Being asked out

I have a question for the relationship baddies on this app. I’m so curious what your response is when someone’s making the initiative to ask you out. Like what is the right way in going about shooting someone down. Context: I told my bf before that if someone’s hitting on him or asking him out, wanting his number, etc. to not say he has a gf. I thought the idea of saying “sorry, I have a gf” in response is like saying “sorry, I would but I have a gf” as if he wants to but I’m in the way of letting him be with anyone (like I’m the one holding him back from wanting to date other ppl). So I thought just a simple no to ppl asking for his # is fine. However is this like an uncertainty thing? Is saying he has a gf fine and I’m just doing too much? :0 The more I think about it the more I’m like…wait ….Because it’s simple and gets the point across. And any other hypothetical I make such as (he wants to date that person and I’m stopping him) attached to that statement is just uncertainty I must sit with. What’s your take on this ! If u read this far ty <3 I hope my post doesn’t get taken down bc of the image….oops :3

Emma00

Date posted: 22w

I haven’t thought of it this way before I’ve always thought of giving that reason as a way of letting the person down easier so they understand it wasn’t them and that there was another reason so they aren’t so upset at being shot down. I understand your perspective tho

Chibee

Date posted: 22w

My bf is a very kind and loving person so I cannot imagine him ever saying anything BUT “sorry” before following up with his rejection. Saying sorry doesn’t always mean you are regretting the opportunity to be that person, rather it’s you apologizing for subsequently having to hurt their feelings by saying no. If that makes sense? Whenever I’m in a similar situation, I ALWAYS find myself reaching for the apologies….Not because I wish I could accept their feelings, but because I’m widely uncomfortable with the situation and want to prevent it from escalating by being rude. Saying sorry is just a customary kindness but it doesn’t have to have any meaning beyond that.

Chibee

Date posted: 22w

@Chibee also love the image choice lol i’d regret not saying anything about it

Enthusiast

Date posted: 22w

@Chibee I really like your pov of this approach I’m leaning into letting go of the idea that there needs to be a perfectly structured dialogue. Thank you !

Sitwithit

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

Ocd loves to control. I let my partner say whatever they want to.

Enthusiast

Date posted: 22w

@Anonymous I figured! I’m leaning into not making such a structured approach to this like it’s black and white

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 22w

@Anonymous This is definitely something I’ve been learning lately!!! A lot of my behavior at the start of my relationship points SO clearly towards OCD. I can’t even begin to describe how I was like. Honestly, I’ve been giving my bf “more freedom” and I thought it was out of all the guilt my OCD caused with other themes, but I think I’m realizing that I’m just relinquishing my OCD’s control on my relationship and my boyfriend. More grey than black and white for sure!

Sitwithit

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

@issphra 🫶🏻 It's hard. And sometimes I don't notice the control. I've noticed if I say certain words I'm like oh, fuck..that's Agatha (my ocds name) and I'm like do whatever. Words like should,check, be sure, what if, or if I have this feeling of doom..all Agatha (ocd). For me Agatha I believe is the scared 7yold child. When I feel myself going down OCD lane I talk to her and I'm like oh Agatha what's wrong? We're safe right now. Your feelings are valid AND we're OK. Let's put it to the side and worry about that later. Your brave and strong. We're safe now. I find saying it aloud helps more than saying it in my head. Might seem odd or weird idc cause it works for me.

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