niu

Date posted: 13h

Late in life coming out stories

I’m turning insane. I’ve just seen a video of a woman sharing her experience with coming out late in life and realising that she’s a lesbian in her 30’s. I started spiralling and kept on watching her videos until my whole algorithm was full of realisation/ coming out videos from lesbians. I’ve been in a (very loving) heterosexual relationship for 2 years now and I would label myself as heterosexual but I for example watched lesbian corn. Those coming out videos latch onto my memories and tell me that I’m secretly gay and it suffocates me. Especially if the videos are about coming out in marriages that went on for a long time. I have an incredible fear of missing out on signs that I deep down belong to another sexual orientation that I assumed to be. How do I deal with that?

goofy goober

Date posted: 11h

I deal with this too it’s so hard I try to remember my values but genuinely sometimes it feels so real at moments like yes she is so beautiful maybe I could possibly see myself kissing her then I get this awful anxious feeling in my gut and the spiral starts this is all an obsession compulsion cycle and it just never ends if you we don’t start it. I’m still trying to manage it and getting professionals input and definitely helped but definitely still have very hard moments often

niu

Date posted: 11h

@goofy goober Thank you for sharing your experience! Yes it’s like loosing yourself completely to your thoughts. It feels like a new person is being created and you get this sick feeling in your gut. And what drives me insane that a lot of queer people describe their experience of realising they were queer as a similar feeling. I then use this spiral as a proof that “see it matters because it’s true!” It’s a horrific cycle

goofy goober

Date posted: 11h

@niu it truly is and like the only real way to “get over it” is being comfortable in a grey area which SUCKS bc as people with ocd we have such all or nothing thinking yk

niu

Date posted: 11h

@goofy goober I appreciate you taking the time to react! It feels very good to have these exchanges with other people with OCD. It just makes way more sense for me then googling my symptoms and doubts just to end up on websites where they talk about signs for being queer 😭😭😭 and then restarting the whole spiral

goofy goober

Date posted: 11h

@niu yasss ik I really do like this app and being talk to people who genuinely have similar if not the same experiences as me it’s so tough navigating alone and this community rocks when we’re interactive!

niu

Date posted: 10h

@goofy goober Totally! It’s so validating yet niche

Cleanmyselfup

Date posted: 5h

@niu If your feeling negative about those feelings, the that's the key difference

Cleanmyselfup

Date posted: 13h

I would deal with it by not dealing with it, the thought is there but we don't have to engage or solve these thoughts

niu

Date posted: 13h

@Cleanmyselfup Thank you for replying. Yes you’re right of course. It’s just incredibly difficult because it would mean everything I believed to be true would be ruined

AnonymousAle...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 12h

@niu There are so many things that we discover about ourselves everyday! Never tried chocolate cake today and love it? Are you going to get anxious about how much time you missed out not having chocolate cake? No, you are going to just be happy that you discovered it! There is a fun saying of, "If you have to force a fart, it's probably sh*t". The only thing you can do is live with the uncertainty of your sexual orientation until you discover overwise.

niu

Date posted: 12h

@AnonymousAlexander Thank you so much for answering. Unfortunately I’m very anxious right now. All I’ve taken away from your answer was “there may be a time where you will discover otherwise” and I got hung up on it and froze again. I know that this wasn’t your message but it’s just extremely frustrating how OCD will have you see the world in this debilitating way.

Cleanmyselfup

Date posted: 12h

@niu The comment is saying to live with the uncertainty of it all, there may be a time when you discover it is the thing you fear, there may not. Sexuality is a very uncertain thing that doesnt always have yes or no answer that you can give ocd

Cleanmyselfup

Date posted: 12h

@niu That mindset is just ocd trying to reinforce itself

niu

Date posted: 12h

@Cleanmyselfup Thank you for your reaction, I really appreciate this

Cleanmyselfup

Date posted: 12h

@niu If it doesn't work at first, don't panic. Your brain takes a minute to adjust its mindset to erp (maybe maybe not, sitting with the thought, etc).

joyfilled

Date posted: 10h

For me I was afraid for years that I was gay and then I dated a few women and I was like oh! I’m not gay! And occasionally the thought will pop in my head but I really don’t want that so if you love your partner just stay with them. You have the choice. It’s not like there’s some secret other person inside you that you never met. I think that’s a big lie I latched onto.

niu

Date posted: 48s

@joyfilled That helped. You’re right there is no other secret person even though it sometimes feels like it. Thank you for sharing your experience.

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