Question of curiosity

TMI!! Hey everyone, I was coming on here to ask if anyone has experienced this before! Im in an amazing relationship with my boyfriend so in this post I wanted to ask this question because this is how it felt to me! I remembered earlier today I was watching this movie, etc. and there was this spicy scene in it (iykyk) and it got me feeling some sort of way. This has happened before especially if I’ve played a game or watched a show with some content like this. I felt really in the mood and started to imagine my boyfriend and I doing those things together and I sort of decided to (yanno, the m word) hopefully everyone understands because I just don’t like saying the word😭, but I found that every time I do that, that’s when my ocd is at its worst/peak. Every time my mind has tried to convince me I’ve cheated, when I self pleasure. I get in the mood if I think of my boyfriend and I doing those things I see in movies, shows etc, and that’s when I’ll do it, But literally I realized after I’ve done that at times my ocd is at its worst because my mind will attack me constantly asking “Is this cheating? Does this make me a horrible girlfriend?” If I self pleasure, I also want to add that I mentioned it to my boyfriend at one time and he told me it wasn’t at all and that everything is okay, but constantly I feel guilty for it and extremely horrible. Just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this?

poorspencer

Date posted: 21w

100% I’ve felt this exact way. The good news is that you’ve already done the hardest part and mentioned it to your bf. Depending on the relationship, some people might consider this cheating. However, it sounds like you and your bf don’t fall into this category. Knowing that your bf is okay with it is good. If it still bothers you, just remember what your bf said and trust him. I’m not 100% sure if this is a symptom of OCD, but I am sure this is a common occurrence in relationships.

Holliea12

Date posted: 21w

Thank you for your response! When I mentioned it to him before he kind of laughed and was like “Don’t worry about it at all.” And that was that. I think my ocd tries to make me feel guilty for everything in my past, and this was one of them. Especially since I tell him everything, I feel like if I don’t tell him every single thing, my mind tells me I’m untrustworthy and not a good person.

poorspencer

Date posted: 21w

@Holliea12 For me, it sometimes helps to put myself in my partner’s shoes. I would never expect her to tell me every little thing that she does that worries her, especially if I’ve comforted her and reassured her before. This is where something like exposure and response prevention can really help us. If you train yourself to always seek reassurance, you’re always going to need it in order to function. This can be really distressing. Try sitting with that need for a while. This is called “delaying”. See if you can cut your distress level in half. Imagine your partner was dealing with the struggles you are. Would you want them to always come to you for reassurance? Or would you want them to slowly build trust in themselves, so that they can be self-sustaining?

Holliea12

Date posted: 21w

@poorspencer Thank you for that, honestly I feel at times when I’ve went to him for reassurance about it, it probably added some stress onto him, especially since he’s reassured me before. It’s really draining especially since I think all of us who struggle with ocd tend to give the thoughts more credit than they deserve.

poorspencer

Date posted: 21w

@Holliea12 100%. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. The brains that you and I have are not easy to live with. But every day the load gets just a little bit lighter. It’s awesome that you have a support system. Just be open and be honest. You got this. 🤍

G06

Date posted: 22w

Lust while in relationship

Does anyone struggle with the OCD thought of lust while in a relationship? I get all these intense feelings and feelings that I want to have these thoughts with other people besides my boyfriend in my head yknow? And I’m afraid that these feelings are true and that i want to think these things but I don’t. I’ve been having a hard time this evening with this because the feelings and sensations I have on my body are really strong. And I feel like I sinned against him.

ughhhh

Date posted: 22w

I feel gross interacting with adult content.

18+ people with this thread please. I just want some advice from people who have experienced this. Its been almost 2 years since my real event and i can confidently say that i feel a bit better about that and my thoughts. (We still have bad moments but we recover.) but, ever since then and before, i feel nasty and gross whenever i engage or interact with adult content. Like this nasty guilt or feeling like i cant interact with it because then my ocd says “this proves that your thoughts are true and your perverse” and after i always feel empty and disgusting. Besides things like that, i read adult fan fiction sometimes or even write stories for my original characters. And yesterday i shared these stories with a close in person friend of mine. (Were both in college) and they were fine about it we laughed about it but then after i felt guilty-my brain was telling me “you traumatized her she just doesn’t wanna tell you” obliviously this isn’t true but im having a hard time believing it and this morning i woke up with a deep dread that i hurt a friend and im horrible. I can say that they’re more positive about these things then me and i think thats why we got into the conversation and i felt comfortable to share these stories but i just can’t get over it. I have a strong urge to ask for reassurance but i know it wont help. I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Ive spoken to my therapist about this guilt with adult content and we have yet to expand on it especially how it goes hand in hand with my asexuality. My therapist tells me its human to feel things like this and its ok to perform self care like that and again-im a human person its usually normal for 19 year olds to be like this especially for someone my age but i dont feel normal. I feel nasty. Does anyone else feel this way? How did you confront this guilt and how did you feel comfortable again interacting with these feelings and actions again? I dont really have a desire to do s*xual things often (im on the asexual spectrum) but when i do i dont want to feel like this. Especially when my ocd types effect it. Advice is needed and appreciated thank you for your help.

Jae18

Date posted: 10w

Question for people with SO-OCD

Do you perhaps experience things like being so frustrated and numb because of how much your ocd drains you ? Then you are naturally caught up in a compulsion where you’re “physically testing” yourself to lets say something you watched years ago that is usually against your orientation?? If you know what I mean ? Even though you know you are (your own sexuality) and are in a very loving relationship and you really love your partner but does anyone experience this ?? And then they’re faced with more thoughts about how they’ve betrayed their partner and how their partner will leave and if you also struggle with scrupulosity ocd you feel like you’ve committed a huge sin and betrayed your faith ? Again I get all of this goes against values and that the human body may still react to things we naturally may be against but anyone still falls for the testing and then has this awful reaction afterwards? And does that really mean I betrayed my partner ?? Thank you so much for your time and I would really love your insights as this is something that popped up with me out of the blue …

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