Sick, but getting better.

So I reached “conquerer status” awhile back, but never felt like I conquered. I masked my progress with willful avoidance. Then things got very bad for me, meta-ocd started pulling at subtypes I never aligned with, and it basically got my nervous system “stuck” where every day was a nightmare of anxiety. And then with help from my therapist, I leaned it. I challenged myself and stopped avoiding, because I had already been through hell. And in 3 weeks, my progress now is remarkable. I have my bad moments, but not so much bad days, and even if I do, I’ll tolerate them too. I may still be sick, but I’m definitely getting better. So now I can write this post and congratulate myself. Because I’ve earned that, and I’m going to keep earning it. If you ever feel like it’s not working, or you’re “doing it wrong” just keep doing it, reach out, and lean in.

kjwdad2

Date posted: 7w

Congratulations I'm so happy for you. That is all I look for is one good day. Where my mind is not racing these thoughts and I can breathe easily. I have a few of those days a month. But most of it is a struggle. I'm trying my hardest and meeting with my therapist twice a week I'm on medication I just need to find a way to move past this. Any suggestions or recommendations will be very helpful!

dabbingpuggle

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7w

@kjwdad2 Thank you. Everyone is different so what works for me may not work for you, but something I’ve found helpful is when confronting a trigger I remind myself that avoiding it is a choice I’m making, and that choice will not help me get better. So I do the thing I’m scared of, and I label the thought as irrelevant and I keep going without engaging. Another tool I’ve found helpful is an app called Yapp. It’s like 3 bucks a month but it randomly sends me notifications and I tailored them to say things like “you can tolerate this” “keep going” etc. There is a difference between reassurance seeking and positive reinforcement. Lastly, be kind to yourself. I would get so frustrated if I was getting stuck, or not practicing an exposure perfectly. Thinking if I don’t do this right I’m undoing all my work. That’s a trick the ocd is pulling. Any pushback is effective. It takes time, I’m in treatment 15 months now, it took me 14 months to put it all together and I’m still learning. Keep at it KJW!

kjwdad2

Date posted: 4w

@dabbingpuggle Thanks for the kind words in the encouragement. It's ironic because today was a really bad day. I didn't sleep well last night I was up most the night and that's when my anxiety really kicks in because then I worry about how am I going to function throughout the day at work. Luckily I had a doctor's appointment so I was able to leave work early but I'm still very wound and very tensed up and it's evening time around 6:00 p.m. but I'm going to take it as a lesson learned I made it through the day I didn't have to take any other medication. And I'm just going to put one foot forward in front of the other

dabbingpuggle

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4w

@kjwdad2 Funny, I also had a rough day. And you know what, that’s okay. You did a lot today, give yourself credit, because for as bad as any moment was today for you and for me. Here we are, connecting in someway and supporting each other. Still have some day left, so let’s make the best of it and keep moving!

kjwdad2

Date posted: 4w

@dabbingpuggle Yes I am not giving up I'm never giving up it's not an option for me I'm going to beat this come hell or high water I'm going to find a way and I'm going to use the tools in my toolbox and my therapist and everything else that I have.

littleApple22

Date posted: 7w

That is amazing! Sometimes it hard to make the change, but living with anxiety all day is hard too! I’m hopeful when I hear stories like this. I thought I was okay, but I realized I was just avoiding the problems and now I’m making more effort in fixing them

Brenna - NOC...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 5w

'leaning in' is a great lesson! You should feel so proud of yourself!

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