Adults with ROCD or HOCD: Have you experienced OCD ruining your sex life? I obsess about how I’m a terrible person and that I must not have feelings for my boyfriend because I avoid sex. Any tips on how to work through avoiding sex? I know it’s just a form of avoidance but sometimes it feels so real.

Yes, been there. When I started having unwanted thoughts during sex with my partner, my natural instinct was to avoid sex and to actually avoid THINKING about sex (which I normally do really often). Mind you I wasn't thinking in terms of OCD then, I was seriously doubting myself and not understanding why these thoughts would even cross my mind. I was so afraid that I would never enjoy sex again and that I couldn't think about sexual things without waking up the bad thoughts. I think that if you do let it, it will ruin both your sex life and your relationships. I told my partner at some point that I had some unwanted thoughts last time we had sex and for that reason I was worried I would have them again. He said that if I feel that way we definitely shouldn't do anything until I feel well again. But I realized right there that avoiding it would only make things worse, it would make me more afraid. So I just pushed through and tried to push the bad thoughts away, which of course was like an invitation, but it's still kind of felt like a victory, like I'm not letting this affect my life too much. Then I started googling my symptoms, eventually stumbling upon OCD and realizing that reading about it was like reading about myself, it felt as if somebody had read my mind and written down my thoughts. I instantly went from feeling like utter crap, to feeling almost normal again. It was this magical revelation that I was waiting for and thought would never come. Of course it was not THAT magical after all because they still struggle but it is TREMENDOUSLY more bearable now! I do get that thought still but I try do not entertain them and they go away pretty quickly. Before I used to spend almost all day ruminating, but now it's probably less than an hour per day. A couple of hours ago I posted something about intrusive thoughts during sex, but basically the struggle that I still have is that I will get this thought during sex while I'm feeling totally fine: "I'm so glad is it going well and I don't have any intrusive thoughts right now" And of course that triggers the intrusive thoughts and takes the joy out of it and makes you feelextremely guilty and you even have to acknowledge that the thought is there in order to let it go, so I feel like the most terrible partner during those moments. TL;DR: it will ruin your sex life if it makes you avoid sex because then you will become increasingly afraid of it until you don't want to have it and that will make you feel guilty and the cycle Will Go on. Suggestion: ignore whatever bad thoughts you're having and have sex anyway (if you actually want to). Don't let intrusive thoughts be the only thing preventing you from doing something you want to. Acknowledge them for what they are: random thoughts that anybody could have but your mind specifically can't let go.

Thanks for your response. I feel like I’m at a point where I avoid it all together and I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to be intimate again.

All of this really resonates with me and I’m at a point now where I can finally confront all the shame and avoidance I’ve felt for years (that I thought meant I didn’t love my partner and was wanting sex with someone else and lying to her during our intimate moments). It’s the most anxiety-provoking work I’ve ever done but hoping that it’ll be worth it in the end because this relationship means so much to me and I don’t want to ruin it with my OCD.