Sexual orientation OCD showing up and going away

Hi guys! I was doing so much better I feel like to the point where I thought the ocd completely went away and then my anxiety came back a bit and then I got my first period coming off birth control which REALLY messed my head up. I am someone whose always felt a little rigid in sexuality (I believe sexuality is a spectrum for most people and not uncommon in women it’s ok if you disagree) but I’m someone who developed a fear over the fact that I can sometimes have attraction to women or think they’re hot or whatever. For me it’s always just been sexual and I’ve never done anything in real life, I don’t love labels but I’d say I’m bi-curious maybe bisexual maybe just somewhere on the spectrum or straight i don’t know and I don’t care! I started having a fear that because I can get aroused by women sometimes it cancels out all my feelings or sexual,romantic or any feelings I’ve had for men my entire life. I was even trying to think about how I started liking these men, and I was like does it really matter how you started or just the fact that you did like these men, it doesn’t matter how it started or how you met. I just struggle with intrusive thoughts sometimes of “you’re lying to yourself” when deep down I know I’m not, I’ve always been aware my arousal can be flexible, which is not uncommon and if you’re also going through something similar just know that it’s truly not uncommon and normal in human sexuality. I guess sometimes I just need to remind myself things can coexist? I don’t have bi-phobia, I definitely did earlier in life when I realized I sometimes have attraction to women physically. I became perfectly ok with myself feeling rigid and then a fear came on that I was lying to myself completely, when in reality things can coexist and u can experience different forms of arousal and it doesn’t have to change how you identify. You could call me bi, bi-curious, straight mostly, or even heteroflexible, and I’m fine with all of those. I had a fear that since I find women attractive from time to time or whatever, it cancels out my feelings for men, which is NOT true! I guess this isn’t really asking for advice, just sharing my thoughts and story. Maybe this will help someone else out. It helped me even just to type it, because sometimes my ocd makes me feel crazy! I wish you all well

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

Hey just wanted to say that I too stopped birth control recently (after 14 years) and it’s been an ups and downs. Just wanted to say you got some solidarity here! ✊

designer_girl✨

Date posted: 14h

OCD sucks when it tries to make blanket statements like “you’re not attracted to men!” It’s such a lie. I’m sorry it spiked for you like that. I feel like it would be so meta if you said okay yes I’m lying, and then ocd says but wait are you sure you’re lying what if you’re not lying. It’s never-ending…and I feel you on the not orgasming / it is HARD! men for me haven’t always been kind or trustworthy

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

@designer_girl✨ I don’t wish anxiety or ocd on anyone at all but it is so helpful to know I’m not the only person who feels this way. As I’ve joined NOCD it’s made me realize I’m not alone in any of my ocd triggers or thoughts.

designer_girl✨

Date posted: 14h

Same. OCD and anxiety are so painful to experience! But you are not alone 🫶🏾

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

@designer_girl✨ I’m also someone like I said, who doesn’t really care if their sexuality is rigid I’ve always been aware of that, I just know that for me sometimes it’s attractive fantasy wise to think of women, or to occasionally feel bi curious. No matter what my label may be, I will not allow my ocd to attack my desire and feelings towards men especially since those were there first.

designer_girl✨

Date posted: 13h

Anxiety always tries to trick your brain. It’s so annoying!! I’ve tried to use logic with it but that doesn’t always work, so I’ve learned the less I argue with it the better :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

Mind you I don’t even know if I’m bi or not, I think trying to force a label almost gives me more anxiety. I just know I’ve been curious about women physically before or turned on by it, but I’ve never had feelings for a women. Sexuality is for sure rigid lol and it gives me anxiety because ocd hates uncertainty and anything that is not definite.

TonyL76

Date posted: 16h

Your post really resonated with me. I have at times felt the same. male instead of female.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16h

@TonyL76 I’m glad this resonated with you, it makes me feel better as well knowing I’m not the only one. Just remember sexuality can be rigid and it doesn’t necessarily change your core orientation, and you don’t have to identify as anything at all if you don’t want to! This day and age, we are realizing how flexible sexuality can be and how a lot of people are on the spectrum of sexuality! It’s totally normal

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

I, too can relate. I actually confessed to my wife that I was having these repetitive thoughts and that’s what ultimately led me to discover I have OCD in the first place.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16h

@Anonymous You’re not alone! Just from working on my ocd is realized this is quite a common form of ocd, as it attacks your identity. Remember nothing has changed about you other than your fear.

designer_girl✨

Date posted: 15h

I resonate with this post!! Thank you for sharing :) I know with my sexuality I feel attracted to women. The closest label I can get is bi. I heard Jon Grayson do a talk before and his explanation was very fluid. It’s really helped me to be more fluid with my sexuality :) happy Friday y’all

Anonymous

Date posted: 15h

@designer_girl✨ Yes I would say I have fluid attraction with women and I have strict attraction with men, I just need to remind myself having attraction at points in my life doesn’t cancel or equal not liking men! That’s the part that gave me ocd, I scared myself saying I was lying to myself, which has never occurred in brain before until a random trigger came up and I realized I’ve never orgasmed during sex, which is normal for many women, especially when u have anxiety on top of it and are intimate with men u don’t fully trust.

designer_girl✨

Date posted: 13h

Exactly!! OCD needs to leave the group chat, lol! it doesn’t get to run your life!

Anonymous

Date posted: 13h

@designer_girl✨ Exactly that, it’s like “oh this doesn’t scare you anymore, let me create a new fear” in general not just with this form of anxiety it’s helpful to remind yourself when you’re calm and relaxed and can think straight - that’s your actual brain talking. Anxiety tries to trick your brain.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond