What this is

Hello, I want to know if I love or not, if it's habit or it's attachment or it's that I felt saved by her, who is the only person I talk to about my OCD, the thing is that Today we saw each other and I was indifferent to being with her and with a heaviness in my chest as if she forced me, but she told me at the end of the date, "everything will be fine, you don't want to be unfaithful, you want to break up to escape sometimes, you feel that you treat me badly, you blame yourself a lot" Then I became happy and calm, I felt that the relationship could move forward with that happiness, but it faded and now, well, he wanted to give me my POCD, he was activated by seeing a live where they hunt pedophiles, also when looking for ROCD, POCD video came out and a guy who in a comment said "I want my cousin but I don't do anything to her, he is about 9 years old" More or less the comment was like he was repressing himself and I worried about thinking that that could be me, the thing is that in the afternoon when I returned to my house, my POCD was activated because I was researching Stephen King's "IT", due to tiktok and a murky part of the book came out where children do adult things and at that moment I felt horrible, The thing is that when I felt bad about Pedophilia, I felt like I wanted to be with my girlfriend, but then I kind of felt that with my girlfriend I don't love her and I only use her to feel good or not fall into OCD, since she is the only person I talk to, I slept a little and I felt lonely, I woke up and I felt alone, I feel like I don't love her anymore or I feel a heaviness or a melancholy feeling in my chest, it's ROCD or I'm only with her because she makes me feel safe and in the end I don't love her???, Please write as many as you can, if something is not understood it is that I use a translator

Anonymous

Date posted: 3d

Sounds like a tough situation for sure. Do you have a therapist you are working with to map out these issues? Perhaps you enjoy your relationship with your partner in small part due to obtaining reassurance from them, but that doesn’t mean there is nothing else there, but that is up to you. Take your time in thinking through this, and—if you can—finding a therapist or someone to help sort out your concerns may help you (if you don’t have a therapist already).

AWElanak

Date posted: 3d

Well, I have a therapist, but there are 5 days left to see him, right now I don't enjoy anything, I just feel a strange sensation in my chest and I think about my relationship, whether it should end or not, right now I just woke up, I slept 12 hours and I can't sleep anymore but I want to, I don't enjoy movies or video games and I don't know, I just want to know if I love her or not, because in the end I only feel that I am with her out of dependence and the love is over, I don't know what to do anymore

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@AWElanak Love is complicated, but this dependence is a thing worth investigating. Perhaps you are depressed, I don’t know. You don’t have to reach a decision now, but talking about this with your partner, and asking how they feel about the relationship can help.

Pandora_2003

Date posted: 14w

my experience

i have always been a pretty doubtful and overthinking person all my life, but i have never had bad ocd until something happened in my current relationship i met my boyfriend senior year of highschool, we started off as friends first but then would text all night and found out we have a lot in common, he still lived at his parents house at the time, i'd go over to his or he'd come over to mine sometimes, your typical teen romance story, my rocd didn't start acting up till we started getting serious fast forward to when i started working at my old job and met this guy who pretty much love bombed me, i didn't know it at the time, and so i lost myself during that time trying to balance everyone's feelings, i ended up hurting my current boyfriend really badly and ever since ive had raging rocd, every second of every day i cut this guy off and me and my boyfriend are still together, working it out, and then two christmases ago he gets kicked out of his house, and starts living with me and my family, a huge change i wasn't ready for but it happened my family loves my boyfriend, everyone i've ever introduced him to also does, he truly is an angel, he's so sweet and good to me, i've met all his friends and he's met mine, i could picture a life with him, but currently my rocd is too much to bear, id be better alone but im so deep in this now it's crippling, i can't hangout with my friends without rocd, cant wake up without rocd, cant think of anything without rocd, i cant eat or sleep, life feels like it's no longer real, the relief of breaking up with my boyfriend would free me, but i cant bring myself to, ive tried multiple times, i might just be a coward because i dont want to hurt him again, i dont want to lose him, but ive lost myself, this rocd is driving me insane lets say I break up with my boyfriend, he already got kicked out of his old house and I do not want him to have to feel like he's got to be kicked out again, this is his home now and I just couldn't do that to him, my family would lose someone they see as a son, and I would have to watch him move his stuff which would make me so sad because I care so much for him, I would even move out just so he doesn't have to the thing is I really can't put myself through this anymore, I have to put myself first or this will kill me, idk what to do maybe i could talk to him about how bad my ocd is, tell him that i really have tried to push through but i need a break, maybe we could be friends and work it out? i hope so

🕯

Date posted: 7w

I don't know if i have OCD ADVICE NEEDED

I'm a minor, and I'm embarassed to talk with my parents about this. I have always has intrusive thoughts. Disturbing ones. Since i am a child. Sometimes I ruminated about them, but I usually forgot about them after a while. Now, I've been in this amazing 1 year relationship and I felt real love for the first time. I felt new, loved, I felt ready to marry and have his kids in the momment we had economical stability and could live together. Since march, I've been a mess. In march, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep (i would have horrible nightmares where I cheated on my boyfriend, most of the times with women), and I would find myself in the same tracksuit 7 days a week, incapable of taking a bath, even tho I am obsessed with my visual image (I am goth, and I love to style my clothes, treat my hair and everything). I talked with him about this, and I cried so much, I asked him "what if we need to take a break?" And ge calmly said he would wait for me all the time i needed, while giving me cookies on the mouth because i was not able to pick them myself. "Depression, erection, whatever, I'll always be here" he said joking. God I love him. We agreed to make a break but we couldn't handle it. We got back later that day. I felt reliefed and that night, I was able to eat and sleep, but next day it was all over again. And with this "you don't love him" thought, these came too: "you are a lesbian", "maybe you like your ex", "look at that guy there, you like him", "you dont give your man attention enough", "you're getting bored", "just by having these thoughts you are already cheating on him", "you don't care anymore if he cheats on you", "HE IS CHEATING ON YOU, YOU ARE TRASH, HE WANTS HIS EX", "your relation will end just like your last one". And this sensation too, that I consider to be the worse: Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend and my ex are mixed up. Context- I broke up with my ex last year, cause he would not give me personal space, and I couldn't take it anymore. I knew what I felt. But now, sometimes my mind tells me that I'm still with my ex, that my pictures with my boyfriend are false, and it's my ex there, my mind tells me I like to think about this but I don't. What if I do?? I'm going crazy. When I look ate the plushies my boyfriend gave me my mind tells me "It was your ex who gave them to you". When I'm watching a serie "that character looks like your ex". And this was the worst situation: once, I was with my boyfriend and we were having sex. Suddenly my mind told me I was having sex with my ex and not with my boyfriend. (My boyfriend is the first and only one who ever saw me and touched me that way.) I panicked. I pushed him away, telling to get off of me, crying, almost yelling, I couldn't see my beautiful boy there, and it hurted so much. I beggined to pull my own hair, scratch my own legs and punch my own face. But my boyfriend was there. He huged me, and for the first time, I felt uncomfortable with him because I couldn't tell who he really was. I stayed in that mood for like 2 weeks in july, and now it started again. Please, someone help me. Kind words, but mostly advices are needed

Relationship OCD

Annomous_bcye

Date posted: 5w

Rant/vent? (Any advice is welcomed)

So for context me and my girlfriend have been together for closing in on 8 months. We're really happy! And we've always been happy. However I believe in am dealing with ROCD (ive had ocd symptoms all throughout my life) and its begun to affect me badly. First off a few months ago I randomly got the thought of "what if I am losing feelings?" Usually I can dismiss intrusive thoughts like this easily but this one stuck. This one would plague my mind and thoughts for weeks on end, it caused me anxiety and sadness and I was extremely scared. Then one day, the thoughts just went away. We carried on as usual, then one day we went to out friends Quince. We were there and dressed up nice eating with friends and during conversation the topic about our age gap came up. I wasn't thinking when i said this and then I ended up saying the age gap me and my ex had instead of the one me and my girlfriend now have. I am over my ex and i dont miss her and didnt ever miss her at all throughout me and my girlfriends entire relationship however I immediately felt awful. It was a slip of the tongue but intrusive thoughts flooded my mind of "what if im not over her?" Or stuff like "what if I miss her?". I told my girlfriend about the slip of the tongue and she insisted that it was ok and that we were ok, but the thoughts lingered. For months on end I proceeded to have those same intrusive thoughts about my ex, it branches off into intrusive memories and dreams as well. Its also caused me to have intrusive thoughts about other things as well. For example when talking to someone ill have the intrusive thought of being attracted to them and it makes me panic, or ill overthink getting s groinal response when I accidentally see something revealing, and other thoughts that IF they were true would heavily collide with my relationship. And worst of all, the thoughts of not being in love with my girlfriend have resurfaced stronger than ever. Every waking moment of every waking day have been filled with these thoughts ever since the incident and ive been in constant anxiety and when im not anxious im either discomforted or sometimes even numb. It scared me because my brain tries using it as proof that my thoughts are true and that I dont love my girlfriend. Last night I bawled my eyes out at the thought of losing her but these thoughts still continue. We have cute happy intimate moments where I feel madly in love and then my thoughts shatter that. Its miserable, and im scared, and drained. I do want to lose my girlfriend, she's been the greatest person to me ever and I do love her so much. I hate that I can rationalize my love for her because I wouldn't care this much if I didnt but also that these thoughts are extrenely powerful and cloud my mind. Any tips to manage this? I dont have access to therapy at least not for now and i need help

Relationship OCD

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