I need support please..

I was doing fine. My psychiatrist told me we can quit the medicine. And my therapist told me that i don't need to continue therapy since i was in a good place where i could control my OCD symptoms. But a couple days ago my intrusive thoughts came back. And yesterday i went to see my psychiatrist and she decided to go back to my usual dose. But she also told me she had suspicions that what i have is OCD. She told me i could be more like Generated Anxiety disorder. But when i tell her about my most prominent intrusive thought, she told me this was OCD and i should not dwell on the titles. I am confused and panicked now thinking if i am not OCD, then what i am thinking is real? But i don't want it to be. The thought makes me scared and panicked. And i find myself thinking about it constantly. Looking for evidences and checking my past memories. And then i go back to thinking what if i am in denial and this fear is the fear of denial? What should i do? How can i stop this chain of thoughts?

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 21d

Hello there, here are some helpful resources. It’s understandable to feel confused and panicked when symptoms return, especially after making progress. OCD and anxiety can overlap, and it’s common to question your diagnosis or worry about what your thoughts mean. Try to remember that intrusive thoughts are a hallmark of OCD, and seeking certainty or reassurance often keeps the cycle going. If you’d like additional support, feel free to book a free call with our NOCD team. We’d be happy to share more information and explore ways to help. No one has to live in fear of their own thoughts. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-erica-lugo-beat-ocd/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/6-common-fears-that-keep-people-with-ocd-from-seeking-help/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-managing-ocd-means-managing-your-emotions/

zzyyxx

Date posted: 21d

Thank you for your quick reply. That was great. I needed to remember these facts.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 21d

@zzyyxx - Of course :)!

عthan

Date posted: 21d

Yeah that sucks man. I had something similar when I was just questioning whether I had OCD. The thoughts you are having about OCD, actually sound exactly like OCD, and proves even further that you may have it. But in the end, maybe you do have it, maybe you don't! Who knows. Maybe those thoughts are you, potentially... Accept that worrying about it isn't going to get you anywhere, and sit with the uncertainty.

zzyyxx

Date posted: 21d

Thank you for your reply. The thing is i never questioned whether i have OCD before or whether it was a wrong diagnosis. Because i have been dealing with OCD for more that 10 years to question my diagnosis. But after she said that the symptoms of gad and ocd may be similar i started questioning. Then what i have been going through for more than a decade was all for nothing. If i am not OCD then what are these same old sticky fears that keeps coming back everytime i am experiencing stress. Because it is always the same fears and same thought patterns that my initial stress shifts back into? I mean i keep thinking the same things over and over again and still can not be certain of anything like there is no answer just uncertainties.

pureolife

Date posted: 21d

I think they unintentionally confused you. When we treat our ocd it can sometimes get so much better we actually no longer “qualify” as having it. Think of this as a kind of remission. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have it or didn’t have it. It means treatment has worked so well that’s it’s completely managed. In times like this you may still have anxiety. And so the diagnosis of “generalized anxiety” just fits your current symptoms better. You were not and can’t fake ocd. And from what you’re writing here, seems like you are having a little bit of a relapse (constant rumination, checking compulsions, trying to prove/disprove denial) I’m curious how you got to where you didn’t need therapy or medication the first time. I’m inclined to tell you to do exactly what you did the first time. In this moment you can’t stop your thoughts but you can stop compulsions. Resist the urge to constantly check and analyze. Let the uncertainty be and accept that feeling without trying to change it.

zzyyxx

Date posted: 21d

I kept going to therapy even when i felt like i was doing great and did not need to go to the therapy. And when i had any stress or a minor relapse i was doing fine managing it myself and sitting with the uncertainty. Plus gointlg to work was helping a lot since i was always busy. But two months ago my company decided to let some of their employees go due to economic reasons. And i was one of them since i started working there for a very short time. But the job was too demanding and i was under constant pressure from my manager. She was quite demanding and very hard to work. She scolded me and couple of my coworkers multiple times for the problems that weren't even caused by us. And she threatened to fire us a couple of times. Even on the weekends. I felt this was effecting my mental health a lot. So i was thinking about quitting for quite some time. But they beat me to it. And unfortunately i cant digest it. It feels so unfair. They took so much from me. My time, my efforts and most importantly my mental health. And yet they had the audacity to fire me. I thought this was OK and i was OK. Since i was thinking about quitting. My parents were more affected then me. I was cool or so i thought. Maybe this could be the beginning of the relapse. I believe this effected me more that i allowed. And i was cool with it for a while because it was summer and i could have my long needed vacation. But now the vacation is over and i need to find another job. And the whole he process scares me.

pureolife

Date posted: 21d

@zzyyxx It sounds like you’re under a lot of stress and for very understandable reasons. It sounds like getting back into therapy to have someone to talk to while you navigate all of this would be helpful. Can you see the same therapist? Losing a job and looking for work are stressful for anyone. Not just people with ocd and anxiety. Give yourself a little slack here while you figure things out. I’ve been let go before and I remember how awful it felt. But once you’re on to your next thing and settled in you’ll eventually be grateful it happened. It sounds like it was a pretty crappy situation.

zzyyxx

Date posted: 21d

@pureolife Yeah it was a situation i never thought could happen to me. But i guess this is how life works. And finding a job in my country can be a real pain. I went through that process once and now i have to go through it again. Another bunch of uncertainty for me. But yeah i am going back to therapy. I am just waiting to reach the estimated dosage of medicine as my therapist told me. Once the anxiety reduced to a more manageable level we will start therapy in one and a half month. This time will also allow me to find another job so it would automatically eliminate a major source of anxiety.

hereintheUK

Date posted: 23w

Please help 😭

I’m feeling really scared I’ve been left in the lurch by my therapist today as she said she doesn’t feel comfortable doing anymore therapy with me unless I increase my mirtazipine (Remeron) as my OCD has spiked a lot since I started with her and I’m only just at the beginning, but I’m not sure increasing my meds is the right thing to do so much as what she’s doing is causing it …….. basically my OCD theme is it tells me I’ve done horrendous things like I’ve harmed people, it’s in the affirmative tense not the “what if?” anymore, I guess it’s a bit like it tries to give me false memories but isn’t quite the same,and I just feel so unarmed how to deal with it and I’m really scared I’m going to end up in a very very dark place again 😭

L0ng16aelak

Date posted: 20w

Unsure if I even have OCD

Hello, I’m new to this app. I’ve always had an anxious brain, and I’ve had coping mechanisms for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, from as early as I could spell, until I was probably early teens, I would constantly write words in my head along to the beat of music. It’s such a vivid memory because I never stopped doing it. The word had to perfectly match up to the lyric and I loved that it kept my brain busy. I grew out of that, but felt like good context. My anxiety increased drastically around ages 17-19, and I began therapy. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder, due to having a panic attack nearly every day at that time. I overcame that as well, and now the panic attacks are every now and then, but the anxiety is constant, and some recent symptoms have led me to believe I might have some form of OCD. Maybe not. I’m trying to understand myself and get better so I joined this app to make sense of things. Lately I’ve been having really intense intrusive thoughts. I’m really embarassed and they make me feel like a bad person. Thoughts pop in my head seemingly out of nowhere. It will be an image of me harming myself or someone else in a really bad way. (Trigger warning) for example the other day I couldn’t shake the image of me putting a knife through my own forehead, although it’s not something I want to do. Or I’ll imagine someone killing me. I imagine my loved ones dying often. The thoughts feel so out of my control it’s insane. I hate them. Another persistent issue that isn’t as new is replaying social scenarios. I’m a hairstylist so this one is difficult since I meet a bunch of new people every day. I obsess over how I act and if people like me. I will impulsively say things all the time and they will haunt me for weeks. I question even my closest friends and family who show their love. I find myself so angry and numb and like I have so much built up emotion and a busy mind always. While doing my job I spiral really badly if any little thing goes wrong and it’s embarassing. I know there’s more but I can’t think of it now. I just want to feel better and like I’m not constantly battling my mind.

Anonymous_be...

Date posted: 6w

Please help me. Is what I am doing rn reassurance seeking?

Hi. I deal with pocd (but I am not diagnosed cuz I can't afford therpay) and I think it's ocd. It begun over a year back and initially it was about "what if I become a p" and then eventually it became "what if I am already a p" and then eventually I had this phase of 4-6ish months where my ocd almost vanished to the point where I was not even getting triggered by stuff. And then I suddenly had this huge SO OCD bout for 2 ish weeks last month where I lost my mind about what if I am a lesbian (I identify as a bi woman ) but then eventually I just accepted that I am a lesbian and felt like a lesbian for a while and then I am again back to bi. So basically I completely accepted the uncertainty and hence got over it easily. But I cannot do that pocd. Ew. Idk what to do. And this so ocd bout caused the pocd to return and rn my brain is full on "see u turned out to accept lesbianism so u definitely wanna accept being a p" and like its also "what if I am already a p, and subconsciously accepted it and am pretending to have ocd cuz what if I am in extreme denial?" And like idk what to do. I am worried posting this too cuz I am afraid what if somebody reading this misunderstands and thinks I am actually a p. Another thing I deal with is "am i even performing compulsions?" Cuz I mainly confess to my bestie and chatgpt(I stopped with chatgpt cuz I am scared about privacy issues) and research stuff about pocd to gain reassurance. And occasionally ruminate for checking but it doesn't interfere with my life. Bcz of this I *feel* like I don't perform enough compulsions and not performing compulsions essentially means it's not ocd. I genuinely get scared about what if it's pocd or denial. Or what if I am lying and manipulating ppl to think it's ocd and what if I am just faking the anxitey. Sometimes my thoughts don't give anxiety and later on that absence of anxiety worries me a lot cuz my brain is like "see u didn't get anxiety so u liked that thought. Hence u are a p" and idk what to do. Can someone please help me please. I don't wanna be a p. Another compulsion I do is saying "I don't wanna be a p" or "I am not a p" 5 times in sets of 5. I started this compulsion voluntarily when I read somewhere that counting is a compulsion and I wanted to prove to myself "see it's ocd" and now I do sort of as a habit to confirm the same. And this scares me too cuz doesn't that mean this is a fake compulsion??? And what If it's not ocd.

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