- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi! I struggled with Harm O, Scrupulousity, and HOCD and recovered. I was at the point where I told my mom (trigger warning) “I’m gonna kill myself if this doesn’t get better” and I would pray for God to let me die in my sleep if my obsessions were true so I couldn’t hurt anyone. I’m SO much better now, like even better than before the OCD hit. It takes exposure, healthy eating, and positivity—at least for me, everyone’s different. I’m honestly the happiest I’ve ever been so I promise you, it does get better!
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m curious, how did the eating help exactly? I do not eat healthy at all. I’m finally starting to excercise though so that’s good
- Date posted
- 5y
@OCDLatter-daySaint I guess I’ve just never bought into the eating healthy will help thing...probably because I don’t want to change
- Date posted
- 5y
@OCDLatter-daySaint Hi! I’m a Latter-day Saint too! I have cut back on caffeinated sodas and I’m not as in edge. And as I’ve gotten into more of a habit of exercise, a lot of my other habits have gotten healthier too.
- Date posted
- 5y
@OCDLatter-daySaint Food has a big effect on my menta health personally. But in general, food has a big impact on how we feel and how well our bodies and brains are able to function. I’m not a nutritionist or anything so I can’t explain 100% why I just know I feel so much better while eating wel! Glad you’re getting into exercise; it’s such a good release :)
- Date posted
- 5y
@erin174 Gotcha. I can definitively make improvements on my diet. I don’t have a ton of hope though because I generally hate most vegetables. Like it’s really hard for me to eat them. There are only a few I am ok with. ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@bobhope771 Fun! Nice to see you here. Thanks for sharing. I have started to excercise but I need to be more consistent
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi- faith is very important to me. Many times over now I’ve fallen into this cycle of obsessive thoughts about my body -specifically my penis ?- that I have to make sure it’s good enough. Usually I’m compelled to masterbate and sometimes I’ll go a googling and end up viewing erotic pictures of men. This of course goes against my beliefs about what’s right and wrong. It chips away at my soul. I’ve often concluded that my thoughts and actions make me a bad person- tainted by the things I’ve let into my mind and beyond forgiveness. I’ve been in such a negative state that I’ve even thought about leaving my family because they would be better off without me ( also against my morals). I do well for a while and then it happens again. Prayer and determination just are not enough for me because I’m sick. That’s been and is the hardest thing for me to accept- that I’m sick. Talking to others about what enters my mind and the anxiety and subsequent compulsions is just too shameful for me to do. Honest and open communication with my wife and close friends is proving to be a lifeline for me. I definitely identify with the PureO profile. Been suffering for a long time without knowledge or help. And now I’m starting therapy. I have hope now of recovery. I recently took some advice and cut sugar, alcohol, and caffeine from my diet and that’s helping me a lot with my anxiety and irritability- sorry for the long testimonial
- Date posted
- 5y
That’s my dream
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 22w
Looking back, I realize I’ve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldn’t explain: "What if God isn’t real? What happens when we die? How do I know I’m real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didn’t want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. She’d say, "Maybe you’ll kill yourself—who knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. I’m working again, I’m sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If you’re scared to try ERP, I get it. But if you’re already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 18w
December 14, 2024, marked two years since my first ERP therapy session with my NOCD therapist, Mixi. And October 2024 marked a year of being free from OCD. It was not an easy journey, confronting my fears face to face. Exposing myself to the images and thoughts my brain kept throwing at me, accepting that I might be the worst mother, that my daughter wouldn’t love me, and that I deserved to be considered a bad person. It was challenging having to say, “Yes, I am those things,” feeling the desire to run, but realizing the thoughts followed me. At the start of my therapy, I remember feeling like I couldn’t do this anymore. Life felt unbearable, and I felt so weak. I longed for a time before the OCD, before the flare-ups, before the anxiety, the daily panic attacks. I thought I’d never be myself again. But I now know that ERP saved my life. The first couple of sessions were tough. I wasn’t fully present. I lied to my therapist about what my actual thoughts were, fearing judgment. I pretended that the exposures were working, but when the sessions ended, I went back to not sleeping, constantly overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. But my therapist never judged me. She made me feel safe to be honest with her. She understood OCD and never faltered in supporting me, even when I admitted I had been lying and still continued my compulsions. My biggest milestone in therapy was being 100% transparent with my therapist. That was when real change began. At first, I started small—simply reading the words that terrified me: "bad mom," "hated," "unloved." Then, I worked on listening to those words while doing dishes—not completely stopping my rumination, but noticing it. Just 15 minutes, my therapist said. It wasn’t easy. At one point, I found myself thinking, “Will I ever feel like myself again?” But I kept pushing through. Slowly, I built tolerance and moved to face-to-face exposures—sitting alone with my daughter, leaning into the thought that my siblings might die, reading articles about my worst fears, and calling myself the things I feared. Each session was challenging, but with time, the thoughts started to lose their grip. By my eleventh session, I started to realize: OCD was here, and it wasn’t going away, but I could keep living my life despite it. I didn’t need to wait for it to be quiet or go away to move on. Slowly, it began to quiet down, and I started to feel like myself again. In fact, I am not my old self anymore—I’m a better version. OCD hasn’t completely disappeared, but it’s quieter now. Most of the time, it doesn’t speak, and when it does, I know how to handle it. The last session with my therapist was emotional. I cried because I was finishing therapy. I remember how, in the beginning, I cried because I thought it was just starting—because I was overwhelmed and terrified. But at the end, I cried because I was sad it was ending. It felt like I had come so far, and part of me wasn’t ready to say goodbye, even though I had already learned so much. It was a bittersweet moment, but I knew I was walking away stronger, equipped with the tools to handle OCD on my own. If I could change anything about my journey, it would be being open and honest from the beginning. It was the key to finding true healing. The transparency, the honesty—it opened the door to lasting change. I’m no longer that person who was stuck in constant panic. I’m someone who has fought and survived, and while OCD still appears from time to time, I know it doesn’t define me. I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments. Have you started therapy, is something holding you back? Is there something you want to know about ERP therapy? I'll be live in the app answering each and every one today from 6-7pm EST. Please drop them below!
- Date posted
- 6w
I get the constant wave of sadness that ocd has taken my life from me. I can't share my thoughts and they don't feel like mine. I have episodes where I think God must hate me or see some secret sin in me that I don't see, or else I really really am missing when the holy spirit is saying to me. I want to be free so so deeply and have a normal, independent and fruitful life but God is not answering me. Why do I have these thoughts? Are they spiritual or just my mind? If anyone with Religious ocd can help or share how they navigate a true relationship with Christ while having ocd, I would really appreciate it. For context, I've had dozens of people pray over me and I've literally screamed like a child for God to give the answer, I had faith-based ocd even before i understood the gospel or personally knew Jesus. I want to live with eternity in mind and be free from these things so so much. Thank you!
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