Can I talk to smb please

I don't know if this is OCD or denial and this has been going on since July and I hate my brain for keeping thinking Abt it

I feel like My brain is telling me I'm gay or bi and it's a struggle because for all my life I've liked girls and never once questioned myself Abt my sexuality and I js want it to stop I keep trying to tell myself in my head that I like girls and I'm straight but it seems like I fail to do that every time now it got so worse I'm picturing homosexual imaginary in my head which I js want to stop I miss my old life, I miss how I used to like every single girl I meet I want it to go away but when I try the maybe I do maybe I don't method it seems to not work I always keep testing myself to watch female porn to see if I get erections anymore which I do thankfully. I had asked my bi friend Abt all what I'm feeling with to see if I'm in denial or not and he'll be like it don't seem like your in denial and js something mental cs I would've been sure of my sexuality in like middle school or earlieri did a lot of research to see how I felt and now I js feel like I can't figure out what does it sound like pls answer

@Anonymous So what if you are gay? Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. Come to love yourself unconditionally, because you ARE WORTHY of unconditional love, no matter straight, gay, bi, trans, or any other sexuality. Once you can sit with that, your anxiety will be SO much easier to sit with

@plvto But all my life I've known I was straight male having huge crushes on girls writing poetry for this one girl and falling in love with her countless of times and my sister thinks it all started because my dad and brother kept calling me gay cs I looked so much like my mom and I js miss my life before my mind keeps constantly thinking Abt it and I js wanna go back to how I was

@plvto Idk if it sounds like I'm in denial or not but when I really think Abt it I don't want to see any male parts dudes used to ask me out and I would tell them "sorry I'm not interested"because I never saw males that way my whole entire life and Im constantly being called gay cs the way I walk which I never pay attention to how I walk or because I look sm like a girl with js male features but I just want this to stop I've thought about taking my life before"because all these people would finally leave me alone" and I heard they say so OCD makes it feel like your in denial but I wish my brain can just give me a break

@Anonymous Again, so what if you've always liked girls? Maybe you are still straight, or maybe you just woke up gay one day? I know you just want to go back, but the ONLY way is RADICAL SELF ACCEPTANCE.

@plvto I still get erections to women and some days are better then the other where my mind knows I'm straight and I would like this girl I've been liking for 3 yrs now but some days gets worse and worse and I'll take sleeping pills because the only time my mind don't drive me crazy is when I just wake up sometimes