Comorbidity OCD and BPD

@ashazalia I am not diagnosed with BPD, however I can relate to this so much but with a friend of mine (who I like more than a friend but she doesn’t anymore and she likes a boy from our school). I feel like every single thought is centered around this situation and it is absolutely killing me, one minute I hate her for it and the next I feel the urge to confess to her (again) and I get soooo many unwanted pictures of the two even tho they’re not even together yet.

@sarah.ek oh I absolutely understand that. My partner used to be friends with a girl I didn’t like. I kept asking her to stop being friends with her and she eventually did after the girl started harassing me online. She apologized but my head is still trying to convince me they’re still in contact, or in a secret relationship, and showing SO many unwanted mental images of the two as well. I keep it all to myself but it KILLS me

@ashazalia This may be a bit of very detailed oversharing now so if you feel like this could overwhelm you or even trigger you can definitely skip this reply, it doesn’t contain detailed depiction of thoughts but still. This is just kind of the reason why Idk if I only have OCD or if I should get checked for BPD aswell as emotional dependency is (as far as I know) not a common symptom of OCD and neither are excessive changes in emotions/moods. Well, I think the worst part about this situation is that one of my biggest and most damaging if not destructive obsessions I developed earlier this year was this constant fear that my friend would lie to me about meeting up with that boy again. Not just lie, but do it behind my back, keep it a secret, and then maybe even end our friendship without saying anything. And the thing is... that basically happened. Two weeks ago she started acting strange one day out of nowhere, and then I found out (through another friend) that he was coming over to her place. We had already talked about this before, I had cried in front of her and confessed how much it hurt me. I know doing that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but my emotions completely overwhelmed me in that moment. And even though nothing physical happened between them, it still felt like a betrayal. I’m not saying it was cheating, obviously not, we’re not in a relationship and it is unfair of me to try and tell her who or not to date, but it still hurts. Especially as weeks ago, we already had a detailed conversation about this. She told me she didn’t actually like him that much, and that if they were going to meet again, she’d be honest with me about it. But instead of being honest that day, she said nothing. Worse, she suddenly stopped talking to me, which made me think I had done something wrong so I completely lost my mind. She knows I’m emotionally dependent on her to some extent, so when she goes cold or distant, I spiral. And that day, when I saw them talking and they went quiet as I walked by, and she literally turned to walk into a different direction which just crushed me. I thought she was mad at me, and I just felt like I was being shut out and lied to. And as I’ve mentioned, later that day, after eight hours of crying, another friend told me what really happened. She even drove me to her place so we could talk. We did talk, but since then, we haven’t had any contact. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. She told me it would be “people-pleasing” if she didn’t try to potentially date him. And I know she’s kind of right, but she still lied to me. She didn’t care if that meant that she would threw away our friendship, or at least treated it like it was worth less than a maybe-relationship with a guy who, as far as I know, didn’t even respond when she told him she had feelings for him. It’s honestly devastating. I feel betrayed, discarded, and totally lost and I know I can’t even logically be mad at her as the reason she didn’t tell me is obvious and as a good friend I should just be happy for her, but my emotional side is so much stronger than my logic.

@ashazalia And having the potentially worst case scenario actually happen while having OCD sort of affects everything else now. If my best friend lying to me about something we’ve discussed and the whole scenario happening almost exactly how I imagined it would makes it seem like all of my intrusive and obsessive thoughts could become reality at any time.