- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 18d
You can recover!
I've become an OCD conqueror and Im pretty proud of myself. Not sure if anyone will read this. I've been battling OCD this year with the tools I've learned from NOCD and it's been challenging, but incredibly life changing and empowering. I still suffer from symptoms, I still do compulsions, I still avoid triggers and seek reassurance. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm learning and I'm improving. Progress isn't linear my friends, but it DOES get better. I feel so grateful that I got the help I needed. I was in a very dark place before starting therapy with NOCD, and I can't say I loved the process in the beginning. I didn't want to do ERP, I didn't want to discuss my symptoms or thoughts or talk to a therapist. Sometimes I did it half assed and begrudgingly, but I knew I had to stick with it to see improvement and I did. Recovery isn't pretty, it can be hard especially when no one sees you battling OCD and wrestling with the unbearable guilt, anxiety and rumination. ROCD had a grip on me. I've gone on trips with my girlfriend where I was convinced it was the last one, because nothing quite "felt right" and I wasn't sure if I was lying to her when I said "I love you." We'd be sitting down on the couch and I'd feel like I was being tortured, constantly doubting whether or not I'm in the right relationship or whether or not I truly love her, compulsively rubbing her arm or kissing her lips to see if I "feel in love." She never knew how much I was suffering. I would stay up late crying, wishing I wasn't a "shallow monster" who secretly didn't love his girlfriend, wishing I could stay committed and focused. Through this journey of recovering from OCD, using the methods I've been taught and being consistent with my exposures, I've managed to greatly reduce my symptoms. Even if I am suffering, I now know I can handle discomfort and that I'm stronger than I think. I can tolerate the intolerable, I can bear with uncomfortable thoughts, sensations and feelings. I can keep my cool. It isn't easy, but it is worth it. You CAN overcome OCD. You CAN make progress. Whoever is reading this, I'm incredibly proud of you for taking the steps to recover. These are skills that will help you for the rest of your life. You CAN do it. I believe in you.