- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I was just explaining to my friend today how scary mental obsessions can be. She was telling me her other friend with ocd has to touch the light switch a certain amount of times before she can successfully turn off a light. For myself, I get swallowed whole by my own brain and harmful thoughts, thoughts that I’m evil or a horrible person, I don’t deserve my life etc. This last spike I’ve been dealing with real event ocd, it’s the first time I’ve ever experienced this theme, and it’s horrible. Having an obsession based off of a past mistake you DID make plays into so many of the toxic traits of this mental illness, because you can no longer deny that you are your intrusive thoughts. It was horrible for me at the lowest point in this spike, I was confessing my entire life and everything I’d ever done so that someone can tell me I’m not evil. That led to delusions because then I felt like the people who knew my secrets were now teaming up and plotting to kill me behind my back. I was terrified to go to my family thanksgiving because I thought my mom was going to kill me. I was struggling with false memories because the obsession with the memory of my mistake was so strong, and I couldn’t remember every detail so then I started imagining I did worse than I think I did. Then of course the physiological affects from that was nausea, fatigue, fast heart rate. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat and I was constantly using the washroom (anxiety poops). I dropped a ton of weight in a couple of weeks and felt so physically ill. I had to be put on antipsychotics to get some sleep at night.
- Date posted
- 5y
I work in the food industry and have always had a strong passion for it. I’m a baker and my OCD attacked food for me. I am struggling with contamination OCD and have a fear that all food is contaminated or covered in harmful bacteria. I dropped 10 lbs in 2 weeks and still can’t eat. Water isn’t good either cause I’m afraid there are parasites in it. On the outside everyone sees a skilled baker who is truly passionate about food. And while this is still true, I’m finding it really hard to even explain my struggles to anyone because in everyone’s eyes I’m fine... how can you be afraid of food and make it everyday?
- Date posted
- 5y
I was so depressed and all I wanted was to find a support group because people just don’t understand it, and when I googled my area and OCD support group, the only pop up was “OCD Cleaning Company”, it made me so annoyed.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
Doctor not diagnosing me with ocd and instead with ocpd because I have no rituals that could be seen and they were all in my head
- Date posted
- 5y
I have combined type ADHD and pure O. It’s wild. I’m a complete germaphobe, but I leave trash and clothes on the ground and I am extremely unorganized most of the time. I have to bleach my dishes to get them clean, and then rise them 7 times to get the bleach off so it doesn’t poison me. I have over 20 alarms set in the morning and they are all even numbers, but I also believe I have a better chance of waking up if the numbers aren’t a :30 or a :00.
- Date posted
- 5y
I realize this doesn’t sound “pure O” but I really am a mainly obsessive person. It’s hard to keep many compulsions with the adhd. Lol
- Date posted
- 5y
Brynquin, I also have an alarm thing! I have to set alarms every 5 minutes starting 3-4 hours before I have to wake up. It’s super annoying cause I am waking up at 6 am for a 10 am shift at work. Or worse, waking up at 1 am for a 4 am shift when I can’t fall asleep until 12 am cause of my intrusive thoughts.
- Date posted
- 5y
I was told I had depression rather than OCD because of self-harm obsessions. My OCD was so bad it got to the point where I was running out of most of my classes. Another story/comment. My OCD was really bad in 3/4. I was vomiting everyday and I’d gone to the doctor and they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. It wasn’t until this year that I was diagnosed with OCD and started getting help (4-5 years later). Now I’m behind in simpler areas of maths (times tables) because I missed most of 3/4.
- Date posted
- 5y
Here’s another one too: I got into a car accident when I was 16. A car making a left turn across a highway hit me while I was driving exactly the speed limit (50mph) and paying perfect attention to the road. OCD reminds me of that event every time I drive. Hold your hands a certain way on the wheel or you’ll drive off the road and hurt someone. Don’t drive 50 mph or you’ll get into a car accident. drive from point A to point B as fast as you can so there is less time for your car to explode. And many more... but each of these thoughts connect back to that car accident and I’m stuck doing compulsions every time I drive.
- Date posted
- 5y
Also, my biggest theme is sexual exploitation/abuse and I’m a pan sexual, polyamorous person who is very sexually active. It’s not great when the obsessions start while I’m having sex :/ but I try to live!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you guys so much for sharing your stories! It means a lot to me!
- Date posted
- 5y
Also because of the writing rule of three I need at least one more story from someone, so keep sending ‘em in!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I'm sry if this may make people worry or feel uncomfortable in advance! Hello everyone as u can see I struggle with ocd and I HATE IT WITH MY LIFE , it started in 2020 covid obv contamination ocd started here , I used to carry alcohol everywhere and used to wash my hands so much that it bled ( had to wear gloves to cover it so friends or family won't see it ) and everything else started since then , harm ocd with myself or friends I couldn't hold a knife..it was really hard..and I have unwanted sexual thoughts ocd , I have panic attacks bc of this..I sometimes cannot look people into their eyes and its so random and so scary..thoughts about.. 🍇..whether it's me or I'm gonna harm someone else uk..I sometimes cannot function properly.. unfortunately friends don't understand it rather think it's about " perfectionism "..I wrote those thoughts and stuff in a journal in more details ofc and doodle ( I'm scared someone will find it ) I hate myself tbh and I don't think someone will read this... I suspect I have ADHD with all this but ocd is " ur faking it " even though lots of people have hinted about it , I thought I actually killed someone for 2 years a girl..until I realized what HOCD is , I thought I faked my ocd too in fact , I have perfectionism ocd too it's bad and I HATE PURE O it's so DRAINING uk.. also idk if this has caused a problem for anyone but if y'all know the Truman show ( basically if u don't know the main character is being filmed and his life is fake and he doesn't know it ) THAT MOVIE HAS HARMED ME SO BADLY FOR YEARS that until today I have to check in the bathroom if there are cameras cuz like ocd makes me think I'm living in a fake world , I used to think people around me , everyone was like a Ai model or smth.. everytime until today I have to clean the toilet seat bc it may be dirty..I have been taking up to 5 showers a day cuz maybe I'm dirty..that's it for today tysm if u read this till the end I'd like to know ur thoughts if u got tips or have similar experiences ! 🤗 U get a chocolate bar 🍫 bc u earned it bc ik how ocd is so frustrating ( I also noticed everyone who has ocd is so nice right 😆! )
- Date posted
- 18w
If you are anything like me (and most of you are, because let’s face it, we are all on this chat), you have OCD. Real OCD, not the organisation, matching colours everyone thinks it is. Real OCD. I’ve always known I was different, known that my brain does some waking things and deep down, I’ve always known I’ve had OCD. But there is just something that changes when you finally get the diagnosis. It makes more sense, you have an explanation for your behaviours. So naturally I told my friends. When they ask why I had to stop and step four times on a tile I said ‘oh, I have OCD’. I finally had a word, a tangible concept that I could explain to people. But nobody warned me about the massive misconceptions about OCD. Instead of support or acceptance, my friends seemed to question the diagnosis saying ‘that’s not ocd, don’t you just like things organised?’. And no matter how much I explain it they don’t seem to get it. And that’s the part that feels so cruel. I go through hell in my head and it can all be reduced to a phrase of ‘oh, aren’t you organised’. So please be careful out there you guys, and if someone try’s to downplay your experience, know that you are valid and that what you are going through is probably something that they could never handle. It’s a lesson that took me time to learn, but it’s important because our experience matters. Our real experience.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hello everyone! This is my first post since downloading the NOCD app and wanted to share a little about my life with OCD. I was first diagnosed when I was 17 but truly started noticing there was something going on with me as early as 10. To summarize: I have the repetitive ritualistic type of OCD. Basically, I have a fear of becoming other people. I believe that if I perform an action, like turning off the sink or closing a door, or even breathing in and out while thinking about somebody, especially someone that I dislike, that eventually I will become just like that person or experience something they've been through that is negative; like health issues, personality issues, or social status decline. Simple example: I know this one dude named Richard, I worked with him in retail, and he told me about how his brother died at a young age. Now, it’s nighttime, and with that new information known about Richard, I believe, that If I take my contact out while thinking of Richard, or an image of him appears in my head while I’m taking out my contact, I believe that MY brother is going to eventually die too. What’s the solution?: I worked with another kid in retail. His name is Mikey, he was decently put together, and his brother didn’t die. So that means: Now with my contact still on my finger, I put it to my eyeball, and keep tapping at my eyeball with my contact while trying to get an image of Mikey perfectly timed, so that I can cancel out the image of Richard and save my brothers life. This is a challenge because the image of Richard, or I should say, the fear that my brother could die from this thought, is strong, and often times I have to think of other people (from other life experiences) along with Mikey just to feel confident that I got the image cancelled enough to move forward. Every day, I complete many actions and with every action comes a thought or image of some person I’ve encountered in my life that I’m either afraid of becoming or obtaining the same negative life experiences, which therefore means I also have all the othet people in my mind, at the ready, that cancel them out too. Every day I cancel people out and repeat actions disguised to the public. Sometimes it’s noticeable, but knowing how to cover your ugly side while making sure you don’t mess up your future with the wrong thought is just what I call life. I’m a man with a thousand people in his head and its been an EXHAUSTING journey. But through therapy and acceptance of myself, I have found a way to love with it. Like anything else, there are horrible days and okay days, but this is apart of me forever and im lucky to share it all with you! Can anyone relate?? Feel free to comment or reach out! - Matt
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