Help requested! I’m writing a creative nonfiction paper on Pure O and I think it’d be cool to include some other people’s experiences so it’s not just me droning on about my anxiety-filled woes. The paper is, namely, about the misconceptions of OCD and the Buzzfeed “Check your OCD Radar!” quiz culture of “Oh I’m so clean lol I have OCD.” If you’d like to help me out either comment a story of how Pure O/misconceptions of OCD have affected you or something you want people to know about OCD. For full disclosure: the essay will be read by about twenty people (also pray I don’t get baker acted after exposing my intrusive thoughts in person to a classroom full of people lol)

I was just explaining to my friend today how scary mental obsessions can be. She was telling me her other friend with ocd has to touch the light switch a certain amount of times before she can successfully turn off a light. For myself, I get swallowed whole by my own brain and harmful thoughts, thoughts that I’m evil or a horrible person, I don’t deserve my life etc. This last spike I’ve been dealing with real event ocd, it’s the first time I’ve ever experienced this theme, and it’s horrible. Having an obsession based off of a past mistake you DID make plays into so many of the toxic traits of this mental illness, because you can no longer deny that you are your intrusive thoughts. It was horrible for me at the lowest point in this spike, I was confessing my entire life and everything I’d ever done so that someone can tell me I’m not evil. That led to delusions because then I felt like the people who knew my secrets were now teaming up and plotting to kill me behind my back. I was terrified to go to my family thanksgiving because I thought my mom was going to kill me. I was struggling with false memories because the obsession with the memory of my mistake was so strong, and I couldn’t remember every detail so then I started imagining I did worse than I think I did. Then of course the physiological affects from that was nausea, fatigue, fast heart rate. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat and I was constantly using the washroom (anxiety poops). I dropped a ton of weight in a couple of weeks and felt so physically ill. I had to be put on antipsychotics to get some sleep at night.

I work in the food industry and have always had a strong passion for it. I’m a baker and my OCD attacked food for me. I am struggling with contamination OCD and have a fear that all food is contaminated or covered in harmful bacteria. I dropped 10 lbs in 2 weeks and still can’t eat. Water isn’t good either cause I’m afraid there are parasites in it. On the outside everyone sees a skilled baker who is truly passionate about food. And while this is still true, I’m finding it really hard to even explain my struggles to anyone because in everyone’s eyes I’m fine... how can you be afraid of food and make it everyday?

I was so depressed and all I wanted was to find a support group because people just don’t understand it, and when I googled my area and OCD support group, the only pop up was “OCD Cleaning Company”, it made me so annoyed.

Doctor not diagnosing me with ocd and instead with ocpd because I have no rituals that could be seen and they were all in my head

I have combined type ADHD and pure O. It’s wild. I’m a complete germaphobe, but I leave trash and clothes on the ground and I am extremely unorganized most of the time. I have to bleach my dishes to get them clean, and then rise them 7 times to get the bleach off so it doesn’t poison me. I have over 20 alarms set in the morning and they are all even numbers, but I also believe I have a better chance of waking up if the numbers aren’t a :30 or a :00.

Brynquin, I also have an alarm thing! I have to set alarms every 5 minutes starting 3-4 hours before I have to wake up. It’s super annoying cause I am waking up at 6 am for a 10 am shift at work. Or worse, waking up at 1 am for a 4 am shift when I can’t fall asleep until 12 am cause of my intrusive thoughts.

I was told I had depression rather than OCD because of self-harm obsessions. My OCD was so bad it got to the point where I was running out of most of my classes. Another story/comment. My OCD was really bad in 3/4. I was vomiting everyday and I’d gone to the doctor and they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. It wasn’t until this year that I was diagnosed with OCD and started getting help (4-5 years later). Now I’m behind in simpler areas of maths (times tables) because I missed most of 3/4.

Here’s another one too: I got into a car accident when I was 16. A car making a left turn across a highway hit me while I was driving exactly the speed limit (50mph) and paying perfect attention to the road. OCD reminds me of that event every time I drive. Hold your hands a certain way on the wheel or you’ll drive off the road and hurt someone. Don’t drive 50 mph or you’ll get into a car accident. drive from point A to point B as fast as you can so there is less time for your car to explode. And many more... but each of these thoughts connect back to that car accident and I’m stuck doing compulsions every time I drive.

Also, my biggest theme is sexual exploitation/abuse and I’m a pan sexual, polyamorous person who is very sexually active. It’s not great when the obsessions start while I’m having sex :/ but I try to live!

Thank you guys so much for sharing your stories! It means a lot to me!

Also because of the writing rule of three I need at least one more story from someone, so keep sending ‘em in!