I am freaking out

I was on FaceTime with this girl I like and we were screen sharing and looking at old Snapchat memories, an she has a younger sister and I panicked snd think I had a groin response so then afterward, I wanted her to share her screen again and I wanted to have control of the FaceTime so I could recheck the same photo to make sure I didn’t have the groin response and I made it worse because I saw more triggering content and I saw pictures of her younger sister without a shirt in my OCD saying that what if I liked seeing that. it was triggering to look at, and I kept scrolling back at same photo as a, checking and I kept getting so much anxiety in my chest feels heavy. I feel like a bad person and I had plans to see her this week, but I feel like I can’t and don’t deserve

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I think it’s ok to pause and say it’s not that you don’t deserve too. No one is saying you don’t deserve too. Your mind may be telling you that but you don’t have to agree. And you are not a bad person. I don’t believe you are and I don’t think she thinks you are

ItsBran

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Also, I kind of wanna tell her what’s going on about POCD is that a bad idea?

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Give yourself some grace because it happened and you can’t change what happened.

ItsBran

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Thank you for that, but my mind is playing nasty tricks and it’s so believable in the moment like I took a shower because I felt disgusted. Then after my shower, I got a groin response near my testicles and it’s saying what if I somehow busted or ejaculated even though I didn’t

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I think if you feel safe with her and trust her then you can tell her about it. But again don’t force yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable or it’s not something you want to say don’t feel like you have to. And you are totally valid on that in the moment feeling it’s like everything is telling you to believe it and get you to engage with those thoughts. That must be really hard and I’m sorry that you have to go through that. But I also really applaud you for taking some control back and reaching out. What your brain tells you is not who you are, it’s not your identity. So I really do think it’s amazing that you reach out because it also says, he this thought doesn’t get to determine everything.

ItsBran

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous I love that response thank you so much. It’s very difficult and overbearing because my mind is my worst enemy. I deal with a lot of taboo, intrusive thoughts and yes, she doesn’t think I’m a bad person, but I can’t help but believe that I might be that person

ItsBran

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Also, after all of that episode, I woke up with a wet d r e a m and it caused me discomfort because what are the odds of it happening

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Also I’m sorry you woke up with discomfort. I know that is probably not the outcome you wanted to happen but it’s ok. Things happen that are out of our control and it doesn’t mean anything about you. It doesn’t hold meaning about choices you make. It’s simply information right. Cause and effect of yah this whole episode prior happened so the odds of that happening might be a higher chance. But then it’s just something to note. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It’s simply that the sequence of events that led to that moment maybe put you in that predicament and I’m sorry it did. But know that it’s ok. Give yourself some compassion cause it’s not your fault, trust that no one is going to put it on you.

ItsBran

Date posted: Yesterday

Ughhhh any help

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