i feel lost

does anyone else experience this… "lost" or "empty" feeling after decreasing of anxiety and fear? the last 3 months i’ve been struggling with pocd + harm ocd + existential ocd and i felt terrible but those feelings and thoughts fuelled my productivity (because of the fear of this hell to never end) and so i practiced meditation, studied a lot (to distract myself i guess), and always have been busy with something. and now, around a week ago, the thoughts got quieter and anxiety feels much less severe. and i know that i have to feel relieved but instead i feel… empty. these thoughts were all i had been thinking about these 3 months and now i feel very weird because i don’t know what to do now. it feels like l have built my entire personality around ocd and now, as it faded away, i feel almost nothing. i feel so very unproductive (and therefore guilty) and without any purpose in life. i’ve spent these 3 months fighting but now it seems pointless and exaggerated (like as i made it all up). so yeah. it may sound very confusing as english is not my first language but i hope you understood my point

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I have been experiencing something similar. I've had an extremely busy year and I couldn't wait to go on holiday. Now that I am here my existential thoughts take over. It's almost like I need to work my butt off to stay distracted but then I get burn out. But I can't rest because then my mind wanders and burns out. I think a lot of it is your brain perhaps only processing what you've been through because it has the proper space and time now. I believe it will pass. ♥️

Tanya.L

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous thank you for your answer♥️

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Yes absolutely! It's also so valid to mourn the time you've lost to ocd, and the person you were before. You'll find yourself again and I'm so excited for you, but for now that's going to feel so hard. You'll find purpose and you'll find you, but give yourself peace and space to do so, you've been through something super traumatic! So proud of you❤ (your english is perfect I'd never have guessed it wasn't your first language!)

Tanya.L

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous thank you♥️ but you know one of the episodes felt so real i can’t comprehend whether it was ocd in the first place (because i had intrusive urges). i’m trying to not engage into fights while i’m not feeling severe anxiety but this feeling of hopelessness is just… overwhelming. and you’re right about grieving the lost time that ocd took from us but i feel like i just exaggerated everything in the past (the thoughts and feelings) and therefore i feel like a fraud. but i’m trying to remind myself that that terror that i experienced was real and i didn’t pretend and my feelings are valid. you’re so kind♥️ thank you for your reply, i appreciate it♥️ (and btw thank you for telling that my english is good! i was worried a bit about it but now i feel calmer^_^)

Anonymous

Date posted: 23h

@Tanya.L I'm sure that episode was ocd, or maybe it wasn't; as annoying and frustrating as it is we can't know, but it says nothing about who you are as a person either way. In no way are you a fraud because what you felt at the time were so strong and real that you lost yourself in it! It's something to be proud of that you made your way out of it. and if it helps, I've been in the trenches of intrusive urges too, you're not alone in that❤

Tanya.L

Date posted: 23h

@Anonymous thank you♥️ you’re such a kind soul

flowerpetals

Date posted: 25w

word vomit

i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing

please44I

Date posted: 24w

Pocd

Why am I not anxious? Like at all anymore? Is it because I'm really avoiding and trying not to think of the consequences that come from possibly being a pdfile? Is the only thing that is worrying me about it is the consequences then does it mean that I really am one? But I never masturbated to the thought of a child and actively seeked it. It came as intrusive thoughts while I was doing it yes I've had them when I see kids yes and I question and check a lot if I'm attracted to them and its just confusing me, I know I'll never do anything to hurt a child and I don't even like the idea of becoming a pdfile then why am I not anxious enough about it? The thoughts are just distressing obsessive I feel disgusting and Id say I still do compulsions but I don't know something just doesn't feel right. I don't feel anything and no real attraction to anyone or anything anymore. I just feel so disgusting and I just want to be normal but then again I pretty much did this to myself. It's weird to me I know there isn't a real indication I'm a pdfile and past experiences pretty much prove that and I've always been attracted to older guys so why is this happening now? Why am I getting these thoughts now especially right after I was trying to fix this sexual obsession/tension I had for older guys. Is my brain just leaving one thing to love and be obsessed about and going to the other? I'm really really just confused. Not anxious just distressed confused and uncomfortable. Like I want to throw up but I don't feel intense anxiety in my chest it feels like maybe I haven't processed what's going on properly. I'm genuinely so confused and I don't want to have this stay in my mind. Sometimes I just miss my ex so much because at the time I've felt something I felt so much things even though I had really bad rocd. I just miss loving people again and being alive again. I'm so scared and confused right now can anyone explain to me what is this? I genuinely just want to understand what I'm feeling or thinking because its not making sense to me

Searching

Date posted: 14w

Hi.

I've recently found a way of dealing with my intrusive thoughts and compulsions, but now that I don't get anxious about the thoughts I feel oddly empty, like I keep wondering whats going on, why is this not hitting me like it used to. What do I do with myself now? I don't miss the way these thoughts had a choke hold on me, but I feel like I need to fill my life with something better, but i just don't know what. Has anyone else had this happen?

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