Physical health consequences?

For many years I’ve had contamination OCD. I wear many layers of plastic gloves when awake. Take off a layer when needing to do things. Early last year it started getting worse when I began ERP. Much worse. Showering took 1 hour before, now 3-4h or longer. I always have to shower before bed because the bed is a clean safe place. But showering didnt feel clean enough anymore and took so long. I would get stuck repeating things over and over. The humidity was ruining my walls and ceiling. I’d stay awake up to 40 hours avoiding showering and sleeping. So one day I started wearing clothes covering all skin, plastic gloves, sleeves taped, hoodie on. That way I could easily just sleep still on my back on the couch. No more awake 40 hours or stuck in the shower up to 4h + bedtime rituals. But then slowly I found myself unable to do… anything. Stopped going outside, stopped talking to people, can’t even get up some days so I just lay on the couch. Fall last year was very stressful I think it broke something in my head. I don’t change clothes and I make sure the gloves last many days. My hands are suffering. The skin blisters and comes off. I think my nails are now separating from the nail beds, for real. I’ve also spent so many years holding pee when outside the home that now the pelvic muscles are weak and I’m becoming urge incontinent. Can’t do physical exams at the doctors. Can’t seek help. Can’t get out of the couch. OCD is ruining my physical health. ERP did not work. Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do if so?

Thoughts suck

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

Would you be open to considering medication? It definitely helped me in the beginning. It might be able to reduce some of your symptoms. Are you able to see a therapist? Doing all this alone, seems to be proving to be too difficult. I hope you can find some solace soon. I’m rooting for you.

NotGreat

Date posted: 22w

I take Bupropion currently but might quit and try Duloxetine/cymbalta instead. Afraid of side effects. I had a therapist but it was only 30min every other week so it was useless. I did around 20 sessions of ERP at a specialist clinic which didn’t help. I’m worried about my nails detaching. It’s so gross and scary.

Thoughts suck

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

@NotGreat The meds take 6 weeks to take effect. Bupropion with another medication was what shifted it for me. Lexipro with Wellbutrin is what I’m using. With good results. ERP was difficult for me in the beginning. Please keep trying. Sitting with uncertainty is part of the process. Plus, finger nails are overrated anyway. They will grow back. I’ve gotten to the point where I find my symmetry OCD pretty funny. Like, “yup I’ve definitely got it”. Finding ways to freak yourself out (safely) can be a good place to start.

NotGreat

Date posted: 19w

@Ghostdog - What is your dosage of the two? I’ve been advised against combining them. Fingernails falling off is so gross and scary even if it grows back…

Thoughts suck

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w

@NotGreat I can’t recommend dosage. Everyone is different. They also have one that specifically targets OCD

Kinu

Date posted: 22w

Dealing with Contamination ocd myself i can completely understand your suffering and pain. I know it's very difficult but we cannot let OCD control our life. I used to avoid going outside my room but starting counseling medication and most importantly sound MEDITATION helped me calm myself in such anxiety. You should definitely try seeking help of a professional. That's a must! You can also try some yoga to reduce ocd and anxiety. You can do it anytime even on your bed. You don't have to start from big steps but baby steps and please please considering seeking help of a professional and telling him everything in detail. Sometimes it's hard to explain what we have traced everything in our mind and did the calculation and analysis of how a thing is contaminated but you can explain him. You can also show this post of yours to the therapist to make them understand your problem better. Anything else i can do for you, feel free to reach. Sending good energy, peace and calmness your way! 🌸🌸

NotGreat

Date posted: 22w

OCD doesn’t control my life, it IS my life. You grow up around it until you can’t separate you and the illness. Google search a photo of “tree swallowing bicycle” and it’s like that. I’ve had ERP 20 sessions, different medications, several different therapists. No professional actually cares, they’re overworked and want to go home. I feel crippled by OCD and what is now also depression. No energy, no will. Can’t even shower or clean or call my family. Thank you for the kind message!

Kinu

Date posted: 22w

@NotGreat I completely agree, i have also switched my therapist for almost 5 times now, everyone ends up giving high dose of medication which makes me numb. But, from last 2-3 months i started therapy with a local professional who is not very occupied. As, he is not that popular. He listens to me detail, so it somewhere gives me hope that atleat this one understands what i'm going through. Few months ago i was on the edge, where i ha no will, no self esteem to do anything. I was in my room all the time or on my sofa, and had a very important exam in few days of it, which i could not give properly because of my OCD, i was constantly thinking about the desk, the pen and the teacher who touched my desk. But, last two months made me realize nobody really care, everyone is so busy and occupied in there life that nobody really gives a damn about our suffering. My parents sometimes end up blaming me for the unproductivity and unemployment but they don't understand my mind is already doing way too much labour. So, in conclusion i understood nobody really care, if i'm okay or is depressed. It's just me who is suffering and going through this all alone. But, i can still give a hope to you that you can still come out of this. I know it's extremely challenging but know that you can. Many people have done, i have been reading some amazing stories of people who gave overcome this. Don't try to be productive and do too much labour, but start with just one step, start with sitting on chair or anything other than your bed, it will give you anxiety but you have to be there for yourself. Don't be harsh on yourself. And, when anxiety hits, try some calming music and frequencies online.🪷🌸🌸

Kinu

Date posted: 22w

Be kind to yourself, and you can also reach out to someone who really gonna listen to you, or will be there for you. 🌸

lilmissanony...

Date posted: 24w

Realised I have Pure O OCD.

Hello, I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 25 years old. I attributed my overthinking to autism but I realised a few months ago that Pure O OCD is the most meaningful explanation for it. I am also an asexual, so I am, simply put, a shitshow of symptoms. I constantly review the past - particularly painful memories. I have a consistent fear of getting cancelled. When I was 18, some YouTubers I followed got accused of sexual misconduct and cancelled. I was obsessed and concerned for them. Others found my obsession strange. I did not like how their lives were ruined over accusation and no trial. (I was naive then to why public accusations are happening, as it is because the legal system often fails to address predatory men.) Even 6 years later, I googled one of them 240 times between January 2020 and April 2020. It was plain obsessive. When I burned bridges, I continued to search the people involved in my past dramas. Often multiple times in the same day with nothing new to see. They would likely be scared if they knew how obsessed I was with them. I have started doing ERP exercises. I wrote a script where I receive public false allegations and my life is ruined. It is forever googleable and I am a complete pariah. Completely unemployable, unliveable, even my family abandons me. I listen to it for 15 minutes on loop per day. What else would you recommend to tackle the ruminating? I wish I had this information at 18. I should have been solving these issues then and enjoying my life, not figuring it all out so much later in life.

bun <3

Date posted: 15w

everything around me feels contaminated :((

sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔

Contamination OCD

jupiter

Date posted: 8w

I don’t know how to live anymore

(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.

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