- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, been there. When I started having unwanted thoughts during sex with my partner, my natural instinct was to avoid sex and to actually avoid THINKING about sex (which I normally do really often). Mind you I wasn't thinking in terms of OCD then, I was seriously doubting myself and not understanding why these thoughts would even cross my mind. I was so afraid that I would never enjoy sex again and that I couldn't think about sexual things without waking up the bad thoughts. I think that if you do let it, it will ruin both your sex life and your relationships. I told my partner at some point that I had some unwanted thoughts last time we had sex and for that reason I was worried I would have them again. He said that if I feel that way we definitely shouldn't do anything until I feel well again. But I realized right there that avoiding it would only make things worse, it would make me more afraid. So I just pushed through and tried to push the bad thoughts away, which of course was like an invitation, but it's still kind of felt like a victory, like I'm not letting this affect my life too much. Then I started googling my symptoms, eventually stumbling upon OCD and realizing that reading about it was like reading about myself, it felt as if somebody had read my mind and written down my thoughts. I instantly went from feeling like utter crap, to feeling almost normal again. It was this magical revelation that I was waiting for and thought would never come. Of course it was not THAT magical after all because they still struggle but it is TREMENDOUSLY more bearable now! I do get that thought still but I try do not entertain them and they go away pretty quickly. Before I used to spend almost all day ruminating, but now it's probably less than an hour per day. A couple of hours ago I posted something about intrusive thoughts during sex, but basically the struggle that I still have is that I will get this thought during sex while I'm feeling totally fine: "I'm so glad is it going well and I don't have any intrusive thoughts right now" And of course that triggers the intrusive thoughts and takes the joy out of it and makes you feelextremely guilty and you even have to acknowledge that the thought is there in order to let it go, so I feel like the most terrible partner during those moments. TL;DR: it will ruin your sex life if it makes you avoid sex because then you will become increasingly afraid of it until you don't want to have it and that will make you feel guilty and the cycle Will Go on. Suggestion: ignore whatever bad thoughts you're having and have sex anyway (if you actually want to). Don't let intrusive thoughts be the only thing preventing you from doing something you want to. Acknowledge them for what they are: random thoughts that anybody could have but your mind specifically can't let go.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks you this Post. I have magical thinking and harm ocd. And now intrusive thoughts are coming our sex life. I fear having sex if I have terrible thoughts and I can t be with my husband..i have to understand this is just thoughts and live my life..
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks for your response. I feel like I’m at a point where I avoid it all together and I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to be intimate again.
- Date posted
- 4y
All of this really resonates with me and I’m at a point now where I can finally confront all the shame and avoidance I’ve felt for years (that I thought meant I didn’t love my partner and was wanting sex with someone else and lying to her during our intimate moments). It’s the most anxiety-provoking work I’ve ever done but hoping that it’ll be worth it in the end because this relationship means so much to me and I don’t want to ruin it with my OCD.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 18w
Anyone who has had sexual orientation OCD since the “dating age” (middle school/high school)— how did you ever determine your sexuality? I don’t want reassurance because I understand our experiences may be different. I’m just curious— did you try boys and girls? Did you just find your person and know? I started having SOOCD at age 16 and I’m now 28. OCD has ruined my ability to date more than anything else. I feel like it stole my chance at love. I’ve had three long-term situationships with men. I adored them but they were also toxic because I think I subconsciously didn’t believe I deserved better. I felt that if I knew the relationship wouldn’t work because of fundamental differences, at least it was okay that I couldn’t fully be present in the relationship. Not sure if this makes sense, but I’m just grieving that part of my life I missed out on.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond