Is this a common obsession?

I have been with my boyfriend for well over 3 years. I didn’t develop these unwanted thoughts until last December, so almost a year ago, and they have been plaguing me since. We have such an amazing relationship. We have the same values, he respects me, and I know I love him. The past few days have been extremely rough on me. I have felt completely disconnected and almost numb. I say almost because sometimes when we’re eating and I lose track for a minute, I feel happy. But then, my mind says that I’m just faking my emotions. Anyways, i was confessing to my boyfriend today about my current struggles and he asked me out loud “do you love me?” I said yes and then he asked “do you want to break up with me” because I had told him that was one of my thoughts. I said no, but ever since then I feel extremely guilty because I’m scared if it was a lie. I feel so guilty for not knowing whether or not I want to stay. I had an immense break-up urge because of this while we were having dinner to where all I could do was argue with myself on whether or not I “wanted” to be with him. I couldn’t stop from crying and it was kind of hard to breathe. Is this a common obsession for anyone? Is this ROCD? My newest therapist said that she does believe I am experiencing ROCD, but I’m scared it’s not, and it’s just me losing feelings and love for him. Is it common to obsess over if you want to break up or not? I think deep down I truly don’t because I know we have made an amazing relationship that doesn’t have any external bad things going on. In fact, I very very much wanted to marry him before all of this happened. It is just all in my head and in my feelings. Is this a common thing to obsess over?

Anonymous

Date posted: 16h

I don’t want to answer your question in a way that gives you reassurance because that is a compulsion. Al I can tell you is, I know exactly how you feel. Seek therapy and if I could give you an advice. Confessing is also a compulsion. That needs to stop. It took me a while to understand how I did compulsions and it was very similar to what you describe. You’re not alone. Seek help here. Spoiler alert, it is GREAT!

jossyy

Date posted: 16h

Hey, you and I are in the same boat here. I am struggling in almost the same exact way, and it’s heartbreaking. I think it’s very good to remind yourself that if you did not love him anymore, you would not care this much. It wouldn’t scare you this badly. I’m still trying to figure out how to handle those intrusive thoughts as well, but I totally feel you. I’ve struggled with OCD my whole life in different ways and stages, and have been with my boyfriend for over three years. I’ve been so deeply in love with him this whole time, but when my OCD started getting really bad and more complex about 8 months ago, it decided to start latching itself onto how I view my relationship as well and it’s been very hard. And it’s weird because it wasn’t a gradual progression of like “I’m starting to fall out of love with my boyfriend and I’m noticing these things” kind of situation, it was a situation where I randomly woke up one day terrified of whether or not he is the right one, and it was such an overwhelming feeling to the point where I was like falling apart on the floor, literally throwing up from fear and anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen in our relationship and not knowing what I really want. So I totally feel you on how it suddenly hits you in the face and you don’t know what to do with it.

jossyy

Date posted: 16h

@jossyy Also, it has been very helpful for my boyfriend and I to communicate regularly (to a healthy amount we both agree on because I know it can be hard on him) to help him understand what ROCD is, and so he can be aware that I’m struggling as hard as I am with it. Educating him on what this is will be one of the best things you can do, and maybe your therapist can help with that so that it does not overwhelm him. Also, maybe if it’s not too much and if it won’t trigger any rumination, you should write a love letter to him and attach an old picture if you guys together if you have one. That would be very sweet and would make him feel good and know that you still love him even though you are facing a new fear. Please don’t give up, keep communicating, and keep reminding yourself of why you are in this relationship. It’s so good to point out the positives when you are going through this

Darkgray

Date posted: 16h

@jossyy Absolutely, it feels like I’m just falling apart and there is no coming back. Do you also have the “want” obsession too. Like, “do I want to be or not to be with him?” I feel so incredibly guilty because when this first began a little less than a year ago, I immediately told myself I was sure that I wanted to be with him, and I could list all of the reasons why. But, now it’s like my brain has conditioned itself to immediately think the bad. Like when you said to write a letter and attach an old picture, immediately it felt like I didn’t want too. I don’t know if it’s because I know it will cause more stress for me, or if I don’t want to be loving to him (and that thought hurts). I don’t know if that makes sense. But, I’m glad I’ve found someone experiencing the same thing.

jossyy

Date posted: 16h

Oh and one more thing, sorry lol- your mind telling you that you are “faking” your loving emotions for your boyfriend, is 100% OCD. That is very common

Madz!;)

Date posted: 18w

ROCD or not.

Okay. This might be a little long. Basically I’m just wondering if this is really ROCD or if I officially lost feelings for my current boyfriend. BACKGROUND ABOUT ME: I assume this might help whoever reads this, and that may explain my situation. Long story short I have bad anxiety and OCD about intrusive thoughts. I figured out about my anxiety from a therapist after it started to get really bad when I was in middle school. However I figured out about my OCD this year. Before middle school I started to get anxiety from my dad. My parents divorced and he was an emotional abuser and very narcissistic. So since I was little I was always careful on what I did and said. And then another topic is that I had an ex bf who acted close to him. He was very insecure so he was controlling over me and was narcissistic and also emotionally abusive towards me. Always played the victim, etc. So he kind of traumatized me because we fought daily and just the way he treated me. My current bf is a green flag to me. We don’t fight, he is kind, understanding, funny. He checks all my boxes. Me and him were friends for about a year before we considered being together. 2 MONTHS AGO: this is when it started. It was a Sunday and me and him were going to an event at my school. It was for seniors because we were graduating the Sunday coming up. And we hung out the past 2 days and from what I remember things were like they were. Me and him were about to hit 8months the up coming Monday and I did understand that’s the time where the “honeymoon” phase becomes more.. I’ll say realistic? Anyway, we were close to leaving and something in my gut was off. Idk what it was. Idk if I was nervous for the event or something. But I just had a weird feeling. Again I have bad anxiety and OCD so I was scared about all the kids that were there. I don’t know. Anyway we left and when got to about 3 minutes away from our location my bf turns to me in the car and tells me how lucky he is to have me and how much he loves me. Then the thought “idk if I love you the same anymore” came in my head. And my gut feeling worsened. It was unnoticeable before but after he said that and I thought what I thought it got so much worse. Like it was sickening for me. I I love you back immediately but that thought.. I didn’t let it go. I couldn’t enjoy the night at all. I tried to act like everything was fine but inside I was suffering. Later that night he took me home. And I couldn’t get rid of that thought in my head. We FaceTimed a bit later like we did almost every night but I couldn’t be on the phone. Every time I looked at him I felt guilty and that thought kept coming back that I lost my love for him. So about 5-10 mins later I told him I was tired, said our goodnights and hung up. I cried. I didn’t like what I was feeling and I didn’t know what it meant. It was hard to fall asleep but once I did I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the thought about my bf. I got up to splash water in my face to cool me off because I was sweating. I got ready for school and I was crying I was confused, worried, I didn’t even know. I cried to my mom later and she didn’t know what to say or do. I cried all day at school and my gut feeling was horrible. I’ve never had it as bad as I did the first few days after this started. PRESENT(2months later): I already typed a lot so I don’t want to make entire book. But now, it’s like the gut feeling is there but tolerable. I still get the thoughts and the gut feeling does worsen a bit when my bf texts me and I see his face in photos and such. Or even think about him. My main concern is that we are supposed to go on a trip together next month and before this happened I was so excited to go with him. And now it’s like “what if I’m not better” “I don’t love him anymore to go with him.” Idk what to do. It’s like a chore for everything, when I text him, hanging out, calling him. Everything. Idk why to do. Idk if it’s because I was reck for the event or because of graduation and needed a reason for my nervousness? Idk. He didn’t do anything, he hasn’t done a single thing but be there for me. As much as I’ve been there for him. I don’t want to lose him. There is more to this story so if you want to ask go for it. I know this is hella long so. But I just want the help. Please let me know!!

Relationship OCD

jazzyworldma...

Date posted: 14w

Am i forming ROCD with my Boyfriend of 3 years ??

This will be my first time venting about this but I have been feeling super anxious towards my boyfriend lately. I’ve just truly discovered the world of OCD and all of the subtypes. I love my boyfriend of 3 years. He’s my person and i know I can see a life with him. Although, i’m suddenly feeling really anxious when i’m around him or even the thought of him. I’m constantly questioning everything about him and our relationship. I have to constantly reassure myself to stay that i love him or that he’s attractive to me and etc! I even have thoughts that maybe he’s not for me when that absolutely kills me. This fear has had be in a choke hold for a couple of days. It’s been especially tough since we just got back from a mini vacation. Idk if i’m nervous about us potentially moving in one day together. I’m trying to tell myself that i’m overthinking bad and i have all these fears because he is my first boyfriend— my first EVERYTHING! Please tell me i’m not the only one that feels this way. I just want to go back to the 1st year where I was obsessed and loved him unconditionally. (which i know i still do know, I just have this annoying thing going on)

Darkgray

Date posted: 13w

What is this?

So, I have not been diagnosed with OCD, but I feel that I have it. My therapist told me that she doesn’t believe I have it because I have no physical compulsions, but I feel like I do have mental compulsions. Let me explain: For the past 8 months I have been experiencing relationship anxiety (maybe ROCD). I have obsessed over “Do I actually love my partner?” “Am I attracted to him?” “Will I cheat?” “Is God telling me to leave?” I have been with my partner for over 3 years and he is absolutely amazing. He is sweet, caring, loving and our values aline. My dream, before all of this, was to marry him and I think I still have that dream deep down. My current obsessions are whether or not I “want” to be in this relationship. I don’t know why I am questioning being with someone so great and it is making me feel so guilty. No matter how many times I tell myself that I DO want to be with him, I can never believe myself. It is like I can no longer trust myself. My other obsession is “is it anxiety or intuition?” I had a thought the other day that said “break up with him” and I didn’t react to it. That sent me down a spiral and now I am scared that it was my intuition. I don’t want to claim that I have ROCD (even if I strongly think I do), but I would like some help with this.

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Is this a common obsession?

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