im really anxious because im in therapy with a private psychologist but am planning to see a psychiatrist in the public healthcare service soon since i cant afford to see a private one, to see if i should start taking meds. im 24 but i still live with my parents and they are extremely against meds and psychiatrists in general, don't believe in mental health issues but most of all they have no trust in our country's public system and believe all doctors there will be bad doctors. i mentioned to my mom that i'll be going to ask for info tomorrow and she was really skeptical and now im even more anxious. im also scared that they'll reject me because my case isn't severe. i feel horrible im really scared and i have to do all of this alone, i have no irl friends who could come with me or other family members.

I have a dilemma. You might’ve seen my previous posts about me babysitting a kid that isn’t mine. Trigger warning for POCD It started off small. One night I helped him change into PJs Then I had him for a whole week, a lot of changing and bath time. And also the kid is terrified of sleeping alone and needs someone RIGHT NEXT TO HIM which is REALLY HORRIBLE for me During this week I was having hella intrusive thoughts and eventually had a complete melt down (while the kids were at school) This is my only income at the moment, from this family who hires me to tutor the kids and occasionally babysit. I used to tutor a lot more kids but I reduced my hours because of intrusive thoughts I agreed to babysit for two weeks while the parents go on vacation in April. I’m already having a shit ton of anxiety about it. I tried looking for a therapist but I’m having no luck finding someone who accepts my insurance. I’ve also stopped taking my meds because they made me suicidal. My access to mental health professionals right now is limited so I can’t really go talk to a professional about this situation. My best friend is strongly urging me to tell them I will not be able to babysit in April. Even if it’s last minute because of how bad my anxiety got just that one week before and because I’m already dreading it. I know this is good exposure but probably not the best idea since I don’t have a professional guiding me. I don’t even know what to tell the parents about why I suddenly can’t babysit if we’ve had this agreement for months. I’m not looking for reassurance or advice on how to deal with the thoughts. What would you do though? If you were me and your anxiety is through the roof and your meds are fucked and no one takes your insurance and you’ll be stuck babysitting a little boy for two weeks (helping him change and bathe and sleep in the same bed) like I can’t... How would I even explain this to anyone?

i'm sorry in advance for how long this post is and if it's to much information. i'm undiagnosed but have been struggling with compulsions and intrusive thoughts since i was 7 or 8. My worst intrusive thoughts theme has been about p*d*phil*s. I've been dealing with it since my freshman and sophomore year but these thoughts didn't become debilitating until June of last year. I had a panic attack and confessed to my parents about these intrusive thoughts. They were obviously shocked and share. I felt so ashamed and like a monster. After talking with my dad he said we would see a therapist about it. Sadly we never did the first appointment we were late and missed are spot and the second appointment i sprained my ankle the night before so instead i was in the hospital. After that i closed myself off i tried dealing with them on my own using sources like NOCD and stuff. I did try to bring up going to therapy to my parents. Every time they would ask me if the intrusive thoughts were back and I would lie saying "no i just would like to go to therapy" I was so scared they'd be afraid of me and stop loving me, especially my mom. Eventually after awhile my parents forgot about it and I tried ignoring these intrusive thoughts because I was so focused and stressed from school. I decided I could just wait till I turn 18 and schedule myself into therapy. recently though my intrusive thoughts have gotten worse. I recently had a convo with one of my friends who has intrusive thoughts as well and she's encouraging me to talk to my parents. I'm asking y'all what should I do. As much as I'm scared I want to get help because I'm sick of living and feeling like i'm day away from acting on my intrusive thoughts.

I’m scared of going to therapy/counseling incase I slip up and tell to much and get put into a mental hospital or CPS will get involved (I am 18 but the age of majority is 19 in my state so until next year I can still be taken and put into a foster home) I’m scared of being on medication, when I was around 8-9 my mom had me so medicated for my anxiety and OCD I would sit there and drool on myself…as embarrassing as it is it’s true. I’m scared of being diagnosed with something else and it limiting me in the future. I’m scared of my therapist/counselor going home at the end of the day and making fun of me or telling my story to people. Anyone else have any experiences like this or advice? Thanks!