleeping and dying in my sleep. -Irrational fears when I hear really loud sounds, as a kid I'd hear sounds of parties or so and it stresses me out because I got intrusive thoughts about someone playing party songs but killing everyone in the enjoyment of the killing. Doorbell sounds stress me out and I keep hearing the doorbell ringing in my ears a lot that I check the door randomly sometimes. -When I play games I have to do things a certain way and I can click on a button multiple times in a different pattern until it feels right, repeating prayers constantly until they feel right. Same with the breathing from before idk if these count -I question morals a lot, I'm not sure If it's in an ocd manner but I am really scared of being a bad person with bad morals, I get scared I'm racist and sometimes I see someone from a different race and I get racist thoughts like racial slurs or so get in my head, I question morals in general a lot and the idea of them and why they exist. And that makes me scared that I'm just a terrible person and I don't want to be. I can fixate on "trying to do what's right" too much that I end up messing up more -Immense guilt on things from a long time ago that I already dealt with. -what I'd say my worst compulsions are (pure o I think) : Checking constantly, feelings or thoughts or reactions. Sneaky reassurance seeking from friends and confessing my thoughts. Excessive ruminating trying to find an answer, can take so long out of my life that I can't eat or drink. Researching my thoughts and asking people. Repeating prayers in my head constantly even though I'm not religious anymore but I get so disturbed by my thoughts.

summerloveru...

Date posted: 8w

So...

I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Thoughts???

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community