can someone tell me if this is a normal thing? +18

i was with my lover we didn't have that much time together and at some point she fell asleep because she was overwhelmed. at first, I was okay with it but as time passed I started to feel stressed andd annoyed, because i wanted to spend time together which is no excuse i feel bad about this. also, i hoped we might have been intimate ( i didn't tell her or ask her to be intimate tho) and the fact that she was sleeping meant that we couldn't cus we wouldn't have had enough time so idk i felt annoyed about that. i have this thing that i deeply hate where every time we have alone time together i get the hopes that we might be intimidate but when j realise we probably can't i start having this obsession where i have to reassure myself to the point of nausea because the idea of being disappointed ( or actually feeling disappointed) about not having sex terrifies me ,it makes me feel like im dangerous or that i want to force myself on her so i just start repeating to myself that it's fine. so like this obsession started happening, but im afraid that for a moment ( idk how brief it was, im deeply ashamed of this ) i felt justified about being annoyed about not having sex because she was sleeping and it's not fair cus she was struggling and overwhelmed and i should have cared about that not about fickle things. but still I was annoyed and stressed out ( because I also started feeling really guilty ) and when she told me she was sorry about her mood i don't think i reassured her properly, i told her it was okay but i wasn't that sweet, I was a bit quiet idk if i actually seemed annoyed. after a little while i tried to stop feeling this weird wnd i tried to focus on her and how she felt, so I cuddled her and tried to make her feel better. I reassured her that she had nothing to be sorry for, that it's okay if she had a bad day. in the end she did feel better, she thanked me a thousand times for being patient and kind but that made me feel even worse because internally i felt annoyed which is horrible. i feel terrible also, i tried to wake her up a few times. it's not unusual because she usually tells me to let her nap 10 minutes. so at first i let her nap for like 30 mins cus she had very little sleep that day, i wanted her to rest. and then j started to try and wake her up, when she wouldn't wake up i would let her nap a little while longer ( at least 10 mins ) but i feel bad because i probably was a little pushy because i felt annoyed about not having that much time together and so not having time to be intimate. idk. i feel horrible. i shouldn't be that annoying and annoyed about not having sex, It feels so scary that i insisted on waking her up, i hate being pushy. idk

AnxietyBoy

Date posted: 12w

I get this too. I get really angry and distressed over the idea of not having sex or even just my boyfriend not waking up when I feel he should be awake so we can be together. I have to constantly remind myself that he needs a lot more sleep than most people, and that he doesn’t have insomnia like I do. One thing I think is important to remember is that everyone has different libidos, and sometimes that uncertainty of when “the next time” will be can be crushing, but you can’t really “earn” sex. So even though it’s really painful, it’s really important to remember that you are safe in this uncertainty. It is okay to be scared and confused. Be honest about your intentions and don’t force anything, it’s valid to be feeling these things.

aaanonymous

Date posted: 12w

I know that, i hate feeling like this tho i don't want to be annoyed about having sex it feels horrible

misereri

Date posted: 25w

Someone to talk to?please?

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?

Estrellaorange

Date posted: 24w

Relationship OCD

My boyfriend and I started dating a little over a month ago. We’ve now started discussing the next step in our relationship: intimacy. It feels quick, but we’ve known each other well over a year and we were really close friends before dating. I don’t feel ready for sex yet but we’ve started with baby steps. While kissing, my mind started to wander and he started kissing my chest (he asked first, I gave consent, and I was comfortable with him), but frankly I was bored. There were parts that were good and parts that could use some work. I didn’t tell him what felt good and what didn’t like I should have and when he asked my mind went blank. The other night he came over for dinner and we began to talk about it. He started crying and saying how he didn’t want to disappoint me. I felt so shut down because I felt like I was the one in a vulnerable situation and I was the one that wanted to talk but there I was, taking care of him. I ended up communicating what I wanted and I appreciated that he cared enough to ask and listen but at the same time he didn’t really listen because he was caught up in his own emotions. All day long I cannot get it off my mind, seriously. I looked down midway through the day to see I had dug my fingernails into the pad of my pointer finger to the point where there was a deep mark. I have felt extremely anxious and like an awful girlfriend. I do not want to have sex with him if the thought of not doing well kissing my chest upsets him to the point of tears. I just felt bad for not enjoying myself and not telling him that, but I got frustrated that he almost… victimized himself? I feel like I’m manipulating him someway and I just don’t know how. I also feel bad for not being attracted to what he was doing and I’m scared it will lead to losing all attraction. Please help, am I awful for feeling frustrated that he cried?

aaanonymous

Date posted: 23w

really worried about my lover

non explicit nsfw +18 i had a thought like "i should have never doubted that my lover is attracted to me" and for some reason it triggered me, i cant really explain it, but it made me feel like i have done/thought bad things when it comes to our sex life. like, it has happened that at times when they would tell me no i would feel a bit disappointed cus i really enjoy being intimate, but they told me many many many times ( since it's an obsession of mine and i asked for reassurance ) that i never treated them badly or made them feel hurt or obligated when it comes to intimacy. they would break up with me and not want me around in the slightest if I did. I still feel really worried even if I didn't hurt them, but im afraid that i have thought bad things or was toxic about it. idk

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can someone tell me if this is a normal thing? +18

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