How can I tell my wife it’s because of POCD?

New dad to such a happy healthy beautiful 6mo old baby. Yet I struggle. I rush through diaper changes, causing my child distress and discomfort. At night I first have to put on a layer of clothes before changing my child because “what if”. I struggle with comforting my child when they cry, because “what if” my body responds? Oxytocin is a hell of a drug, and you can’t really control bodily responses. So I just end up avoiding doing things that may trigger a groinal response. This includes comforting my crying child at 3am, and my wife thinks I’m a monster for just rushing the diaper change and feeding, rather than picking them up, swaying and shushing and soothing my child - which I so desperately want to but can’t bc “what if”. Not to mention it takes me an extra minute to put on boxers and a shirt before changing them. So naturally bc it’s taking forever and our child is screaming, my wife gets pissed and swoops in to do the job at 3am, then I get pissed bc it reinforces the spiral but I can’t tell her bc of shame and I don’t want her to think it’s not POCD and instead I’m actually one Living in hell at the moment, need some perspective that it gets better.

maddoxb

Date posted: 17h

First thing you dont really have to tell your wife second try take ur time in diaper changes and show more love and affection this would be an exposure.

borori

Date posted: 16h

@maddoxb 🫡

borori

Date posted: 16h

@maddoxb My default tho is to never confide or confess, almost to the point of avoidance. My wife now thinks I’m just being difficult or stubborn or an asshole, when in reality I’m suffering quite a bit. Telling her would look like saying “this avoidance with diaper changes or comforting isn’t because I’m mad or upset, the avoidance is a facet of my ocd and I’m working on it” No content. No details. No confession. Just letting her know enough that she gets some clarity.

maddoxb

Date posted: 15h

I hear you maybe just say you have ocd dont say let her now about groina responses or that its pocd

Anonymous

Date posted: 7h

That may be very difficult. And I'm sorry you're facing this... I have similar themes now, I didn't have this before but I learned about it and now it just flares up randomly. This really is something that takes time. You feel the panic, urge and hurry to get your clothes on because you are absolutely against the idea of ever hurting a child. Yet OCD is one heck of a liar and instead of you feeling settled in who you are, it'll scream so loud at you and spike so much anxiety because "OMG OMG WHAT IF WHAT IF, WE CANT LET THAT HAPPEN" and there goes the panic. And you only feel this way because this is 100% against the core of who you are. I want you to know you're not alone. And try to image these thoughts as clouds... they're passing by. The sky is always the same. The sky never changes. But the clouds come and go. Some are grumpy, some are barely noticeable. Just acknowledge that "Yep, that's an OCD trigger. I have nothing to resolve right now." and just keep doing what you were doing. It'll be hard, your whole mind and body will want to scream at you, but it's these little wins that eventually loosen OCD's grip. I want you to know that you're not alone. I also shrivel up at these thoughts. I am married as well, no kids, but I struggle when my friends are changing their kids diapers or whatever it may be. The thoughts are so intrusive and learning to label it and let it go is a journey, but it's possible.

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