ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

I’m so tired I HATE THIS

I’ve seen so many online posts where people say their SOOCD fears became true. I can’t stop having anxiety over this. And I don’t understand how people are so “supportive” over this? Cause have it been POCD or HARM OCD fears becoming true none of y’all would’ve reacted the same way. - It makes me loose so much hope. How am I supposed to go back to my real old self when I’ve read information like this? It was so comforting knowing that these intrusive thoughts were just OCD, that they were EGO DYSTONIC, that they are unlikely to happen and that erp will fix everything. HELLO? How will I believe this information when I’ve seen people becoming their worst fears (soocd)? I swear I hate this SO much. I just want to love men like I’ve always did. I hate ocd and these people posting shit like that -

ccheney0

Date posted: 12w

Let me see If I understand you. Because I think I may be missing context. You're concerned that you're not attracted to men the way you used to be?

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

@ccheney0 Exactly. I LOVED men and I’ve had so many crushes on men. I recovered from HOCD back in winter 2022- winter 2024. Then it all started again in 2025. I’ve recently seen so many posts where people who had hocd/soocd say their ocd fears became true. This is NOT what I want. And how could those people have had ocd and then their thoughts became reality? How is that ego dystonic? I’m loosing so much hope in life

ccheney0

Date posted: 12w

@ocdsurviver Well, let's think about it for a minute. I'm sorry I'd this isn't good advice but at the moment I just began my own recovery journey after a severe relapse and I'm new to the app. But! For what its worth, sexuality represents itself on a spectrum. Just because you're feeling unsure about the way you feel about men now doesn't mean it'll always feel this way. It's also a normal part of life for our preferences to change along side with us. None of that is a reflection of the kind of person you are. Just remember. While unpleasant in the moment these feelings do pass. And this community will be there for you while you figure out what you need.

ccheney0

Date posted: 12w

@ocdsurviver Also congrats on your healing! I feel good that you'll get back to that point again.

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

@ccheney0 Thank you for your reply, I genuinely appreciate it. Is it true that it’s just a spectrum? I hear people saying so many different things😭

ccheney0

Date posted: 12w

@ocdsurviver Well alot of people tend to have a lot of opinions on this particular subject. Especially the way things are this day and age. I think its possible for you to have complicated feelings about men. It doesn't mean you dont like them. Or that you never will again if thats what you want. I'm no psychiatrist but I am a queer woman. And I know plenty of other queer people who go through a mourning process when they figure out that they aren't what they thought they should be. You may be grieving a loss of identity right now.

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

@ccheney0 I know I loved men and still do. I really really want to go love men like I’ve always done. Your last bit of your comment triggered me a little 😭 I DONT want to become something I am not

ccheney0

Date posted: 12w

@ocdsurviver My apologies. I'm still new to this 😔. I think it helps to focus on the fact that this overwhelm you're experiencing will recede. Just like the tide. They're only thoughts. They will pass.

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

@ccheney0 No worries 🙏🏻 I hope these bad thoughts will pass. I hope to return to loving men like I used to. Ah I miss it so much. I hope you recover from your relapse too!

hydrogenbaby...

Date posted: 12w

@ocdsurviver it is absolutely a spectrum! which does not help the ocd one bit, i know. ocd wants things to be black and white and queerness usually isn't as clear cut as it's portrayed sometimes! but i will say, if you mainly feel that your attraction to me dwindles during ocd spikes, it is likely due to your increased stress + intrusive thoughts about them. anxiety can make it hard to have any sort of attraction/crushy feelings in my experience. (i have rocd and it can block my good feelings HEAVILY. i think it's bc our brains are moreso focused on survival.)

hydrogenbaby...

Date posted: 12w

@Anonymous ***attraction to men😭😭😭

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

@Anonymous God BLESS you for this comment. It’s helping me so much. I’m happy you could relate somehow. I cant wait to get my usual attraction back to men 😭

hydrogenbaby...

Date posted: 12w

@ocdsurviver i ABSOLUTELY get you!! usually my coping skills help to get my feelings back gradually. attempting to force them back just makes the ocd worse, so ive learned to kind of "set it and forget it". so ill have the intrusive thought and then try to immediately do erp, and i then KEEP pressing in on the erp as much as i can handle. (sometimes erp can be worse on your ocd! and it's okay to take a break and use other coping skills.) basically, it helps to treat the absence of these feelings just like any other ocd symptom imo :)

Dreamydream

Date posted: 12w

@ocdsurviver Can i ask how you recovered?

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

@Dreamydream It just went away after two years and then it got replaced by a new real event ocd theme. I wish i could go back to that real event ocd theme, it was WAY better.

Dreamydream

Date posted: 12w

@ocdsurviver Yeah i feel you 😭 hocd is hell especially mixed with tocd. Have u experienced that?

anonymousssmm

Date posted: 12w

I’m struggling with the same thing as you right now and I understand you very well. I have also recently seen a lot of posts where people say that their soocd fears have became true. Seeing the posts have made me very anxious and they made me question everything all over again. I’m so tired of it too and I want to be myself again. Because of the posts I started to fear that what if the same thing happens to me, what if the awful thoughts become true:((

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 12w

@anonymousssmm I’m so sorry about that! These posts that people are posting are literally driving me INSANE. I hope they’ll get punished somehow cause it’s literally so incredibly evil of them. They probably don’t even have ocd

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 20w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

Lulu~

Date posted: 19w

PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME TT (lowkey begging)

I told a few people on social media about my OCD, including POCD and how distressing it is. But everyone went quiet, then a few hours later I posted that I don’t support pedophilia at all neither do I justify it or am a pedo. Then someone replied with: “I think someone might take it bc u have such an obsessive fear of it u might have actual p3 do philic tendencies” I can’t do this anymore, I’m terrified to spiral again like a few months ago but I’m on the brink of doing it again. I’m shaking and stressing tf out I hate this so so so so so much

POCD

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 13w

Triggering posts

I sometimes see posts on here of people saying their OCD fears becoming true and it’s so so triggering for me. It makes me question if I ever had OCD and if I’m just faking it. I’ve tried to accept that my fear was real. Okay? Before I knew this was OCD, I really TRIED to accept it as a part of myself because I figured if I was even having those thoughts, it must be true. But in reality it just made me feel worse in the end. It wasn’t until several hours/few days after accepting the thoughts as true did I realize they were not and how uncomfortable it made me identifying with them that way, so eventually I went back into the rumination cycle. And I’ve done this multiple times. No matter how much I’ve accepted it as real, I never come to a conclusion in the end and I just get 10x more miserable. And I am still so scared of my fear coming true as those peoples did. But I know that’s what we all fear, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. And with a new fear I just developed, (all in the realm of the same theme) I’ve also tried to accept it as real when I felt SUPER convinced and even though it felt excruciatingly real, there was a part of me that couldn’t fully believe it, because I just know viscerally that it’s not. But the feeling of it being real is just too powerful and it overmastered any ounce of insight I had left. It wasn’t until my OCD spike calmed down when I was able to see through the viel. I hate this. I have no desire to do anything that my thoughts tell me. I know what I want to be, want to do, and it’s the opposite of those OCD thoughts. But these triggering posts won’t leave. (Not really the publishers fault, it’s my ritual that I engage in). They make me come all back to square one (if I wasn’t there already) and question if I’m using this as an excuse. I don’t want to do what my OCD tells me to do, but my brain just spits, “you’re just convincing yourself you don’t want this!” as it so often now does. I’m so tired. Please give me my old self back. Please give me 100% certainty that none of this is real and my fears are not at all based in reality. My brain cannot accept uncertainty and will not leave me alone. My brain is raged and powerless without knowing why, and spiels that anger back on me to get a reaction, and when it gets what it wants, the cycle continues. And goes way longer than I had bargained for :(

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

I’m so tired I HATE THIS

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community