ocdsurviver

Date posted: 3d ago

I’m so tired. HOCD is the worst.

I don’t know what to do with this bs anymore. I’m crying again and again and again and again. I cannot describe how painful this is. I’ve recovered from every single OCD subtype expect this one. HOCD is so scary and it’s so incredibly scary how it feels so real. The issue with this subtype is how intertwined it is with feelings and sensations. I hate how it keeps latching onto the past and uses the past as proof. I don’t want it to be the truth. I don’t want to accept any possibility.

Brokenbutterfly

Date posted: 3d ago

You don't have to explain it. When you're in the thick of a flare up it's unexplainable. I want to say though that all subtypes are intertwined with feelings it's just this subtypeis harder for you to get through. I would say challenge it for the next 24 hours. Ex. Intrusive image of a stabbing. Replace it with a balloon sword, then imagine bubbles spewing out instead of blood, or saying or singing something super ridiculous. Make the image so out of pocket quirky or funny that it'll take the fear out of it because it's no longer a horrifying image.

OneDayAtATimee

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

I agree with the other commenter that humor does help! Better to laugh than cry. I’ve recovered from having both Harm OCD and POCD at the same time so I’m here to tell you it’s 100% possible 🙏 ERP is the way out

EO281128

Date posted: 3d ago

True that , only thing which saved me was and is and will be is ERP

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 3d ago

Hey, I’m going through the same thing. Not with HOCD but with TOCD (OCD around transgender themes) and I know how incredibly difficult it gets. I also experience sensations and feelings. I know how scary it feels when you’re in the thick of it and feel so convinced that it’s real. Hang in there. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you don’t see it yet. I know I haven’t seen it yet.

Dreamydream

Date posted: 3d ago

@sofiaraaah7 I’m having this theme rn too /: I’ve been freaking out the last 2 days. Is it normal to feel uncomfortable in ur body and have weird feelings in ur boobs and stuff. This theme is really freaking me out bad /: i keep getting weird thoughts ab being a boy and liking girls and i don’t want to do that at all. I’m scared it’s not ocd 😩

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 3d ago

@Dreamydream Omg I’ve had that four years ago. I had tingling sensations in my throat and I had the exact same feelings. Thank God it’s over

Dreamydream

Date posted: 3d ago

@ocdsurviver Really?! How did u get over it? It’s so convincing and truly makes u feel like ur a boy or want to be one like how does it persuades u so much to really believe that u are and the feelings are thoughts are real its crazy

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 3d ago

@Dreamydream Sis I swear it was so horrifying. It felt so real but what I did was low key trying to sit with the thoughts. It was extremely hard for me since I used to be a bit of a tomboy since I loved streetwear, and that triggered me a lot. Other than that I decided to embrace my masculine style but also my femininity, so I bought a skirt for the first time and I felt SO happy. And I also kept remembering myself of how cool it is to be a woman (idk if that was a compulsion or not 😭) but it worked. So a combination of all that helped me. And now I’m stuck shitty HOCD which is literally the death of me

Dreamydream

Date posted: 3d ago

@ocdsurviver Ugh how long did yours last for?? I also dress street/girly. I legit saw something on my phone like 2 nights ago and it spiraled into this and it feels like the worst thing ever!

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 3d ago

@Dreamydream About 7-10 months 🥲 it was so annoying! And it felt soooo real. But I would say it was easier to recover than hocd

Dreamydream

Date posted: 3d ago

@ocdsurviver Ugh idt i can manage that long. It’s been two days and i feel like a full blown man like how is that even possible 😭 yes it feels so real and possible in your head. Like why are my thoughts like wishing to be a guy and to look like one??? And the sensations in ur body parts like what is going on! I feel like i can’t function now

Dreamydream

Date posted: 3d ago

@ocdsurviver I’m sorry that i keep going back and forth wu, I’m just super freaked out and haven’t found anyone to relate to

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 3d ago

@Dreamydream I have the same theme. You aren’t alone!!

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 3d ago

@Dreamydream No worries! You’re not alone! I fully understand what you’re going through cause I’ve been through the exact same. It’s SO scary cause this disease makes everything feel real and it makes you feel like you want the thoughts and sensations and I’m like bruh no thank you🤣 My best recommendation is therapy honestly!

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 3d ago

@sofiaraaah7 Fr, we’re many people that go through this🥲

Dreamydream

Date posted: 3d ago

@ocdsurviver Haha literally, and yes it does 😭 i am in therapy!! I’ve been working through other themes and then this hit me out of nowhere unfortunately /: i don’t see her again till Thursday so I’m just a mess

Dreamydream

Date posted: 3d ago

@sofiaraaah7 Do you relate to everything i was saying to ocdsurviver? It’s horrible 😔

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3d ago

Hello ocdsurviver, I see that you are struggling with intrusive thoughts. I want to first applaud your successes in your journey of recovery from OCD. It sounds like this particular theme is particularly distressing. I like to highlight that the core of OCD is that it makes us doubt if we cross a line, a line that we value. The more important this value is to you, the louder OCD becomes. When recovering from other themes, were you able to sit with uncertainty? Have you been introducing uncertainty when triggered with your current intrusive thoughts? If you are struggling to do so, I would share this with your therapist. If you are currently not connected to a therapist, at NOCD we are trained experts in the diagnosis and treatment of OCD and related conditions, using Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP is the gold standard of treatment for OCD and related conditions, with the better part of a century backing the efficacy of ERP. If you would like more information on OCD and ERP, please visit our website at www.treatmyocd.com. If you are ready to begin/resume your journey of recovery, you may contact our member advocate team at care@nocdhelp.com. I hope this message reaches you well and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help! Take care, Ian M. Reeder

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 3d ago

@Ian Reeder Thank you so much for your comment Ian, I appreciate it so much! I haven’t introduced uncertainty to my past themes and they went away by themselves. My logic worked really well with the past themes such as harm ocd and contamination ocd etc. my biggest issue with SOOCD/HOCD is that it keeps latching onto past memories/ events which is making it extra difficult! And also because of how the rainbow community promotes that if children do/feel something in an early age then that is an indicator. I have absolutely NOTHING against the rainbow community at all, but information like that makes my life living hell when I’m dealing with this subtype. I have my first therapy session next week and I can’t wait🙏🏻

King silly

Date posted: 24w ago

Bad again

Pocd feels real again and I can’t tell if I’m actually attracted or not. can’t believe it got this bad again. I used to be able to go “no I don’t like that, go away” and now it feels like I do like it and want it, and it’s starting to linger longer so it feels more real. I’m avoiding checking but I’m so scared that what if it’s true. Is it because I have not been doing my exposures? I’m not sure, but every time a 14 year old person comes to my head, I keep hearing something go “they’re attractive” and it sounds like me so I panic, and it makes me even more scared because I’m not feeling bad about it??? I saw some kid at Walmart that had long black hair and my brain kept saying shit and no matter how much I say I don’t feel that way, it won’t shut up, i want to check 1000 times to make sure. But I know it’s not worth it. I’m trying so hard

POCD

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 20w ago

Feeling defeated.

I'm so tired 😭 I've been dealing with severe trans ocd for a month. My ocd is making me worry I'm a trans man. The thing is. I'm already out as nonbinary. I also compulsively confessed to my mom and told her I'm anxious I'll realize I'm a trans man and that I'm scared she'll hate me/abandon me. And she told me she would support me through it and my life even if she didn't understand it and that she wouldn't abandon me. I do like some masculine terms and I like he pronouns, I prefer they/them though. And I don't mind she, but I dont let people use it because I know they'll use it to misgender me. and that doesnt mean im a man. But I also don't know what I actually like/feel or what's OCD making me think I like/feel.. I can't stop ruminating and feeling like I need to label my gender pass nonbinary and think about if I feel like a man or not. So even when my biggest fear was denied I'm still anxious.

Mt2019

Date posted: 13w ago

Question about HOCD

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

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I’m so tired. HOCD is the worst.

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