Pocd and hopelessness

Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online... making me question every woman Ive ever been explicit and explicitly cybered with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s)" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we explicitly cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." I cant even be excited for the future anymore...

nalastonewood

Date posted: 28w

so… the internet offers a lot of uncertainty. anyone can lie about their age. you can continue the behavior you’re doing knowing that, to the best of your knowledge of what your cyber partner represented, you didn’t do anything illegal or wrong. take this, for example. i got my first tattoo when i was 16. i lied about my age, used a fake, etc. many tattoo artists would be concerned about this happening, but you also sign a liability waiver saying that you, the person receiving the tattoo, has been honest about everything you’ve said. i see this as a similar situation to yours. maybe they’re a minor, maybe they’re not. you obviously wouldn’t knowingly engage with a minor, given your concern about it accidentally happening. i will pose this. when i was 10-13 i would chat with people on the internet and tell them i was much older than i was. i don’t feel like any of these people did anything wrong, because i know i was misrepresenting my age. now when i look back on this, i think about how fucked it was that i did that, and how children shouldn’t be given internet access so freely— but otherwise, no fault on adults engaging in adult behavior in what should be an adult website. i hope i haven’t unintentionally triggered you. lmk if that’s the case.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 28w

This is very well put and I think this can help a lot for OP when it comes to clarity regarding this. OP, I know you've been posting about this for a very very long time. I've followed you and unfortunately you're still struggling with this, and I'm sorry for that. You mentioned that this was an 18+ server which means you'd only want to talk to people that are around your age. You only intended to speak with adults for roleplaying. Now, if this person told you your age but you STILL went about the roleplay, that would be entirely different and would be a problem. But the many times you've made this post you said you have the worry that you unknowingly cybered with a minor. You don't know if that was a minor, and you made it your intent to do the opposite in fact. I think your best bet is to just settle with that and move on.

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and anxiety

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

Givenup

Date posted: 15w

Pocd and triggered

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... This actor was accused of grooming, giving and receiving explicit videos of underage women, and harassing women... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont have any feelings towards minors in any way... the most i ever did was ask the 17 year old "what you bouta do about it 😂😂" when she told me to stop putting myself down when i was 19... i didnt pursue anything with her because of my age... im 23 now... i dont ever want to ever be with minors in any way...I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... plus now its saying that I called the second minor "cute" when i have no recollection of ever doing so... im also scared that I will get cancelled or being misunderstood because of this... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless...

Givenup

Date posted: 13w

Pocd and my situation

Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...

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Pocd and hopelessness

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