Convinced that I did something

@yoooff I have to ask and I’m going to be recording my sleep as well I don’t believe anything I feel like a r on the lose

@yoooff What if he was the one who came up to me?

@yoooff How would I ask because he’s 9 I don’t want to sound inappropriate I’ve had people say that I’m being paranoid and I’m just like he’s probably waiting for the right moment when I’m deep asleep so I probably sound crazy but it’s real to me It’s either me or him

@yoooff I dont spy on him And either way when he was sleeping in another room I would believe that he would go to my room to r word me Do you think im crazy?

@yoooff He has his bed I have my own btw

@yoooff Yes

@yoooff Like I want to use a sleep recorder to hear what happens only to me though not to him

@yoooff I would need to move out

@yoooff They will think I’m crazy or something like imagine they actually think I did something

@yoooff I live in a apartment

@yoooff I’m genuinely worried what if I actually did something? Or we did? Or he did? I need to know that answer I don’t believe him

@yoooff I think if I know for certain that nothing happened I will be at peace

@Idontknow He's your family. Trust him. And he's just a little boy, not even close to puberty. I doubt he did anything to you. I doubt you did anything together and doubt you did anything to him. If so, he wouldn't speak to you. Please seek therapy. These are just awful intrusive thoughts trying to control you. With therapy, you can learn to control them.

@SPS He’s enjoying a game so that means he’s not scared of me thats reassuring I’m still worried if I did anything the only way I would know is if I had a camera watching me in my sleep

@yoooff Sometimes I feel like I have schizophrenia because you think it’s logical for me to think that a nine year-old is planning to do harm to me?

@yoooff You think? I’ve been told once that I was a paranoid schizophrenic

@yoooff Yeah, I have a therapist and I told her about this she said you think he would know what to do and I’m currently looking for an erp therapist and she’s helping as well and my psychiatrist wants me to go to iop they all they I’m crazy

@yoooff Maybe I have paranoid personality disorder or psychosis or whatever

@yoooff I have been dealing with paranoia since middle school or high school

@yoooff Do you recommend anything like a book or podcast?

@yoooff I was diagnosed with bpd when I was 18 but I was convinced I had paranoid personality disorder

@yoooff Ok!

@yoooff Thank you, I’m trying to be logical 😭

@yoooff I feel like I did something….

@yoooff The same thing I told you

@yoooff I feel like I did something bad

@yoooff R*pe

@yoooff The sensations

@yoooff I’m very certain I feel like I’m a s offender

@yoooff Well I asked him if I did anything even in my sleep he said no I think he’s lying

@yoooff Yes but I’m too concerned

@yoooff 😞

@yoooff How

@yoooff If I’m distracted yes

@yoooff Ok!

@yoooff I’ll try to think of any positives I have in my life right now

@yoooff Terrible, you how people like dark stuff I don’t understand why am I so misunderstood I’m sick of it because I like dark stuff it automatically makes me dangerous or concerning

@yoooff True

@yoooff I barely go out I wouldn’t know

@yoooff I’m thankful for that

@yoooff I had a weird dream Ok I had an odd nightmare that me and my brother were going to have relations in his school uniform I woke up in the middle of it

@yoooff It’s terrible I feel like a R now like what if it actually happened

@yoooff Worried, how about you?

@yoooff What do you mean?

@yoooff That what if is bothering me

@yoooff My memory is fuzzy like what if it actually happened and I was asleep and I woke up from it and I didn’t care ?

@yoooff Oh, I’m glad you’re doing better

@yoooff I listen to anything honestly

@yoooff I feel horrible right now what if me and him are actually doing it and my mom doesn’t know

@yoooff I can’t I want to cry right now

@yoooff I don’t know I believe that he is taking advantage of me

@yoooff Yes it seems real to me

@yoooff I’m sorry, I probably sound insane but I’m not sure what is this, psychosis?

@yoooff I think I need a forensic exam to make sure

@yoooff Hi, I’m ok how about you???

@yoooff I spoke to my therapist

@yoooff I don’t know I think I may have Schizophrenia because it’s not only that like there’s sometimes when I believe that people can look at me through my window of my room or the bathroom window and I live on the fourth floor and I have dark blinds in my room and I believe that people can see me, even though I have dark blinds lol

@yoooff She wants me to find an erp therapist

@yoooff I need severe help

@yoooff I need intensive therapy

@yoooff I feel like I assaulted him and all I did was stood up to put the fan near me because I was hot and I was on YouTube False memory is really bad it’s depressing and I don’t think I could live with this I feel like if I actually had something to kms I would think about it

@yoooff I appreciate it, thank you! I know I’m typing all crazy 😭

@yoooff Not good, I feel like I have been assaulted in my sleep How are you?

@yoooff I know right all night I was thinking what if I asked my cousin to do this because when I was a child I asked my younger cousin to sit on me or to hump me and I’m just like that’s probably the start of p

@yoooff Cook

@yoooff Terrified

@yoooff I’m sorry for confessing like I keep typing and it’s probably annoying

@yoooff Spanish food- Moro

@yoooff Sorry for making it about me

@yoooff Thank you, I appreciate it!!!!

@yoooff Thank you!!!! 🙏🏻

@yoooff Yessssss

@yoooff I hope you’re doing well!!

@yoooff I’m glad to hear that! I just take breaks I get upset, I’m alive I guess

@yoooff I need help I feel like a pedo because I play Roblox like why I want to dress my character pretty for compliments knowing that there are minors on Roblox like I don’t dress my avatar inappropriate but still want to dress it pretty

@yoooff That’s hard in this life

@yoooff You’re 18+ right?

@yoooff I’m worried because I feel like I’m the only one who gets these intrusive impulses like to flash my chest area

@yoooff I’m just analyzing everything because sometimes I’m confident I have Pocd but when I get thoughts urges and impulses it just reminds me of pedophilic disorder and I get upset I’m scared to ever lose control….

@yoooff Thank you for your support even though I might be annoying it gives me relief to just type this I don’t like holding it in

@yoooff Thank you!