How to stop monitoring everything I do/ dont feel?

I’ve recently hit a very big milestone with my boyfriend. The problem is my fear happened again, I didn’t enjoy it, and couldn’t feel anything because I’m always subconsciously monitoring everything I feel/don’t feel. TMI but It’s really REALLY hard for me to get turned on and the last time I was FULLY in the mood was a couple years ago when I met up with my ex. But after that It’s never happened again. Extra TMI but I can’t even get aroused to things I used to be aroused by before this theme bc I feel like I’m watching for my reaction. But when it’s things I don’t want to feel any arousal towards I get aroused. Moving on, when I first noticed I had a crush on my current boyfriend 4 months ago, my mind was clear and I wasn’t really checking as much. But, when I noticed my feelings and attraction for him my body went into a “scanning” mode and I felt myself going numb. I would start to check if I found him attractive every time I saw him, if I still felt the same way the day I realized I thought he was cute, or if I was still excited about calling him. There’s times where him and I kiss and I’m fully present and enjoy it. But when I notice I start to focus on it again and I start to feel nothing. The best way I can describe it is there is a mini me in the back of my head watching everything I feel. Everything I think, feel, and dont feel is always being “watched” and I don’t know how to stop it. I miss being fully present when I’m with him because I finally felt the things that have been “shut off” ever since this theme started when I was 15. The more I subconsciously monitor the less I feel for him and I hate it.Im trying really hard not to ruminate on my lack of strong feelings, attraction, and libido when I come back from dates with him now. It really sucks because in the beginning of the relationship I was so happy about finally feeling attraction and emotions again. This is so annoying and I really hope someone can relate 😭. I need tips please.

kk1010

Date posted: 21h

I want to remind you that those feelings fade in every relationship after the honey moon phase is over.. The attraction is there or you wouldn't have dated him ... However the bigger question is is he doing things that are unattractive.. his appearance hasn't changed . Worry less about him being attractive and dress and feel attractive yourself.. focus that energy to you.. The more confident you feel the easier it will be

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

OCD loves attention, even if its negative. If you suddenly become aware that you’re not in the present moment, don’t tell your drifting thoughts to go away, and don’t try forcing yourself to enjoy the moment. Try to use your NERs: "I notice I’m feeling disconnected. I notice that feeling is frustrating me. I notice I am worrying that my feelings for him are ingenuine. I notice that feeling is making me sad. I don’t have to work through those right now, maybe another time." If you can only be present for a moment before you get lost again, thats okay. Keep observing. The OCD is not making you feel disconnected, I promise you that everybody feels that way somtimes. The OCD is where you tell that voice to go away instead of letting yourself be a real 3 dimensional person. You can enjoy yourself, and you can be a little person in the back of your head watching, and you can think about your homework and you can wish you felt more present, and and and… It took me a long time to be in the present moment while being physical with another person, because there is so much messaging about how its supposed to feel. Culturally, its made out to be some huge deal. Try observing your emotions in other parts of your life where you feel less pressure. Do you get spacey while driving? While in department stores? While doing dishes? Practice noticing your feelings without judgement. This is the point of exposures: Not stop feeling bad, but to be okay with feeling bad. You can’t eradicated OCD. I think of it like losing a friend. You might never get over that grief, but slowly it gets easier to live with the feeling. You might be anxious your whole life, but being anxious gets easier, and you *can* learn how to keep living with it.

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