Can ROCD hijack/distort your clarity??

So i need some help, i havent been diagnosed with ocd but i heavily resonate with OCD symptoms and have had symptoms for 10 years now and ROCD is a theme i seem to be dealing with for a couple of months. Can it be that your ROCD thoughts get to the point where you feel like your clarity is being hijacked by OCD and deep deep down you know that you have had better days and that this isn’t what you truly want but its making you think and feel like it is what you want/need like e.g I’ve been having a lot of thoughts like ‘you don’t want to be with him’ when this started again i tried to put what i learnt to practise to let it be there but i started to lean into reassuring myself that i do want to be with him, leading into a bothered feeling with the thoughts in the back of your head. To then feeling and thoughts like you will be better and happier if you weren’t with them. This is the first time in a while that i have felt really out of touch with my true self and its starting to feel like my true self is not my true self and that THIS is my true self. It started to not even feel scary and more like a fact that made me sad but still a bit uncomfortable. Ive had small moments of being like “thats not what i want” to the thoughts and being able to let them pass but when it gets bad it gets bad and it feels like you have no other option to really go in. It almost like distorts your brain even though a week ago i felt arguably the exact opposite of this. Its been like this for a couple of days now, ive seen him over the last couple of days so maybe the already sensitivity of it triggered it more being with him. (Side note i started my period the other day so i have felt overall more sensitive) please say im not the only one who is dealing with this and that its not just me, its kind of a nightmare. I hope this doesnt last forever because im also a bit worried that it’s never gonna go away and that its something i need to worry about.