Help plee

I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and uncertainty I think I’m really struggling right now. I was in my alone time (self pleasure) and obviously like whenever you’re doing your thing you might have fantasies or whatever and that’s what came into my mind in the moment and then all of a sudden I get a flashback from a scene from pretty little liars came into my mind where Emily kisses Ali on the neck. In pilot actor who played Allison was 12 years old, which the pilot was the first episode I believe but in the rest of the season of season one she was 13 and that flashback was in season one as well after the pilot and I’m really worried that I might have self pleasure to myself to that scene even though I knew all this time that she was 13 in that scene and I don’t feel comfortable because I’m 16 and even though like it’s not too much of an age gap it’s still polished me and I’m scared to death right now, but I didn’t panic immediately because I think I somewhat kinda knew in the moment that I probably didn’t do anything bad but I am not 100% sure and then the more I thought about it, I started to panic even more and now I’m panicking even more now and I feel like a really big pedo, and I keep searching and googling and trying to check for her age to see how old she was in that scene and I’m pretty sure she was 13 but I promise I wasn’t intentionally thinking oh yeah I’m gonna self pressure myself to this scene regardlessof her age. No, I’m just afraid I probably did without even like realizing or registering the thought in my mind, but then at the same time I kind of feel like maybe I was just coexisting with a thought and now I’m scared I’m really scared guys.

I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?

So one day a couple months ago I saw some posts on threads pop up on instagram and they said I’m 17 and horny and 18 and horny or I think I even remember see a 16 year old one. I’m 20 and I remembered that when those popped up I clicked on them and I don’t know if I did it out of true attraction or out of the urge to make my anxiety go away. I feel like often times if I see something that says any number under 18 even if it has nothing to do with age it could be talking about season 17 of a tv show my mind immediately goes what?? 17??? And then I click on it to make my anxiety go away. So when I remembered all of this I downloaded the threads app because I wanted to see if I could get reassurance and see if I could rekindle how I felt in these moments. When I opened the app all I saw was posts like that but everyone claimed to be 18. The only problem is none of the girls looked 18 they looked like 14-16 so I started to panic I and worry that because I clicked on the threads in the past it popped up more and I was a pedophile for that. All of the accounts all pretty much had only fans links so at that point I was like well they have to be 18 then but now I’m worried that maybe it’s a scammer and they are using underage pictures of girls and putting them on onlyfans. Which I know is out of my control but I just feel like a Pedo and like I did something wrong. Does anyone have any advice? Or have any similar situations/ similarities with this?