ROCD this Valentine's Day

I been dealing with this for a while but they were small compared to now, it would be a random thought every couple days and i would pay no mind but now for the last month it’s been from when i wake up till i go to sleep questioning everything. First 2 weeks was questioning if she actually loved me, now these last 2-3 weeks is questioning if i actually love her. It’s like im over analyzing everything with her and when i find myself enjoying time with her or wtv i feel guilty because my mind is telling me im lying.

today is my 5th anniversary with my boyfriend. we have an amazing relationship. he’s so kind and funny and smart and handsome and we really are best friends, we’re so supportive of each other. i just always panic thinking about what might happen if i don’t really love him, or if he doesn’t end up being “the one” and it’s so frustrating because i DO love him!!! there’s no reason for these thoughts!!! i’ve literally never had anyone be nicer to me!!! and i feel so terrible for thinking this way. the worst part is that sometimes these thoughts show up as if they are a “gut feeling” telling me to break up with him and i should just be single to relieve this anxiety. i don’t want to break up with him, i want to break up with the thoughts instead. i’m just learning about OCD. i have my call with the NOCD team in a few minutes and im really nervous but excited to get some answers 🫶🏻

is it normal to think about your ex a lot? My relationship was super toxic, and i was shamed for my ocd. i’m now in a healthy supportive one, but find myself comparing, rethinking about moments that happened in my previous relationship quite often. It’s starting to feed into my doubt of wanting to be with other people and be single.

I constantly worry that I’m being unfaithful to my boyfriend just by daydreaming or even fantasizing about other people and maintaining connections with friends I may daydream about. I don’t give myself enough credit for the boundaries I’ve set with other guys in real life. I think I’ve been pretty careful and respectful. The only place my boundaries feel blurred is in my own mind, but I still carry so much guilt about that. I know that confessing these thoughts would only confuse and possibly hurt my boyfriend, yet I can’t shake the feeling of disloyalty and I want to make sure I’m not being disloyal. I hate feeling this way, and I think it’s tied to my ROCD—something I’m still working through. I’ve come to accept the uncertainty of my doubts about loving him and him loving me. I now realize that love is ultimately a choice. I just struggle a lot with feeling like I disrespect my partner with my thoughts of other people or craving interaction with others. Lately it’s only become harder.

I am mostly fine with my feelings and thoughts at the moment. I am good on SSRI. Today I posted a picture story online, only visible for my bf of 3 years, with a lot of nice pictures of us and loving sentences. After sending it to him, I got a tensed belly and in general tension. It is so stupid. Every step I take in the relationship, I get anxiety and tension. But I know now that it has nothing to do with my bf or our relationship. It is my fear of showing love and commitment. So I sit through it and try to laugh at my tensed belly like " Are you serious? You send this to xy, he is your bf and he knows that you love him. He likes romance. It's save. Not embarrassing. No pressure"

It’s hard when ROCD collides with real event OCD… my partner and I have been through a lot in our relationship due to grief and loss on my partner’s side. It made my anxious attachment and fear of abandonment flare, which caused a distance between us. Things are much better but my OCD clings to those real events. It makes me feel that since those things actually happened, doesn’t that mean it isn’t OCD? Or is my relationship actually wrong for me and has been this whole time?

I grew up in a home with unhealthy familial relationships, so now I'm in a relationship and I obsess over it being 'healthy'. All the time. I've also taken classes on healthy relationships because I genuinely want to break my family's cycle and have a happy marriage one day. But OCD always takes it too far. I'm getting help and I'm getting better slowly. ERP works wonders. Any advice during this time?

Thank you for this insightful post! ROCD can be incredibly distressing, and it’s reassuring to see a clear explanation of how it operates and how ERP can help. The emphasis on accepting uncertainty really stood out to me—it’s something I struggle with, as my mind constantly seeks reassurance. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how someone can differentiate between genuine relationship concerns and ROCD-driven fears. When emotions feel so overwhelming, it can be difficult to trust our own judgment. How can we practice sitting with discomfort without feeling like we’re ‘ignoring’ potential relationship issues? I really appreciate the work you do in raising awareness about ROCD. Looking forward to your response!

I have been married 5 years and have known my husband for 10 years. I have a lot of overlap on ROCD with religious focused OCD as well. I often wonder if my husband is who I'm "supposed to" be with. I believe this has been a major catalyst to why I asked my husband for a divorce 3 sepparate times. This is exhausting for both of us and has caused so much pain and mistrust. We have our first baby together now, and I don't want my OCD to keep trying to destroy my marriage. My family and other friends have fed into my doubt and encouraged me to leave my husband numerous times, and so I have had to take space from them in order to preserve my relationship and peace of mind. I don't want to go down this road anymore. My husband has previously described me as always having one foot out the door, and I'm tired of feeling that way too. I want to improve my feelings of commitment and rebuild that trust so that I don't ask for a divorce ever again, and he doesn't worry I will ask for a divorce again either.

Can Rocd also be about past mistakes a partner has makes, making you spiral about whether this goes against your morals or values?

My ROCD makes me feel like my life is a lie or that I shouldn’t be where I am with my wife. It makes me question if our relationship is real or if I even love her. It makes me question and doubt every moment of every day. What is love supposed to feel like? Should I feel this or that?

Nah, Valentine’s Day is a super triggering day because I haven’t had a Valentine in 21 years. P.S. I am 21 years old

I hate it, it spiked up today for some reason and when I tell my girlfriend about it I feel better, but I don’t know how tell myself it’s not real when the feelings and thoughts get too complicated and real. I really hate this

I struggle with ROCD when it comes to my past relationship. I still love him and I always worry about him due to hearing about him using drugs and other things. While I don’t know if he still does, I still worry. I often struggle with made up situations where I get images of him being happy with his new partner (even though I have no idea what she looks like) and it hurts greatly. My brain often tells me how I wasn’t good enough and a bunch of other hurtful things. Mostly I just get painful intrusive thoughts of made up situations, or I ruminate about why I wasn’t enough for him. Valentine’s Day is incredibly hard because none of my other relationships after him ever worked out as good/long and I often end up thinking about him again. So V-day makes me feel so alone. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about my past partner. I can’t even escape these thoughts and feelings in sleep because I get nightmares usually about him dying. Seeing other people my age getting married and having kids (I’m 23) makes me so nervous because I feel like I’m behind in life, I desperately want to get married and have a family one day.

We have been dating for about 2 years now, we have entered the start of this year in the roughest spot we have been in. During this time I am questioning everything up and down and really trying to figure out if she really loves me anymore. I shouldn’t have to question it but I have that feeling in my chest, we have talked about it so many times neither one of us want to leave but anytime something small happens it makes one or the other upset we are both very short tempered people so that doesn’t help. I just want to get past this and I don’t know how to stop my thoughts.

Hi maam i am going through a lot i hope you can just help me a little here to tell me if its rocd at all or am i just in the wrong relationship? And like i am nitpicking on the small things where i want something and he does something else maybe not get flowers for me as much and not spend time but the reality is that i want and he doesnt so it means we arent right and that not ocd right maam? I mean its not just intrusive thoughts or questions it actual behaviour with feelings that dont match and hurt or whatever and if consistent complaining then is so right? And i mean these are things he doesnt do and like we dont match on so am i settling to just be cause i am scared if heartbreak cause my last one was bad and more like ? Its like he doesnt give kisses and stiff and that makes me feel like its not ocd but truly my problems and that we want and need different things but cause i have had ocd i am putting it under that and i am just brushing it and stretching this which will be bad in the long run?

i definitely still experience this and it’s so hard sometimes! lately my anxiety and stress comes through and it’s hard to cope with the fact that these doubts feel SO real. i go in every single possible direction expect the positive one. i’ve known i’ve had rocd for sometime now and its hard coping with the condition. my thoughts doubt my decisions with my partner, if i want this forever, bc i dont feel somatically warm and fuzzy does that mean something’s wrong, if i feel indifference or just “nothing” when my partner and i talk or when im away from them does that mean something. erp worked for me for a while but i feel that i can’t comprehend acceptance sometimes and i can’t understand myself or relationship in this headspace. its caused me to avoid my ocd and take breaks from therapy

My gf and I have had two pretty difficult disagreements a week apart. When we have a disagreement I tend to hold on to the feeling even after we have both acknowledged our part and apologized. It makes me feel disconnected from her even though I want to just let it go and get back to the lovey dovey stuff I struggle because I tell myself if I let it go she’ll do it again and I’d be a fool to keep letting this happen and I’m willingly allowing my feelings to be hurt. I know she loves me and is giving her best effort to our relationship so why does it feel like I’m just holding on and holding us back by thinking this way. I feel like I’m held hostage when all I want to do is be present. I know relationships aren’t perfect but it’s like sometimes I feel like my mind thinks it has to be. It’s really frustrating

I have ridiculous trouble with ruminating over a past event - being drunk and not remembering it in case I did something bad. What can I do to help with this? I try to say so what if what I fear happens but it doesn’t work. I’ve also seeked reassurance from friends present who have said nothing happened (I know that’s bad) but I just can’t sit with the uncertainty