Writing things down is helping alot with recovery

I’ve always enjoyed writing but before getting medicated for OCD, I found it incredibly difficult. Today in talk therapy I shared a tool kit I made after an interesting session in CBT group therapy, where we talked about reframing our thinking. **CBT obviously does not cure OCD**, (I am starting ERP soon), but since I am getting to that stage where the distance between me and my thoughts feels significant enough and ruminations are starting to feel more intentional and forced (so I can control when to stop them) rather than fulfilling, anxiety inducing, or compulsive. I am surprisingly finding a lot of solace in just writing things down and putting my ideas, thoughts, and values on paper. When prior, my ruminations were so severe it seared my creativity and drive to write. It feels like a step towards healing. Creating a toolkit questionnaire for the feeling of helplessness my thoughts gave me was particularly good. I had this realization that if things like CBT exist, or ERP, and I-CBT then it’s external proof for me that indeed, my thought patterns are negative, untrue, unnecessary, and they do need deconstruction. And there are people out there who are educated and trained to help with that deconstruction process. And it’s starting to get better. Example: **For existential OCD, journaling about how my day went helps me to put in retrospect how I am living a normal human life like everyone else. That existential thoughts with delusional themes were mere irrealities that my imagination created, that my brain tried assigning importance to due to the chemical imbalance, and thus, it felt real. But what’s real was always what was in front of me. My hobbies, my goals, my creativity was being used against me.** And now that I am “getting out of OCD” and into a peaceful more state of mind, I am appreciating these small things. A question that helped me out a lot in my tool kit was **“Do I want to heal from this thought or do I want to dwell on it?”** Another one was; **“how has my relationship to this thought changed since starting my medication?”** Another one was; **“Does this thought help me become a productive member of society?”** And the goal is for me to answer honestly, face it head on, instead of simulating a forced rumination on it. And after reflecting on my responses (and these are just 3 out of 12 of the questions mind you) I am supposed to let it go. And allow myself to enjoy the peace that I am allowed to have. **I am aware that everyone’s journey with OCD is different. I am aware that my method is not for everyone,** but maybe just one person out there who also loves writing, but lost it to OCD can benefit from knowing there is hope to gain that back in a productive and healing way. **I am at a stage where doing this does not give me ruminations so keep that in mind. I don’t even feel a compulsion to do this. It feels like a natural want that brings me joy and peace!** So if you are at that stage too. And you want to pick up journaling or try out reflections to externalize the OCD and take away some of its power that it’s allowed to have when it only stays in your mind, definitely try this out. For me, it’s also helping by way of giving me something to look forward to. **I am now able to view OCD as a glitch in my mind that’s not supposed to be there. An illness and a rotten piece of trash that needs to be dealt with rather than a source of truth that needs to be taken seriously.** And journaling, writing, and my toolkit has been greatly helpful with that. I am sharing this update to give you guys hope. It can get better and it will. I know OCD will probably try to tell you; “oh but it’s different for you, this won’t work for you because her thoughts were untrue but YOURS aren’t.” Oh I’ve been there!! OCD told me the same thing. I got to a point where I had an intrusive thought about how one of my other intrusive thoughts were “hidden knowledge that only I knew” (not true btw, there’s no such thing, even in a religious context a thought like that wouldn’t be a legit thing you can trust) **it was all part or the illness and for you too it’s ALL part of the illness.** But until you get to the point I’m at where the medication is working and the thoughts feel more distant, stay strong. I had a tough fight to get here. And I hope your journey has a beautiful resolution.