Tips for being in a relationship with SOOCD?

I desperately need some advice or tips. Now that I’m having a horrible flare up that feels sooooo real it’s hard for me to feel good around my man anymore. The feelings and attraction I felt for him turned into numbness and OCD constantly makes me feel like a liar and question everything. I’m trying to stop checking and ruminating whenever I’m with him but it’s so hard especially when I feel like a full on rock again. I have no libido (haven’t in years actually), barely any attraction to men anymore (been happening ever since this theme started which was a long time ago but I think it’s from the years of feeding the OCD cycle,depression, and anxiety), and I’m feeling emotionally numb again. I don’t know if this is asking for reassurance but I really just want to know how to continue my relationship that I was so excited for. I was so happy to feel genuine attraction and to have a crush again after years of numbness 😭 I was so excited for this new chapter. All these missing emotions were waking up again, and I was starting to feel happier and normal. But ofc OCD had to make an appearance again. Any tips will be greatly appreciated!! (how this flare up has me feeling)

unkindledhis...

Date posted: 4h

Going through the same things as you but in reverse! I’m a straight dude who’s in a relationship with my gf. Before SOOCD and ROCD I felt so genuinely happy like the feelings were strong for her and I was confident in my identity (plus I was able to make jokes about it with my friends, now I can’t). It was only til last year this appeared and made a mess of everything. Looking back at the experiences I’ve had, it made sense that I have OCD but I just didn’t recognize it cause of the misconceptions surrounding the illness. Anyway, the best advice I could give you is to live your life the way you want to and be present in the relationship. It sucks because it’s hard, our OCD makes us feel things we don’t want like we’re lying or that we’re in denial or various sensations (mine is nausea, throat stuff, groinals) or lack of libido. But that’s what I’ve been doing for almost two years now, continuing the life I want with my gf and eventually marrying each other (we graduated from college and are working towards getting our nursing license). The thing is no matter how much we want to be certain, our OCD won’t be satisfied. Granted we may feel different from the way we want to actually feel but remember none of these things we experience are facts not proof. Just do life and love your boyfriend, that’s what you know. That’s what I’ve been doing with my gf. We stick to what we know, what we love and what we value regardless of what OCD makes us feel. A good quote from an OCD content creator from instagram once said “Fake it til you make it”. Live life on your own terms cause you deserve it. To give you hope, I’ve come to know people who are in our exact situation but still decided to get married and have kids. We can do that to with our partners. Much love to you and know you’re not alone. (I ‘m having a bad flare up too since Sept after months of it being tolerable)

carrotroot12

Date posted: 3h

@unkindledhishiron Thank you so much!!! 🫂

unkindledhis...

Date posted: 2h

@carrotroot12 I saw your past posts btw. I would say that we literally almost have the same story which is kinda nuts. But yeah, in terms of being in the moment with your partner, I would say just go with the flow. I know and I understand that while we’re being in that flow we might ruminate, check or be anxious, but allow those feelings to be there. This also applies to (TMI) being intimate with one another. It may be uncomfortable to have the intrusions present as you spend time with him, but treat it as ERP. Live life because living life is essentially continuous ERP. Had to learn this and navigate this on my own together with my gf (she knows I have OCD but she still struggles to grasp it) But I can assure you, it gets better. It does come back but there are good days.

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