OCD made me physically ill

Hi there- so 2025 was not fun for me. I spent the entire year feeling like I was fighting for my life everyday. It was one thing after another. I looked back on my photos from 2025 on New Year’s Eve and noticed this was the year I took the least amount of photos and in nearly every photo- I wasn’t genuinely happy. I was unhappy but still functioning from January- September but I felt absolutely tortured by my OCD from October- now. It is getting a little better. I’ve had some good days, whereas October- December was pretty much all bad days. It was so extreme and I was fighting myself so hard that I was unable to eat, I had a constant lump in my throat and when I did try to eat I would just gag so I wouldn’t eat, I lost a lot of weight, I had bad tummy troubles nearly everyday- the crippling anxiety it gave me was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I had to quit my job in October because I would have a panic attack whenever I would go to work, I would be dry heaving in the bathroom and have to leave work early or I just wouldn’t be able to go in. I am starting a new job on Monday. I was on the upswing during the holidays and actually starting to eat again and I am now too still which is good. But this week I think the idea of going back to work and starting another big change and transition will trigger it again and I just can’t do that again. This week I’ve felt very low and been crying a lot and in my head about anything and everything on my mind. I just want to get better and to be truly happy, I know not everyday will be sunshine and rainbows but I’d like most of my days to feel neutral and feel content not in constant panic. I am on 3 different anxiety meds which I think has helped some but not entirely. But it feels excessive. I have started therapy on a different app but she isn’t an expert on OCD so I am hoping to find someone on here eventually. Has anyone else gone through such a rough patch with OCD that it has made you physically ill and lasted a ridiculous amount of time? It was hard because I know my values and things that are important to me but my brain attacks those things and I’ve been very distressed, and the fact it has lasted as long as it has made me question- what if it isn’t actually OCD? What if something is wrong? What if people don’t take me seriously and think I’m lying? Etc. I just really want support and want to know I’m not alone and not going crazy and that things will get better. 🫩