- Username
- greency
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes, been there. When I started having unwanted thoughts during sex with my partner, my natural instinct was to avoid sex and to actually avoid THINKING about sex (which I normally do really often). Mind you I wasn't thinking in terms of OCD then, I was seriously doubting myself and not understanding why these thoughts would even cross my mind. I was so afraid that I would never enjoy sex again and that I couldn't think about sexual things without waking up the bad thoughts. I think that if you do let it, it will ruin both your sex life and your relationships. I told my partner at some point that I had some unwanted thoughts last time we had sex and for that reason I was worried I would have them again. He said that if I feel that way we definitely shouldn't do anything until I feel well again. But I realized right there that avoiding it would only make things worse, it would make me more afraid. So I just pushed through and tried to push the bad thoughts away, which of course was like an invitation, but it's still kind of felt like a victory, like I'm not letting this affect my life too much. Then I started googling my symptoms, eventually stumbling upon OCD and realizing that reading about it was like reading about myself, it felt as if somebody had read my mind and written down my thoughts. I instantly went from feeling like utter crap, to feeling almost normal again. It was this magical revelation that I was waiting for and thought would never come. Of course it was not THAT magical after all because they still struggle but it is TREMENDOUSLY more bearable now! I do get that thought still but I try do not entertain them and they go away pretty quickly. Before I used to spend almost all day ruminating, but now it's probably less than an hour per day. A couple of hours ago I posted something about intrusive thoughts during sex, but basically the struggle that I still have is that I will get this thought during sex while I'm feeling totally fine: "I'm so glad is it going well and I don't have any intrusive thoughts right now" And of course that triggers the intrusive thoughts and takes the joy out of it and makes you feelextremely guilty and you even have to acknowledge that the thought is there in order to let it go, so I feel like the most terrible partner during those moments. TL;DR: it will ruin your sex life if it makes you avoid sex because then you will become increasingly afraid of it until you don't want to have it and that will make you feel guilty and the cycle Will Go on. Suggestion: ignore whatever bad thoughts you're having and have sex anyway (if you actually want to). Don't let intrusive thoughts be the only thing preventing you from doing something you want to. Acknowledge them for what they are: random thoughts that anybody could have but your mind specifically can't let go.
Thanks you this Post. I have magical thinking and harm ocd. And now intrusive thoughts are coming our sex life. I fear having sex if I have terrible thoughts and I can t be with my husband..i have to understand this is just thoughts and live my life..
Thanks for your response. I feel like I’m at a point where I avoid it all together and I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to be intimate again.
All of this really resonates with me and I’m at a point now where I can finally confront all the shame and avoidance I’ve felt for years (that I thought meant I didn’t love my partner and was wanting sex with someone else and lying to her during our intimate moments). It’s the most anxiety-provoking work I’ve ever done but hoping that it’ll be worth it in the end because this relationship means so much to me and I don’t want to ruin it with my OCD.
Does anyone with ROCD, POCD and Sexual Orientation OCD (HOCD) ever fear they will never be in a stable marriage or a relationship in general due to their fears or because their OCD may ruin it? My biggest fear is that I will never be in a stable, committed or a normal relationship due to this horrible disorder.
How do people continue to have intimacy and pleasure with Pure O (with themes that centre around sexual intrusive thoughts)? I haven’t had sex in a very long time but I obviously want to.... I’m struggling to figure out how to approach intimacy again. I can’t even pleasure myself without my OCD acting up. Please share some tips and stories!
WALL OF TEXT INCOMING (sorry)! Hello, I hope everyone is doing well and are managing their OCD symptoms well. I have a question concerning SO-OCD and ROCD. A little background first: I developed SO-OCD (have been to therapy here at NOCD and therapist says I meet criteria for OCD and SAD so far) I can't really pinpoint when exactly this developed, but it seemed to have happened when I got depressed, lost interest in sex, then convinced myself that I lost interest in sex because I must be gay despite the rational part of my brain knowing that I haven't desired to be with the same-sex before. It spiraled into heavy rumination, obsessive thoughts and then avoidance. My long-term relationship ended (got cheated on) and that sent me down even further. I've always had low self-esteem, but this killed any semblance I had left. I couldn't sleep, had persistent anxiety, and just felt like my brain exploded from the shock of it all. It's been around 2 years since this ramped up, and it has felt like absolute hell on earth. Lately, my SO-OCD seems to not be triggered so heavily (not getting as highly anxious of the thoughts, and have noticed the thoughts slowing down in overall frequency and have been able to dismiss them easier than before), but I think I have started taking a liking to a gal the past few months, but don't trust my sense of feelings anymore. Some examples: 1) I think I have felt butterflies? But not sure if it is or just anxiety. 2) I am terrified of getting intimate or sexual (fear of embarrassment, or perhaps my "member" not working when the time comes) despite thinking about getting intimate with this lady. 3) Doubting that I actually have feelings toward her (thinking that maybe I'm just trying to force the relationship because I don't want the OCD to be true). Has anyone dealt with this with similar themes? It feels like my SO-OCD has kind of merged with ROCD or transitioning from one to the other. I have a tendency now to expect arousal from every close interaction with a potential partner and if it doesn't happen (like if we give each other a hug after work) then I doubt my attraction despite having been aroused simply by touch previously. I know it sounds goofy, but I think about it every-single-time ("welp, i wasnt aroused that time. I must not be attracted to her!"). It's all a lot to handle when trying to navigate a potential relationship and fear I'll never overcome this intense anxiety to sex/intimacy. So I avoid getting too close or putting myself in situations where these things could occur. Thank you if you've made it this far. This was tough to put out there, but I'd love to hear others thoughts. Again, I hope all is well for everyone and stay strong out there.
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