Confessing, please help

I’ve always struggled a lot with confessing. It’s my worst compulsion. My bf has always been really understanding and can usually see the OCD in it more than I can. He’s always grounded me and helped me see the distortion or the OCD. Lately it hasn’t been that way, he takes my confessions out of the context of the OCD. Takes offense. Gets upset, and angry. He’ll say things like “Who says something like that? Why would you say that?” I can’t ask him not to react, that’s not fair, but I’m feeling like a monster is this is only making me want to confess more because every time I do I get a terrible reaction from him and it feels like it just confirms whatever it was was awful. It doesn’t feel like I’m overthinking or getting stuck on a technical truth or just having ocd distort something. It feels like I’m truly a monster. I can’t even defend myself because I can’t tell if it’s really OCD or just me having a bad thought I agree with. I feel scared. He’s never reacted badly like this and it’s happened multiple times now. I know it’s not fair to keep confessing but I’m genuinely struggling and scared. I don’t know what to do, I can’t just write it down or something. That makes it more real. Materializing the confession makes me more likely to confess.

Dily

Date posted: 17h

If confessing is a compulsion you have to sit with the uncertainty and not do it. In this case instead of going cold turkey get a diary and confess to it.. but ONLY a certain time of the day. Teach yourself to sit with the urgency to confess. It will pass.

NobleHeroes

Date posted: 13h

@Dily Journaling has been such a great way for me to take baby steps away from my confessing compulsion so I 100% second this. Like they pointed out, it’s important to sit with that urgency. Take the time and sit with a thought for a day. If you still feel like you need to confess, journal it. It will feel uncomfortable at first but it’s important to remind yourself that that discomfort is so important for healing.

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

I went through something very similar and what I learned is you have to stop confessing because it is not fair to your partner. You haven’t done anything wrong. Thoughts are not threats, they are just thoughts. Sitting with that discomfort and uncertainty is the only thing that will make it stop. When I’m having a hard time I tell myself “maybe I’m meant to confess this, maybe not, and I can live with that uncertainty.” or when having intrusive thoughts using phrases such as “thoughts are not threats, feelings are not facts, distress is not danger, and sensations are not signs.” You have to realize the only thing you are doing by confession is hurting your partner and reinforcing the OCD cycle. Practice your ERPs, practice sitting with the discomfort. Your partner is likely hurt because he does not fully understand what it’s like to live with OCD. You are not a monster, your brain is trying to protect you. But it’s wrong. You can sit in discomfort and you can resist the urge to confess. It takes time and practice, but you got this. And remember, all waves pass eventually. You can do it.

hamza20

Date posted: 17h

every feeling you have, every fear and worry, is completely normal ofcc!!! Experiencing these feelings is not something to be ashamed of on the contrary, being able to recognize and share them is a huge act of courage. You’re doing that, and it’s a sign of your strength. Yuo might struggle with confessing, your thoughts may confuse you, and sometimes your partner might misunderstand. That’s completely normal because this is part of the OCD cycle. But remember, your partner’s reaction does not reflect who you are. It’s about their lack of understanding of OCD, not your worth frienddd!! and In relationships, things usually get better with time or just by talking them through. When I have a problem, I give it a little space, and it really helps me feel calmer and stronger. Remember, it’s okay to take your time healing and understanding each other doesn’t have to be rushed. stay happy friendd!!

cattown22

Date posted: 17h

This is also my worst ocd compulsion too and I learned the hard way that sometimes you just need to sit with a thought for a few days to decipher if it’s something worth confessing or not. Tbh I’ve learned most of the time it’s not and to tell a therapist or a friend and see what they have to say about it

frana

Date posted: 24w

When I Went Too Far Trying to Be Understood

Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(

DannyO507

Date posted: 18w

I need help dealing with this

I have been really really struggling for the past 3 months and haven’t been able to stop intrusive thoughts/ rumination and confessing. It’s making me question my entire life, my relationship and even who I am as a person. It’s mainly effecting my relationship, I am so afraid that I did something or think things that are definitely hurtful to my partner. I know my brain is contorting my own memory and making things seem so much worse. I also know I haven’t done anything bad, all my things I’ve confessed about have been considered “normal” and I’ve been told that “you’re normal, you didn’t do anything wrong”. But I have felt this intense sense of guilt and shame and it doesn’t go away, I can’t even be a normal person anymore. And I keep searching for “just one more thing I need to tell” and I don’t want to keep searching my brain of every time I’ve said or done anything that I can distort and make seem 1000% worse. I’m isolating myself and just feel like I’m a bad person. I keep confessing my thoughts, feeling, urges, etc. to my partner and while I know I would never do any of these I feel like my ocd is trying to convince me that maybe I would because “why else would you think it or feel guilty” and that makes it so much worse. I really need guidance on how to handle this. What do I do to stop feeling like this and heal?

Lillo2000

Date posted: 17w

Confession compulsion

I’ve been feeling the compulsion of confession again. I hate confessing things to my boyfriend I don’t want him to carry the burden. I’d rather hurt than him hurt. But I feel I did something wrong and he needs to know. Like I need to be punished or something. I may be over reacting to it but I just feel guilty and I had a panic attack when I woke up yesterday. I would never cheat on him. Just making guys laugh I feel like I am doing him wrong or flirting. And then when I notice it I just feel awful. I just want to be liked and noticed not romantically but just as a human. I don’t know why I act like this and feel the need to tell him as if I slept with someone. I think it’s attacking my biggest fear which is losing him. Does anyone have experience with this?

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Confessing, please help

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