Bf has ROCD

Hey, so I don't have ROCD, but my boyfriend does. And I'm kinda worried. Is it going to last forever? I don't want him to live with that disorder for the rest of his life. He is going to start doing ERP. I've read a tons of books about the process of ROCD recovery. I looked for articles, posts on Instagram, I googled, I asked ChatGPT and yet I'm still worried it won't get better. Everytimes he tells me about his thoughts, about how maybe I'm not the one, about how he potentially doesn't love me, it hurts. I know he must be suffering more than I am, but its still an horrible feeling. I keep telling myself that this is not him, that it is his ROCD talking and stuff, but I don't know.. Its just, a lot to handle. Can someone help me? If you recovered from ROCD please tell me. Tell me how it is. Tell me how you live with it. Are you happy in your relationship? Do you want to spend your life with this person? Are the thoughts still there but you manage to live with it? And as his girlfriend, what should I do if he keeps telling me those thoughts? I have so many questions

Wolfram

Date posted: 21d

It does get better but only of the effort is put in. The process will stress him out and you'll want to reassure him, don't. Its better done with a therapist more likely to be successful. It is possible to recover but it might be one of the hardest things he ever does

Annelsa

Date posted: 21d

Thank you. He's gonna get better then, because he's doing everything for that, and I know this is going to be hard for him, but he is brave.

Wolfram

Date posted: 21d

You sound judt like the support he needs

[Deleted]

Date posted: 21d

Comment deleted by user

Wolfram

Date posted: 21d

@Knifed Im gonna argue against that. No reassurance. It'll make him worse. Encouragement is fine

JediMJ

Date posted: 21d

Hello. I’m sorry you’re going through this and glad you are trying to help your boyfriend and yourself. Confessing is a compulsion, so hopefully he learns to stop telling you his thoughts and also seeking reassurance. It just feeds the cycle. I’ve made a lot of progress and I continue to have to apply the things I’ve learned. On days when I’m tired or stressed, I tend to have more intrusive thoughts. It sounds like you are a steady support for him—I would caution you against trying to “fix” this for him. It’s good that you are gaining knowledge and understanding but this is his battle and he will need to tolerate discomfort. My ex felt like she couldn’t go out with her friends because I would get irrationally afraid that she might cheat on me, even though I knew she wouldn’t. It made no sense—how scared I was—until my therapist figured out we were dealing with ROCD. My ex made herself really small to try to help me and it didn’t work at all, for either of us. You have to let him live with uncertainty. And take care of yourself—I know how hard it was for my ex, though I didn’t at the time. Your feelings are also valid. It’s not easy to pour all this love into a person who can’t seem to hold onto it.

Annelsa

Date posted: 21d

Thanks a lot for your answer. I know I am not supposed to fix him, but I know more about ROCD recovery than he does and I feel like I have to explain it to him. And sometimes I'm encouraging him into not telling me stuffs, and accepting his fears but when the ROCD is active, he don't listen to me anymore. He told me that " I kept suffering for the last months" and that "you don't know how I feel" so idk what to do in those situations. I feel miserable. I don't want him to be like that anymore, ever.

Annelsa

Date posted: 21d

I wanna add that I don't plan on leaving him, and also we're are in a long distance relationship. He keeps telling me that once we're gonna see eachother it's gonna calm his ROCD, his anxiety, his thoughts and so on.. But I feel like he's probably wrong. Does someone know if it will disappear, just partly, or not at all?

Annelsa

Date posted: 21d

Does giving him the keys to recovery and just let him use them is bad? Like if I tell him all he gotta do –mindfulness, ACT and so on– and then let him do that alone, does it works? Idk if you understand what I mean

JediMJ

Date posted: 19d

@Annelsa He has to want to get better, to feel motivated to make changes. It’s not an easy process, but it does work. Is he able to go to therapy? I really feel for you in all of this. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot. It *is* his ROCD talking, but that doesn’t mean his words don’t hurt. Support him in ways that feel good to you, but also make sure you are taking care of your own needs. 💕

Annelsa

Date posted: 19d

@JediMJ Thanks a lot 💗

Jpais28

Date posted: 16w

ROCD advice help for supporting partner

I am at a very difficult spot in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and I have a history of cheating that for years we’ve been trying to work through. To me, it makes a lot of sense that my OCD has attached itself to this and for the last few years I’ve experienced intrusive sexual thoughts of others and relationship ocd. I have been open to him about the content of my thoughts and now, with a proper diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, I am able to reframe them and work through them with ERP so that my brain will *hopefully* get bored and stop sending them. But, things have not been easy. As a result of this and everything in our past, he has become anxious about all the scenarios where I could be having sexualized thoughts about other people. To him, if I am thinking something utterly different than what I am telling him or acting like to him, he can’t fully trust it. And of course, I can imagine how difficult it is to know your life partner is sexualizing others in her brain and to be able find a way to dismiss them as unthreatening, especially when past mistakes say otherwise. Is there anyone that has gone through this with a partner? And other than repeatedly explaining the egodystonic nature of my thoughts and providing reassurance, what are some things you did that helped them? Any advice helps! Thank you

vy__

Date posted: 16w

Help me help my partner with rocd please !! 🙏🏾🙏🏾

I personally do not have OCD I am here because I love my bf of 6 years He is a great guy but he is having a hard time with rocd he is currently going through a lot of anxiety with was triggered by us discussing engagement plans This makes me sad because we love each other and I hate seeing a good man having to fight his own mind to be able to be in a relationship with me Someone tell me what to do Point me in the right direction please I am here for him and I will not abandon him I want to go back to him with everything I will learn from you guys Thank you

melly07

Date posted: 12w

rOCD

I wanted to talk about my experiences with rOCD since I currently do still suffer from it but I know if I talked about them. My thoughts are just gonna get stronger, but I’ll do it for the sake of talking about my experiences to others who feel like they’re alone. I have a very loving relationship actually my first healthy relationship we are currently still dating one year and six months. I would say these intrusive thoughts started to happen once I hit the one year mark with him. Nothing in the relationship has made me think these thoughts, but it just came. Like when my mind tried to make me think I liked another guy other than my boyfriend and that I was losing feelings for him. I started to panic because I knew that my heart belonged to my boyfriend and having thoughts that were against that belief it made me really anxious cause I never had those thoughts before. I was in and out of the care center at my school constantly having anxiety attacks, and it was affecting me day by day. I talk to my boyfriend about it because my mind can never keep secrets from him because then I would feel like that I’m lying to him… my mind just kinda works that way and I believe it’s due to the situation I have with rOCD. Luckily, he was really supportive.. in thoughts I’ve had was what if I don’t like him anymore or if he doesn’t do this does that mean he likes me or if he’s even the one just a lot of doubts about me and him in the relationship. And for anyone who’s experiencing stuff familiar to this you are not alone invalid only what you believe is what is true. And I know it’s gonna be hard to know what’s true or not because these thoughts that you have versus what’s in your heart you get confused but if you know that you love that person then that’s what true. Also, the only reason why it affected me a lot was because I kept trying to solve it and the only solution is to let those thoughts in and accept that you have those thoughts. I don’t mean as an accept that these thoughts are true, but accepts that those are the thoughts that you’re thinking because if you keep on trying to find a solution to remove them, it only just get worse.

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Bf has ROCD

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