I’m so scared

‼️Sexual Content‼️ I have a new fear that I have a paraphiliac disorder and google says that people who do have these disorders experience distress about them which scares me so bad because I feel distressed about the potential of having one so isn’t that like the same thing? I’m scared that I already have one, and the distress I’m experiencing isn’t OCD but instead a side effect of being paraphiliac. I hate this Also what’s even worse is that I don’t even feel that anxious. Like yes I am anxious but not as much as I feel like I should be and I’m relatively calm. I feel like I should be more anxious for it to be OCD and I should be more anxious when faced with the threat of being paraphiliac and even though I am anxious, it’s no where near as bad as it should be or has been in the past. What does that say about me? (I don’t want reassurance, all I want is advice to help me cope through OCD spikes) I’m so scared. I don’t want any of this. I don’t want to do paraphiliac things I don’t want to do anything that they do because those things make me uncomfortable but I feel like that’s what someone with a paraphiliac disorder would say. I am so f*cked

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Verbatim what I am going through. It’s cycles between being anxious, panic attack, feeling numb, feeling like the thoughts are all true, questioning myself, anxiety again, repeat.

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous Wow I’m not alone. I hope we can get through this together

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 13w

Adding to this: another thought I have is “what if the only reason why I’m scared is because of what society will think rather than me actually not wanting this?” In other words, I’m scared that I actually want this and the only thing that’s stopping me is societies shame

nae nae

Date posted: 13w

Back when my OCD spiraled out of control, I did a lot of researching compulsions for relief, and I happened upon what you're talking about now. It took me a long time to overcome that fear, and even reading the word still triggers a bit of anxiety. There are still times I have doubts and ask myself the same questions you're asking, but ultimately, those "what ifs" are signs of OCD. You might not feel as much physical anxiety as you used to, but you still made this post. That's proof it is still distressing for you to even consider 🫂 "Maybe, maybe not," was hard for me to say to my thoughts, so I went with "I don't know the answer right now." There might be other non-engagement thoughts that work better for you, but ultimately we have to practice acknowledging the thought is there, and then shifting focus back to the present (whatever you were doing before), and sitting with the uncertainty. It's not easy, though. And I'm really, really sorry you're going through this. You're not alone, I promise. I've seen other people in this community make posts similar to yours.

sophea

Date posted: 13w

What if you do? It'd mean you have a mental disorder. Having a mental disorder doesn't make you evil. Many pedophiles don't abuse children.

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 12w

@sophea My fear isn’t being a pedophile. It’s a completely different paraphilia that I fear. If I do have it, that means s3x and intimacy will be ruined forever for me because it’s plagued by something I don’t want to do. I just don’t want to do those things, I don’t care about if it makes me “evil” or not. That’s the least of my concern

HOY

Date posted: 22w

What is happening to me (Warning)

I fear I may have POCD, I am terrified of being a pedophile. my symptoms were initially strong surges of anxiety. I made the mistake of looking up what pedophilia is about and now I fear I am one. I have a bad masturbation problem and that didnt help, as now I feel a weird feeling down below and its distressing me. I'm only 20, this never happened to me before and now I only feel confusion and doubt, Ive cried like never before cause of this.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 19w

I’m freaking out please help

I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.

💟

Date posted: 17w

kink stuff (sorry this is long)

I was looking up stuff about kinks, because my friend is trying to help me "get out there", and I took the bdsm test to see where I land on it. I got 100% vanilla, and I was a little embarassed so I decided to Google things like "is it normal to not have a lot of kinks" or "what % of the population is into kink" and when I scrolled down a bit, I clicked on one of the little suggestion things with the arrow that said "are men more prone to enjoying kink than women" and it revealed a blurb from the website that said that men are in fact more inclined to kink, but also mentioned that it also means they're more inclined to p*dophellia, which sort of set off all these questions in my head of like "Wait so if p*dophellia is just a kink, does that make it more likely that I have it? Because scientenists still don't know what causes it so what if events in my childhood led up to me having it to some extent" and I started kind of going down this internal rabbit hole of trying to figure out how likely it is that I have it or some form of it bc if it's just a kink and not a mental illness than it feels more feasible? Idk I'm a woman so ik it's not AS common in us but it's still possible. I'm doing a little better with redirecting my attention and cooling my anxiety but I had an onslaught of intrusive images before falling asleep like I used to have when I first started experiencing this fear. It's been really catapulting me back to the beginning and I find that I'm ruminating on when it started and if it really means I'm a p or not. I know it's classic ocd but it's hard when it doesn't feel that way ;-; anyway, I'm too scared to Google bc i know it'll be a form of reassurance but also I'm just scared of having anything related to that in my search history so I just thought I'd post here. Anyone else have conflicting thoughts like this?

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I’m so scared

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