- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, been there. When I started having unwanted thoughts during sex with my partner, my natural instinct was to avoid sex and to actually avoid THINKING about sex (which I normally do really often). Mind you I wasn't thinking in terms of OCD then, I was seriously doubting myself and not understanding why these thoughts would even cross my mind. I was so afraid that I would never enjoy sex again and that I couldn't think about sexual things without waking up the bad thoughts. I think that if you do let it, it will ruin both your sex life and your relationships. I told my partner at some point that I had some unwanted thoughts last time we had sex and for that reason I was worried I would have them again. He said that if I feel that way we definitely shouldn't do anything until I feel well again. But I realized right there that avoiding it would only make things worse, it would make me more afraid. So I just pushed through and tried to push the bad thoughts away, which of course was like an invitation, but it's still kind of felt like a victory, like I'm not letting this affect my life too much. Then I started googling my symptoms, eventually stumbling upon OCD and realizing that reading about it was like reading about myself, it felt as if somebody had read my mind and written down my thoughts. I instantly went from feeling like utter crap, to feeling almost normal again. It was this magical revelation that I was waiting for and thought would never come. Of course it was not THAT magical after all because they still struggle but it is TREMENDOUSLY more bearable now! I do get that thought still but I try do not entertain them and they go away pretty quickly. Before I used to spend almost all day ruminating, but now it's probably less than an hour per day. A couple of hours ago I posted something about intrusive thoughts during sex, but basically the struggle that I still have is that I will get this thought during sex while I'm feeling totally fine: "I'm so glad is it going well and I don't have any intrusive thoughts right now" And of course that triggers the intrusive thoughts and takes the joy out of it and makes you feelextremely guilty and you even have to acknowledge that the thought is there in order to let it go, so I feel like the most terrible partner during those moments. TL;DR: it will ruin your sex life if it makes you avoid sex because then you will become increasingly afraid of it until you don't want to have it and that will make you feel guilty and the cycle Will Go on. Suggestion: ignore whatever bad thoughts you're having and have sex anyway (if you actually want to). Don't let intrusive thoughts be the only thing preventing you from doing something you want to. Acknowledge them for what they are: random thoughts that anybody could have but your mind specifically can't let go.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks you this Post. I have magical thinking and harm ocd. And now intrusive thoughts are coming our sex life. I fear having sex if I have terrible thoughts and I can t be with my husband..i have to understand this is just thoughts and live my life..
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks for your response. I feel like I’m at a point where I avoid it all together and I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to be intimate again.
- Date posted
- 4y
All of this really resonates with me and I’m at a point now where I can finally confront all the shame and avoidance I’ve felt for years (that I thought meant I didn’t love my partner and was wanting sex with someone else and lying to her during our intimate moments). It’s the most anxiety-provoking work I’ve ever done but hoping that it’ll be worth it in the end because this relationship means so much to me and I don’t want to ruin it with my OCD.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I’ve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I won’t give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that I’ll “check/test” my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that I’ll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. It’s so complicated but I guess I’m mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. I’ve even envisioned myself checking and it’s making me so nauseous. I know it’s a compulsion like any other but the sound of “touching yourself to the thought of a child” sounds atrocious and vile. I’m terrified I’ll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?
- Harm OCD
- POCD
- Students with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Real Events OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- Date posted
- 17w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
- Date posted
- 15w
Hey guys! My boyfriend has said recently that he doesn't know if he's strong enough to continue with our relationship because of my OCD. He wants to see me overcome my symptoms and learn to live a healthy life with OCD, but my anxieties and obsessions are starting to really affect his life. I understand his reasoning, it's hard to see someone you care about struggle with OCD, especially when it starts to affect you too. I'm asking for tips to deal with my compulsions in the relationship. I HAVE to know the answer to things and sometimes that leads into arguments because even with apologies and discussions I can't let things go, even if they genuinely don't matter or are miniscule issues we have. It's a healthy relationship otherwise but I feel horrible because it's impacting him so negatively, that's the absolute last thing I want to happen. I care for him deeply and he cares for me too, so I don't want my OCD to be a reason we break up but I fear it's headed in that direction. I'm starting therapy soon, but until then what are some things I can do to stop my ROCD from impacting him? I know sitting in the guilt and anxiety of not completing my obsessions will help, but I'm wondering if there are other things I can do to maybe remedy some of the damage already done.
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