issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 6d ago

I don’t want to do this anymore

I’m struggling so much, I don’t know what’s changed. I was doing so well for a solid two months and now it’s been over a month of just my lowest point. My bf has gotten upset at how much I do compulsions and it’s taxing him too. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be my partner right now. I feel exhausted I’m tired of my OCD finding new things to obsess or worry over. I’m so TIRED of getting stuck on technicalities. I’m so exhausted with the constant intrusive thoughts and intrusive thinking. I’m so sick of how compulsive I get when I’m so riddled with anxiety. I don’t want to keep pushing. It feels pointless if my life is going to be a constant loop of ups and extreme lows. I feel like such a disgusting, embarrassing person. I don’t want love because I don’t feel like I deserve it. I don’t want patience or understanding because it makes me feel so guilty. Like no one is understanding how bad of person I could truly be. I’m so lost and tired of this

cherryblossoms

Date posted: 6d ago

hi <3 ive seen your posts on here several times since i started my journey of recovery and I want to say i care about you even if i don't know you! And im sorry you're dealing with this right now because I know how it feels. The ups and downs of this are so fucking exhausting and overwhelming, but i try to remind myself to enjoy the ups as much as i can and survive the downs. that's all we can do...also i just want to ask if you've tried medication? sertraline has been an important supplement to ERP for me and has made a big difference for me during recovery, maybe getting on meds could be beneficial for you if you're able to have access to them. Wishing you peace and health 💗

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@cherryblossoms I like that way of looking at it. Enjoy and survive lol I guess it’s what we can do with what we’ve got. Thank you 🩵. I’ve tried a lot of medication for this and haven’t found the right one. I react badly to a lot of them. Sertraline was one of the ones I tried, I wish it had been more tolerable for me. I’m glad it works for you :) It means a lot that I’ve made an impact on you somehow. I’ve seen you around too and I care about you as well. I’m always here if you need support or just a shoulder 🩷

cherryblossoms

Date posted: 3d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 I hope you're able to find meds that work for you if that's what you want 💕 and thank you, im so grateful that we all have each other's support in this community 🥰

BigGyro09

Date posted: 6d ago

Hi. I've been following you for some time now, and I'm sorry that you've been feeling like this lately. There are definitely ups and downs with dealing with this time and time again. I don't want to reassure you because that could make things worse. I'm sorry that you're still paying for those therapy sessions you've had on your own but I'm glad that you did get to have them! Maybe what can help is remembering what you've learned from those sessions? I'm sure tomorrow will be better. I don't know if it was you I've told this to, but has giving yourself permission to not do the compulsions helped in any way?

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@BigGyro09 I appreciate your comments always, honestly glad we follow each other it gives a more tangible sense of community :) I’m doing my best to remember what I got out of those therapies but a lot of it was trial and error (mostly error unfortunately because we had a misunderstanding for so, SO long) anyway, I’m still trying to remember to just sit with the anxiety and stuff. It just takes such a large toll on me sometimes and it feels like my ocd is a rapper spitting a million things at once and I can’t keep up. I’m just constantly in panic and it makes me lose hope so much. Sorry for venting again, I usually type too much when I reply back to you (so sorry lol). But yes you told me that but it doesn’t work with me too well because it’s genuinely like I do so many compulsions that I’m not even aware I’m doing them or that they are compulsions half of the time. I’ve been able to limit the confessing by a LOT :D but the ruminating is so so hard to not do. Any mental compulsions like checking are just so difficult to not do or to stop in its tracks. It’s all so freaking hard right now. Either way, if you read all of this, thank you. And thank you for your support and kindness always 🤍

Ch@rlie144

Date posted: 6d ago

I know it’s super difficult right now but I just want to say that you DESERVE to be happy. You DESERVE to be loved so please keep going and know that even if it feels like you’re alone there are people who got your back. But if you don’t have people like that then maybe I could be one of your supporters then? Only if you want me to though

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@Ch@rlie144 Thank you so much, truly it means so much for you to offer so much kindness. I’d love to have your support and be one back. I’m here if you ever need anything! Don’t hesitate to reach out :)

OhWell

Date posted: 6d ago

Are you currently seeing a specialist for this? I'm not, and yes, dealing with this alone, assuming it's even ocd anymore, has been absolute hell for me as well.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 6d ago

@OhWell I was but I couldn’t keep affording it. I’m still paying off so much of it. I feel the same way about wondering if this is even ocd anymore. I’m sorry you’re going through this

misereri

Date posted: 6d ago

I'm sorry queen..it's not ur first post I see here. I just want to let you know that I hope everything works out for u

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@misereri Thank you 💗

bn19

Date posted: 6d ago

I feel this. Please believe me when I say that. I know how you feel. There have been days where I didn’t think I would make it to see the sun set. But I’m here, you’re here. It gets better. I had to get back on my lexapro so I am looking forward to it helping my OCD, again. ❤️

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@bn19 I believe you, I’m sorry you’ve ever felt this way. You’ve got this 🤍

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d ago

Meds def can help slow down OCD. Are you still practicing ERP that you learned with your therapist? I make loop tapes and listen to them every hour when I’m at my OCD worst

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@Honeyshark Unfortunately we didn’t do much apart from sitting with the anxiety and realizing that scripts and similar things feed my OCD so for the meantime I kinda just have to sit with this dread. It’ll have to be until I’m able to afford therapy again that I’ll be able to try more specific ERP

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 Oh dang, I’m so sorry. If it helps what works for me (that my therapist taught me) is to write out everything that’s running through my head and then write new or compassionate responses. Then I record that as a loop tape and listen to it every hour. Responses I use are: “Maybe maybe not” “I hope that happens!” “I’m enough” “I’m worthy of love” “Yup, that’s definitely happening” “I don’t need to fix that or figure it out right now” If you keep your responses to the thoughts consistent they basically give up. Hope that helps!

truetrev

Date posted: 6d ago

Try getting on an SSRI if you havent tried them yet. Also, I saw you were doubting- it’s definitely OCD.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@truetrev I have, I react very badly to them unfortunately but we’re still trying to find something that works!

Ellie.

Date posted: 15w ago

I’m begging ANYONE help I can’t take it anymore!!

I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???

Relationship OCD

anxiousashhh

Date posted: 15w ago

idk

I feel like I’ll never lead a normal life again with OCD, my thoughts have begun to be convince especially about POCD. I feel like so sad and down that this will be my life forever. I’ll never get to fall in love again without intrusive thoughts. I’ll never be worth falling in love with. I can never be intimate again. I’m just done, my life is over. I can’t even look at my nephew and niece anymore without the smile fading. It feels like I’m so nasty and then my brain convinces me this is how I feel. That there’s some part of me that is a p*do and that’s it. I’m a disgusting human being for that. I just feel hopeless

1Jwg3tb3tter

Date posted: 12w ago

I don’t like myself

I’m really down and don’t have anyone i feel i can turn to. I’m just so tired of living as myself. I hate who i love with including myself. I feel so worthless. Having ocd on top of it makes me feel like im just a waste of space. I dont know how to stop feeling this way. Or if i deserve to. That’s all :(

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I don’t want to do this anymore

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