panic. scared. it feels real

@Anonymous yes, but im so scared bc it feels real and it feels like i have changed. that i lost all my feelings and im in denial. it jus feels awful in my chest and i dont even know what i want. should i just accept everything?

@Mariabae I’ve learned to sit with fear instead of making big decisions just because I feel scared. Acting out of fear, whether it feels real or not, is rarely wise. With OCD, it’s especially hard because it will argue both sides of any decision, even if I try to stay neutral. If you're still unsure, I recommend doing this work with a therapist. OCD isn't resolved through logic. It's about sitting with uncertainty, accepting what could be gained or lost, without seeking reassurance or proof from yourself or others. These feelings don’t operate on truth or fairness. I think of these fears like imagining a shark in the ocean while I’m sitting in a bathtub. OCD draws false correlations: “I’m in water, which is like the ocean, which means I could be near a shark.” But “close enough” isn’t a reliable way to assess danger, it only robs us of peace. Correlation doesn't equal causation. In your situation, the absence of evidence isn’t proof that something is wrong. People’s feelings fluctuate, even love. Some people leave not because of others’ actions, but because they can’t tolerate their own emotional uncertainty. I've seen people walk away over something as small as a fleeting attraction shift, only to come back when those feelings changed again. Lasting relationships aren't built on constant emotional certainty. They’re built on choice, choosing to stay, work things through, and accept that joy, peace, and love won’t feel intense all the time. Complacency happens, and that doesn’t mean love is gone. This is different from situations involving abuse, where safety, not emotion, is the deciding factor, and leaving is necessary regardless of fear. But most fears aren't actual threats. If we don’t face them, not ruminate, they manifest physically—I’ve learned to sit with fear instead of making big decisions just because I feel scared. Acting out of fear, whether it feels real or not, is rarely wise. With OCD, it’s especially hard because it will argue both sides of any decision, even if I try to stay neutral. If you're still unsure, I recommend doing this work with a therapist. OCD isn't resolved through logic. It's about sitting with uncertainty, accepting what could be gained or lost, without seeking reassurance or proof from yourself or others. These feelings don’t operate on truth or fairness. I think of these fears like imagining a shark in the ocean while I’m sitting in a bathtub. OCD draws false correlations: “I’m in water, which is like the ocean, which means I could be near a shark.” But “close enough” isn’t a reliable way to assess danger, it only robs us of peace. Correlation doesn't equal causation. In your situation, the absence of evidence isn’t proof that something is wrong. People’s feelings fluctuate, even love. Some people leave not because of others’ actions, but because they can’t tolerate their own emotional uncertainty. I've seen people walk away over something as small as a fleeting attraction shift, only to come back when those feelings changed again. Lasting relationships aren't built on constant emotional certainty. They’re built on choice, choosing to stay, work things through, and accept that joy, peace, and love won’t feel intense all the time. Complacency happens, and that doesn’t mean love is gone. This is different from situations involving abuse, where safety, not emotion, is the deciding factor, and leaving is necessary regardless of fear. But most fears aren't actual threats. If we don’t face them (do not ruminate, reason, or analyze while facing this), they can manifest physically to try to scare and make a point to have this feeling be seen. Yet as humans we interpret these as demands to be fixed or stop or get rid of, but really is just to pause and feel it through.

@Anonymous Thank you so much for your message — it really meant a lot to me. I read it slowly and carefully, and something about the way you described things made me feel less alone, even if the pain is still here. I’ve been dealing with these thoughts and feelings for about a year and a half now. I constantly question my relationship, my feelings, and whether I’m “forcing” myself to stay. My mind is always telling me: “You don’t love him,” “You’re just used to him,” “You’re only staying out of guilt.” Sometimes the thoughts come with panic, other times with numbness — which feels even scarier because it starts to feel like “this is the truth I’ve been avoiding.” I’ve tried therapy, but unfortunately, my experience wasn’t helpful. The therapist said some things that made me feel like I was lying to myself, like I was just refusing to accept the truth — and since then, I’ve been spiraling even more. I left those sessions feeling more broken and more confused than before. Your words helped me pause. What you said about sitting with fear instead of reacting to it, and how OCD creates false patterns, truly resonated. Especially that image about imagining a shark in the ocean while being in a bathtub — that’s exactly how it feels. My mind is constantly making terrifying connections that don’t truly reflect the reality I’m in. I’m really trying to hold space for the uncertainty, to not act out of fear, but it’s so hard. The doubt feels so real, the guilt so overwhelming, and the fear of hurting someone I love deeply… unbearable. Thank you again for taking the time to share your insight and support. It gave me a small breath of peace in a very heavy moment — and that means everything.

@Mariabae Sorry that your sessions did not go well. It does quite a shopping to get therapists that can speak to us at your stage of consciousness. I was lucky I started off with very reassuring patient bubbly therapists until I got ready to move onto more external exercises and changing my surrounding and actions. I needed to be heard and seen first, then I had to level up which i had to change/refer to a specialized trained therapists that did EMDR, physical therapy, ERP at different stages of my life. I'm now matched with a therapist that works for me now where he doesn't say much to avoid reassuring me because I have enough information, change doesn't require information. He gently redirects me to be on topic and helps make a concise direction of the root issue since I'm so overwhelmed with words and feelings i felt a disservice of bearing my soul to really figure out what I'm trying to describe my disarray and what kind of peace i want. Then we use that summary to do ERP. I'm at the stage less words, less doing, more being. It was so hard in the beginning but they track and keep me focus if I start falling asleep or fidget or shift around to self sooth with major distractions. I also am able to ask "am I doing this right? What's the point of this? I feel skeptical and can't remember how to sit without ruminating, can you explain it to me again?" If i get stuck in the middle of the practice. The idea of holding space for uncertainty also means holding space of slipping up. It's an exercise like balancing on the balancing beam. Even professionals still fall down. So you keep trying to stay in the space a bit longer each attempt intentionally and notice how the intensity may go up yet eventually go down without any need to lift a finger or say anything. ERP has more of a clear practice and how to measure oneself to help recognize there has been indeed progress. It's the same with hurting others, humans are going to get hurt and hurt others, it's inevitable. So instead of prevention nor acting on such fears, it's about focusing on what you want to do instead. "How can I love you today? How can they love me today? I can I love me today?" It is a useful question that deserves to be ask every day since every hour we can change and it is doable to at least ask with little effort. It can be done even alongside with fear in the background. OCD is just a maladaptive gauge that tries really hard to love and protect that it doesn't know when to turn the very hot or cold faucet handle on. The answer is both so it can be warm. You can both hurt and heal. Those who stay together isn't because there's absence of fear and pain, it's loving despite the pain and how they recover with each other. I'm glad to hear there was some peace you got out of this. Continue to love for yourself to enjoy the experience with this person even if you may not love them now or later. People still love even if it's one sided and it's really up to both parties if they want to keep experiencing the joy they bring each other or find it elsewhere, it's rarely about if you or them deserve to receive or give love. I've seen people who hate each other grow to love each other, and vice versa. It's okay if it goes up and down a bit, it does show you at least care for them from what you said. Not all caring thoughts has to become actions. OCD is a back seat passenger insisting what to do where to go and how to do it while ignoring or don't actually know what is happening, you're the driver and you can eventually learn to be more confident in driving and gain customer service skills with OCD of "maybe. Maybe I don't love him, maybe I do, let's find out together."