tw: slightly nsfw I don't mean something like "I made a sexual joke and a child was nearby " or "I was 19 and thought a 17 y.o. was attractive" Like something actually bad not the "I'm freaking over this because I have OCD" type of situation, but more like "I did something horrible and I happen to have OCD which makes it even worse" type of situation I did some really fucked up sexual stuff at 14-16 and they haunt me.
You're not alone š« Except in my situation, I didn't obsess over it until my OCD spiraled out of control. Before that, it was only slight embarrassment, or, "Why did I do that back then?" When my OCD latched onto it, though, it was like the end of the world lol Most of my regrets are just due to being online WAY too young and exposed to things I shouldn't have been at that age.
For me it was that when I was 14 I didn't even realize I was doing something wrong, when I reinacted it at 16 it was to check if I "liked it" and does it mean I have a certain paraphilia. So the next time it was due to OCD checking, but the first time it wasn't. Both are still very bad, but in both situations I didn't realize how morally awful it was. At 14 I didn't even gave the action a second thought, at 16 I thought it was gross, but only after a month realized that it was also morally wrong. Also same, since I was young i was exposed to a lot of weird sexual stuff online, also I was for some reason very sex obsessed since I was a kid, like a kindergarten age, genuinely don't know why. So while I wasn't exposed to material related to exactly what I did, I think weird sexual material l I saw had some intact on me, idk tbh.
@emma345 It's possible. Being exposed to that stuff at a young age caused me to be sort of hypersexual, too :( I'm sorry that happened to you
Yeaup! Youāre not alone, Iām here with youšāāļø
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I get it, someone here once asked If I'm autistic because "How didn't you realize at 14 that this was wrong?"... People often expect some innocent events even if you warn them that they were actually bad
@monsters Yeah it sucks, while I'm used to people using "autistic" as an insult, I don't think people on the spectrum are like necessarily "dumber" or something, so sorry if it sounded offensive. It's just that the person who said that to me probably implied that I think, so it wasn't nice to hear. Cause it sounded like "you were WAY to old to do that there is supposed to be something wrong with you". Hope you will get better... real event ocd is hell
@emma345 Im sorry someone said this to you too. You donāt deserve criticism but a place you deserve compassion and understanding. I hope youāll find more of that here instead of that response. Iām sorry that you had to go through thatš«
@rainbows I mean I think I do deserve it, my event was genuinely fucked, but well doesn't mean it doesn't hurt lol
@emma345 And mine is too, weāre all in this together š«
@emma345 Iām sorry that someone told you something like that, genuinely ā¤ļøāš©¹
Getting eaten alive by thoughts right now, when I was a child me and other kids around my age would experiment and do things we shouldnāt have, Iām talking very young, like 3-5 as I got older I was for whatever reason always curious to a horrible extent and it lead me to do in appropriate things to kids around me, I was 7-8 at the time. I would say it happened 3 times in total in my childhood. And i eventually told my parents the last time it happened because even though I didnāt know it at the time. I had ocd. And I knew it was bad. That was when it all started. I feel absolutely disgusted with my 7 year old self and it comes up every once in a while especially when I hear anything about sexual abuse. Iām nearly 20 now and I enjoy my life for the most part and Iāve been down the ocd path before but I feel unforgivable. And I never want to tell anyone about it, but my ocd seems to want that. I have a beautiful girlfriend that had some traumatic things happen to her and I love her with my soul. I donāt ever want that to come up. Because thatās not who I am. When will I be able to forgive myself? If at all I hope Iām not alone.
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didnāt know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... don't ever want to ever be a P at allā¦ I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i donāt ever want to ever be a rapist at allā¦ I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...Ā I didnāt realize how horrible the real events actually wereā¦ I was 14 at the timeā¦ now Iām 23ā¦ my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real eventsā¦ while my mom reassures me all the time that itās all over, that itās not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that Iām not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someoneās similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they neededĀ to turn themselves inā¦ I donāt ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or formā¦ i didnāt know how horrible the real events were when I was 14ā¦ I really didnātā¦ and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kidsā¦ I was 14 and didnāt realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever againā¦ I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real eventā¦ I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the futureā¦ I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14ā¦.. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kidsā¦Ā I was 14 and didnāt realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever againā¦ I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real eventā¦ And itās comparing me to actual Pās and chomoās who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think Iām a P and a Chomo because of itā¦ I donāt ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any wayā¦Ā ššš
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