- Username
- erin174
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I was just explaining to my friend today how scary mental obsessions can be. She was telling me her other friend with ocd has to touch the light switch a certain amount of times before she can successfully turn off a light. For myself, I get swallowed whole by my own brain and harmful thoughts, thoughts that I’m evil or a horrible person, I don’t deserve my life etc. This last spike I’ve been dealing with real event ocd, it’s the first time I’ve ever experienced this theme, and it’s horrible. Having an obsession based off of a past mistake you DID make plays into so many of the toxic traits of this mental illness, because you can no longer deny that you are your intrusive thoughts. It was horrible for me at the lowest point in this spike, I was confessing my entire life and everything I’d ever done so that someone can tell me I’m not evil. That led to delusions because then I felt like the people who knew my secrets were now teaming up and plotting to kill me behind my back. I was terrified to go to my family thanksgiving because I thought my mom was going to kill me. I was struggling with false memories because the obsession with the memory of my mistake was so strong, and I couldn’t remember every detail so then I started imagining I did worse than I think I did. Then of course the physiological affects from that was nausea, fatigue, fast heart rate. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat and I was constantly using the washroom (anxiety poops). I dropped a ton of weight in a couple of weeks and felt so physically ill. I had to be put on antipsychotics to get some sleep at night.
I work in the food industry and have always had a strong passion for it. I’m a baker and my OCD attacked food for me. I am struggling with contamination OCD and have a fear that all food is contaminated or covered in harmful bacteria. I dropped 10 lbs in 2 weeks and still can’t eat. Water isn’t good either cause I’m afraid there are parasites in it. On the outside everyone sees a skilled baker who is truly passionate about food. And while this is still true, I’m finding it really hard to even explain my struggles to anyone because in everyone’s eyes I’m fine... how can you be afraid of food and make it everyday?
I was so depressed and all I wanted was to find a support group because people just don’t understand it, and when I googled my area and OCD support group, the only pop up was “OCD Cleaning Company”, it made me so annoyed.
Doctor not diagnosing me with ocd and instead with ocpd because I have no rituals that could be seen and they were all in my head
I have combined type ADHD and pure O. It’s wild. I’m a complete germaphobe, but I leave trash and clothes on the ground and I am extremely unorganized most of the time. I have to bleach my dishes to get them clean, and then rise them 7 times to get the bleach off so it doesn’t poison me. I have over 20 alarms set in the morning and they are all even numbers, but I also believe I have a better chance of waking up if the numbers aren’t a :30 or a :00.
I realize this doesn’t sound “pure O” but I really am a mainly obsessive person. It’s hard to keep many compulsions with the adhd. Lol
Brynquin, I also have an alarm thing! I have to set alarms every 5 minutes starting 3-4 hours before I have to wake up. It’s super annoying cause I am waking up at 6 am for a 10 am shift at work. Or worse, waking up at 1 am for a 4 am shift when I can’t fall asleep until 12 am cause of my intrusive thoughts.
I was told I had depression rather than OCD because of self-harm obsessions. My OCD was so bad it got to the point where I was running out of most of my classes. Another story/comment. My OCD was really bad in 3/4. I was vomiting everyday and I’d gone to the doctor and they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. It wasn’t until this year that I was diagnosed with OCD and started getting help (4-5 years later). Now I’m behind in simpler areas of maths (times tables) because I missed most of 3/4.
Here’s another one too: I got into a car accident when I was 16. A car making a left turn across a highway hit me while I was driving exactly the speed limit (50mph) and paying perfect attention to the road. OCD reminds me of that event every time I drive. Hold your hands a certain way on the wheel or you’ll drive off the road and hurt someone. Don’t drive 50 mph or you’ll get into a car accident. drive from point A to point B as fast as you can so there is less time for your car to explode. And many more... but each of these thoughts connect back to that car accident and I’m stuck doing compulsions every time I drive.
Also, my biggest theme is sexual exploitation/abuse and I’m a pan sexual, polyamorous person who is very sexually active. It’s not great when the obsessions start while I’m having sex :/ but I try to live!
Thank you guys so much for sharing your stories! It means a lot to me!
Also because of the writing rule of three I need at least one more story from someone, so keep sending ‘em in!
What is your OCD story? I’m curious to hear about what other people’s journeys with OCD have been like. When you were diagnosed/what kind of treatment you have tried/what kind of OCD or symptoms do you have/what has helped you most? For me personally I don’t have a lot of people that I feel comfortable sharing my journey with in real life so I like having the chance to let it out on another platform. I’d love to hear whatever you are willing to share. I’ll start by sharing my journey. I was first diagnosed with and treated for OCD when I was seven (12 years ago). It started when my parents noticing that I was constantly smelling and washing my hands. I also worried a lot about my family’s safety and had a lot of magical thinking: I couldn’t throw anything away, had special walking rituals, had to touch things certain ways, etc. When I got to high school my symptoms got worse. I was re-diagnosed with OCD, dermatillomania, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. My OCD had morphed into just right/perfection obsessions (took me hours to do a simple homework assignment and I spent hours per day reviewing my interactions to look for mistakes), contamination OCD (couldn’t go outside, in my car, downstairs in my home, etc.), magical thinking OCD (knocked on wood over 60 times per day), health OCD, fears of losing control and intrusive thoughts. My life was consumed by my disorders so I entered a partial hospitalization program for OCD for 12 weeks. Two years later I was still struggling to function. I felt like I had tried everything. intensive ERP, 13 different medications, 11 different mental health specialists so I decided to enter residential OCD treatment. I was there for 3 months. It helped a lot to have the intensive ERP and 24/7 staff support. I got also got a much better grasp on my issues. I still struggle but I know how to deal with my obsessions and compulsions. I doubt anyone made it this far but if you did thank you for your time. I’m definitely interested in reading other people’s stories no matter how short or long they are :). Have a great day.
*Q + A* Hi Everyone! My name is Kerry and I have suffered from severe OCD since 2008. It came on after a bad car accident and I had shown no signs prior to that. I was 17 and now I’m 28. I saw many therapists untrained in OCD, and it wasn’t until I met an OCD Specialist and went through weeks of intensive therapy using ERP that I started to really question the connection between my obsessions and the effect I had on my reality by performing my compulsions which were totally random (anything you can think of!) I mainly suffer from magical thinking OCD which is basically like “superstition on steroids” - it follows along and targets with my everyday anxieties and my obsessions try and tell me if I perform certain, ever changing compulsions, that I can make or prevent things from happening. This has morphed into multiple themes of OCD, but also follows along with my real life which is hard. BUT I can honestly say I am in a state of ongoing recovery from OCD because I truly understand it’s sick game now and I am able to stop it in it’s tracks before performing compulsions. I’m not perfect and will always have OCD, but I wanted to open up a Q + A session today for you all to ask any questions you may have for me. To give you all some hope, I just published my OCD memoir “The Obsessive Outsider” and I’m so thankful to have added a resource to our world from a sufferer’s perspective. My goal is to eventually help you all get to a point where you can share your stories like I have because it’s so empowering. Hit me with your questions, friends!
Hey. I’m not a therapist or anything, but I love helping people. I was diagnosed with OCD about 10 years ago and I have been through many therapists and exposures since. I’d like to think that I know a lot about treating OCD and that my knowledge or experiences could help other people. Please comment below if you need any advice. I have lots of experience with HOCD and compulsions in general. I know that OCD can be hard because I have it, but it’s made me a stronger person and it’s taught me a lot that I’d love to share.
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