- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I also struggle with obsessions over past decisions and actions and even accidents I caused, even though the accidents are just: wrong place wrong time things.. I also don’t know which memories are real anymore..
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm sorry you're going through this :( but you're surviving/dealing with this and that is impressive. Sending you a big hug pal. What techniques have you used to cope?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Daffodil Thank you, hugs for you to. In terms of coping, I have not found anythings yet. I cannot forgive myself for many things. My OCD started about three months ago, but I’ve had symptoms for a long time. I still have toget diagnosed officially (waiting list), but my psych thinks it is and so do I. It explains the symptoms I had since I was younger, but they were only minor. It was until the breakdown, the OCD got really bad. Ever since then I keep thinking about the pas and many regrets. I have always felt guilty rather fast and felt responsible for bad things that happend around me. What does kind of help is writing things down or saying my thoughts out loud
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm currently in the midst of this real event OCD. I done something's in my past that I'm really not proud of but I can't change the fact I did. Only thing now we can do is treat it like a regular OCD thought and understand the level of guilt we feel, even if what we done was wrong, isn't an appropriate level.
- Date posted
- 5y
I would say you should not look at your study abroad experience as a huge failure but as a huge learning opportunity. You showed great courage in getting out of your familiar environment and trying something new. This is very hard with OCD. As people with OCD, we have to be ultra careful that our hierarchy of needs is met- safety, housing, food, clothing, then social and emotional needs then lastly career/educational. You uproot your whole life to go study abroad so it is easy to see how the foundation of your stability was disrupted
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you! I just cant stop being angry at myself x
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey thanks for the advice! I'm so sorry about the breakdown, but its great you're seeing a psych and you're using this app! Things will get better, even if it doesn't feel like it. I'll try what helps you to see if that works for me too. Theres lots of links between hyper responsibility and fear of guilt within OCD, I'm not sure if that helps but sometimes it helps me to know the way I'm feeling is more or less a hallmark of my disorder . It sometimes allows me to get a bit of space. ?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
- Date posted
- 22w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 19w
im going to be vague here, but basically i did something in the past that i regret and it became a huge point of my OCD but i have talked to my therapist and i have mostly moved past it. i watched a video by an OCD youtuber that really put it into perspective. anyway, i have been with minimal worry for a few days, but now im having worries related to i think false memory? basically it’s like “oh but what if i said/ did this and just forgot that means i harmed this person im a bad person”. to me it sounds like textbook OCD but im just wondering if anyone else has experienced false memory / real event at the same time. i have a really horrible memory which is making it even more stressful. any responses are appreciated!
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