Does anyone relate? I’d love advice

Ive been with my partner for 2 years. I haven’t had sex with my partner in a pretty long time. I feel like it’s been so long now that the idea of having sex is really causing me anxiety. I also don’t want to kiss or makeout as much. When he brings up sex or making out more or anything intimate it gives me anxiety. I feel like I truly don’t want to do those things, and that scares me. When we started dating I don’t think that this gave me anxiety, I think I was excited about it. But now it’s something that I find I’m almost avoiding. I want to be excited to kiss him and be with him but I’m just not, and I’m worried that that means the relationship is over. I know that the honeymoon phase isn’t forever but is this really what a relationship is supposed to feel like? This has gone on for so long now that I’m almost scared enough to admit to him how I feel rocd wise. I wanted to add that I’ve been on antidepressants nearly my entire life and i definitely have low libido anyway, so not being intimate doesn’t really bother me. Sometimes I can’t figure out if that’s the case or if it’s just because I don’t find my partner attractive anymore. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to force myself to be intimate but I think he’ll catch on that something’s wrong if I keep telling him no. If anyone has any advice, or relates at all, id really appreciate it, thank you.

Heroic OCD

Date posted: 19h

Hey I have ROCD and it has been such a crippling and debilitating condition over the last two years (especially the last year since my fiance and I got engaged) but I’ve been working through it with therapy and resources and I’m really starting to make a stride in my healing journey. My biggest recommendation is to check out resources from Mark DeJesus, his content is incredible. For ROCD specifically, buy his book “The Myth of the Perfect One” on Amazon. Such a quick read but packed with insight. And go to YouTube and search “Mark DeJesus coaching you through relationship OCD” it opened my eyes instantly to what was going on inside me. Here’s the direct link in case you can click it: https://youtu.be/iE-qzoMEp84?si=yHeKyMf2bgRVMFsz The biggest takeaway is that those of us with ROCD if we’re really honest with ourselves struggle with varying degrees of: - emotional immaturity when it comes to relationships - perfectionism - self criticism and judgement (and sometimes even as far as self hate) - massive fear of uncertainty - OCD as a disorder of “doubt” that drives compulsive rumination, negative looping, reassurance seeking - and ultimately we have a major issue with “unconditional love” where everything becomes conditional I have struggled and suffered immensely because of my ROCD, but what I realize now is how much I have lived with conditional love towards myself, and how that has manifested outwardly in projecting immense conditional love on my fiance, and ultimately how devastating that has been for her. I was focusing so much on myself and these fears and doubts that I robbed so much of the love I could have shared with her for years. And while previously I would shame myself about this and go into negative looping, at some point we all must make a conscious decision that we need to grow up and mature our approach to relationships with ourselves and others. I share all of this not to be harsh but to really sober up and get real with how we’re showing up in our energy each day and if it aligns with our core values. One of the biggest challenges with ROCD is vulnerability, but as brene brown shares in all of her research, there is immense power there. Remainder open hearted towards yourself and shift more into the energy of unconditional love. We will never think our way to change, we have to behave our way to change. Sending so much love and strength your way on your journey and hope some of this helps.

faye1010

Date posted: 24w

ROCD

Good morning everyone, I need some opinions or help on what people might think is wrong. March 2024 is when I started questioning everything about my relationship for no reason he is everything that I wanted, but my mind is trying to tell me that it isn't April 2024 was probably one of the worst times of my life I stayed home from work because I was constantly crying and totally sick because I didn't know what to do. The thoughts slowly started to not bother me as much. I feel like since it ever started I never have gotten that. Love feeling back for my boyfriend, but I want it back so bad because when I did have it, it was absolutely amazing. I have no desire to kiss him or be intimate with him either which also scares me fast-forward to today. I am waking up with so many doubts in questioning myself. Is this ever gonna go away or am I ever gonna feel that love back for my boyfriend ever again? I feel like I'm wasting his time and my time because it feels never ending. I went to a therapist shortly after starting to deal with this and she didn't really seem to help so now on Wednesday I have a new therapist that specializes in OCD I think does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much in advance.

polish_germa...

Date posted: 17w

Can it still be OCD if I don’t feel sexual attraction to my partner anymore?

Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.

polish_germa...

Date posted: 17w

Can OCD make you question whether you’ve ever truly felt sexual desire?

I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.

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