My Experience

Hello. I’m new to this and I just wanted to share my experience to see if anyone can relate, to help anyone going through the same thing, or even some advice or just to feel community I suppose. I’ve never been officially diagnosed mainly because I haven’t realized everything until recently over the past year or so. When I was younger, I struggled a lot with anxiety about horrible things happening to me or people I loved, so much to the point where I was terrified to do anything or go outside. Another was huge health anxiety where I would convince myself that I basically had some kind of disease anytime anything felt SLIGHTLY off. Something I’ve done as I’ve gotten older is be VERY particular about specifically my hygiene. I’m kinda contradictory where I’m definitely not the neatest person and horrible at organizing and definitely not a germ aphobe, yet for some reason when it comes to my hygiene like showering, deodorant, or even cleaning my teeth specifically before going to the dentist, I have to do it until it feels clean. I developed scabs under my arms and different places because of how much I feel like I have to go over it. I take an unreasonably long time in the shower and when I get out I have a whole other process for cleaning my electronics which I’m not even going to get into. And if I feel like I messed up or missed a step, I get incredibly stressed and anxious and I have to go back and redo certain things until it’s right again. But more so, I’ve noticed something I’ve always done and has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I will pick something on or in my body that doesn’t feel right to me and basically hyper focus on it or try to “fix” it until it feels right. I used to do this a bit as a child but over the years it’s just been getting worse. For example, the past year it’s been stuff like pushing the side of my nose down until it “feels right” which caused scabs. And countless other things. And if someone interrupts me or something during it, I get IRRATIONALLY angry and frustrated and I don’t want to be but idk. This can take up HOURS of my day and it interferes with my sleep, my homework, my work, and even just enjoying time with myself and with others. It feels debilitating. I talked to my family about this and they suggested therapy but I’ve been to it before for my ADHD and I didn’t have the best experience and don’t know if that’s for me. All in all, I just want to share this because I know I’ve felt alone in this and I hope I can help someone who deals with these feel a little less alone, and if anyone has anything to share I’d love to hear :)