- Username
- Thoughtsss
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I know it started for me when I was a kid. Really young. Always feeling guilty about my thoughts or actions. I would call them “bad thoughts” when talking to my mom about them. I always felt relieved when I would confess my intrusive thoughts and behavior to her. She’d always talk me through it. I had stuffed animals that I felt were each connected to a family member. If someone touched any of my stuffed animals I believed it would effect the person that the stuffed animal represented for me. I couldn’t leave the house without drinking water or brushing my teeth right before walking out the door. Certain prayers I would repeat many times a day in order to feel safe. Having to touch certain things I saw while walking through a store or mall just to feel “complete” or normal. As I got older it turned into thoughts about my face and appearance. Then harm ocd then religion ocd.. then into existential ocd. Theme to theme. It’s been a roller coaster since I can remember.
I have really good days and really bad days. Sometimes I’ll go many months without even 1 ocd spike and then something will trigger it and it’ll hit me hard. I’m learning to face it, accept it, and most importantly pray through. Also talking about it out loud with close friends, family and my boyfriend helps so much!
When I was 8 years old I had a classmate in school who moved and I randomly began freaking out asking myself "what if I killed her but I don't remember!?" It was so obsessing that I was even having false memories of killing her. I broke down in tears to my mom and sister and they both looked at me like I had lost my mind. As time passed, I moved on to hocd. Then I moved on to scrupulosity. Then pocd. Then rocd. I've had all types of ocd ?
As early as around 8 I knew I had ‘rituals’ but they were a secret because I knew it was unusual behaviour.
I would stay up all night after my dad died because I was obsessing over whether someone would break into our house or the house would catch on fire. I was diagnosed with ocd then. And then a year and a half ago I started having other intrusive thoughts and I eventually realized that it was OCD. Even though I was diagnosed young I never actually understood what it was until last year.
Got a sinus infection. Started worrying it wouldn’t go away. Then the worry got worse then the sinus infection. Then the theme switched to religion and morality. That was a long time - and many theme switches - ago, when I was 19.
I discovered I had ocd few years ago but they were mis diagnosing me . Since I’m going through self harm/suicidal ocd they kept telling me I was suicidal and depressed but I didn’t feel depressed or suicidal I just kept getting the thoughts over and over but never wanted to do any of them they just caused great distress and anxiety. But I been through all the other ocds but just this one I’m currently going through has been the toughest to get over with.
Wow JM7, I can totally relate to almost everything
@MissK preach! They were weird in your own head and didn’t want to tell anyone...
What is your OCD story? I’m curious to hear about what other people’s journeys with OCD have been like. When you were diagnosed/what kind of treatment you have tried/what kind of OCD or symptoms do you have/what has helped you most? For me personally I don’t have a lot of people that I feel comfortable sharing my journey with in real life so I like having the chance to let it out on another platform. I’d love to hear whatever you are willing to share. I’ll start by sharing my journey. I was first diagnosed with and treated for OCD when I was seven (12 years ago). It started when my parents noticing that I was constantly smelling and washing my hands. I also worried a lot about my family’s safety and had a lot of magical thinking: I couldn’t throw anything away, had special walking rituals, had to touch things certain ways, etc. When I got to high school my symptoms got worse. I was re-diagnosed with OCD, dermatillomania, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. My OCD had morphed into just right/perfection obsessions (took me hours to do a simple homework assignment and I spent hours per day reviewing my interactions to look for mistakes), contamination OCD (couldn’t go outside, in my car, downstairs in my home, etc.), magical thinking OCD (knocked on wood over 60 times per day), health OCD, fears of losing control and intrusive thoughts. My life was consumed by my disorders so I entered a partial hospitalization program for OCD for 12 weeks. Two years later I was still struggling to function. I felt like I had tried everything. intensive ERP, 13 different medications, 11 different mental health specialists so I decided to enter residential OCD treatment. I was there for 3 months. It helped a lot to have the intensive ERP and 24/7 staff support. I got also got a much better grasp on my issues. I still struggle but I know how to deal with my obsessions and compulsions. I doubt anyone made it this far but if you did thank you for your time. I’m definitely interested in reading other people’s stories no matter how short or long they are :). Have a great day.
Is anyone's ocd contamination based? If it is, what's a story that really triggered your anxiety and how you overcame it or are overcoming it
How has everyone else's OCD progressed throughout their lives? Has everyone else always had severe OCD or did you live regular lives beforehand and encounter one point where it went from 0 to 100. Where are you now in your OCD Journey? I'm very curious as to everyone else's stories and have left mine below if you’d like to read it. From what I can remember, I went relatively undisturbed by OCD the majority of my middle/late childhood, only having about 1-3 thoughts a year that weren't super bothersome but did create a level of distress uncomparable to regular intrusive thoughts. They were mainly about my health and about my parents safety & wellbeing. The earliest memory about my OCD that really stood out was back in 5th Grade, when I hit my head on a swing set and immediately began reciting every moment leading up to injury as well as every math equation I knew to make sure my memory was still intact. The greater part of my adolescence was essentially the same and resembled what I believed to be a normal life, just with a couple of OCD thoughts sprinkled throughout it. I was able to function pretty well albeit depressed and somewhat anxious. It wasn't until I was close to my highschool graduation that I experienced the worst panic attack(at the time) at the idea that I would hurt my parents. It was so distressing because the thought felt so loud that I believed it was genuine which only caused more distress. I was so scared that I would act on the thought that I discarded all of my sharp objects and locked myself in my room. That was my first ever severe reaction I experienced due to OCD and was back in May of this year. I actually learned what OCD was the same night and realized that many of my newly found fears including mold growing in my walls and my parents disliking me were also caused by the OCD. Unfortunately learning that it was probably OCD wasn't enough to quell my fear and I engaged in a bunch of compulsions in the months to come, worsening my OCD In the process. June was alright. July was worse(I only had like three topics for obsessions which sounds great now). Late July-Early August was my tipping point . Things went from worse to profoundly terrible in a short period. I found this app late August which was great because I had grown exhausted. September was pretty bad but not as bad as August. Now it's October and life is somewhat good now. I've become more knowledgeable of OCD (big thanks to this app and my therapist) but I'm very far from done. There's still this looming sense of anxiety that follows me everywhere. I have like 20 obsessions now, some being larger and scarier than others but those smaller ones are still apparent. But, the fear has decreased as well as the mental compulsions that came with it. My mind is quieter now. However the anxiety has stayed the same. My heart still drops whenever my worst obsession is triggered. Headaches, brain fog, sweating, rapid heart rate, sense of being paralyzed, racing mind are commonplace in my life but I've learned to sit with the physical discomfort (not that it makes it any less terrifying). Anyways, I'm here now which is cool. I’d like to listen to others' experiences to get a better understanding of OCD and maybe feel a bit less alone. feel free to ask any questions.
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