vent and guilt

sometimes i’ll read/listen to older adults speak about having OCD for 20, 30, 40, 50, 60+ years and i feel a sense of dread wash over me. i feel bad because they’ve been suffering for so long, but i feel bad because i know i could suffer for that long too, and then i feel even worse because why would i compare two separate circumstances when someone is being so vulnerable?!?!?! i feel like im going crazy because i can’t stop assuming people’s emotions/experiences before my mind overtakes me and i start thinking about all the ways i can one-up people or make my experiences seem worse than theirs. i worry that this mentality is what’s going to make me have OCD for so long and ill become like them, and sometimes im unable to realize that we’re our own people and i cannot “become” another person or try to emulate/copy them because everyone’s OCDs experiences are unique and deserve to be valued regardless of how long or “severe” OCD might be. does this even make sense??? idk, i just know i need to work on my competitiveness before i lose everyone and everything.

AnonymousOCD...

Date posted: 19h

I think comparison makes so much sense. Especially when OCD wants us stuck in the future or the past rather than the present. I try to remember that OCD is a lifelong illness but that also that there are people with OCD absolutely thriving, so it is possible.

soyun

Date posted: 18h

@AnonymousOCDSufferer its definitely something people can get over, but its hard to get the motivation to get over it..

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

Isn't it silly that I can look at your situation and feel a lot of complicated things. Like what would have happened if I had been diagnosed young? That I feel like I lost the competition and wasted decades of my life trying to solve myself and live in fear that I was destroying my kids and everything I met and everyone I did just by being alive, but smiling and pretending that I was ok because I was just too dramatic? I find I do a lot of comparison when I am afraid I am bad or wrong and that's part of me looping and trying to figure out my doubts about not being right or good. Be patient with yourself. Treatment is really hard and scary. Feeling it is the absolute worst.

soyun

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous i agree, years of my life have been wasted on OCD. we’ll get over it eventually 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽

Ben84

Date posted: 19h

I've had it for at least 25 years if not longer. Yes. What you're saying makes perfect sense. Someone without OCD might not undestand what you just wrote, but I do and I'm guessing a lot of others would too.

Matt O

Date posted: 19h

OCD thrives on the past and future. These what-ifs can be harmful and a form of Meta OCD. Try sitting with the uncertainty of not knowing what your future could look like.

soyun

Date posted: 19h

@Matt O that’s really scary and i don’t even know if i have the energy to fight this

Matt O

Date posted: 19h

@soyun I know the feeling of being overwhelmed all too well. My recommendation is try one day at a time, work through ERP, and celebrate the little wins over each day. There’s no sugarcoating that this condition sucks, but it will get better! Recovery is not linear and the more you accept that, the easier managing symptoms can be

soyun

Date posted: 19h

@Matt O thank you for the advice ✨

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