A question for all my real event ocd people?

I was thinking about this lately, I am in substance abuse recovery and have OCD I did a lot of things in my active use that I wouldn’t normally do. I was comparing myself to other people who have been canceled (for violent and valid reasons), and quickly began to realize that my actions don’t make me a terrible person. I reacted to terrible situations, but my reactions didn’t define me. What I do with this experience defines me, and I have chosen to help others recover. Not sure if this helps, but with you. 🫂

Hi!! I wanted to leave a comment because this post really resonated with me. When I was 13-15, I suffered severe emotional abuse at the hands of my friend, which I ruminate about a lot. However, I was definitely not the “perfect victim”, I got angry and sad, scared and desperate. They screwed over my mental health so I said things that I deeply regret, I can admit that and take accountability for it but that doesn’t erase the fact that they hurt and abused me. But due to OCD, I often forget that and begin to ask questions such as “Was I doing enough to stop it?”, “Did I set enough boundaries”, “Did I enable it?” which leads me to extend myself less understanding. I can see that in your case you mentioned that your actions were taken because you needed to survive. That’s entirely normal human instinct, especially as a victim of SA. I think a lot of people have an obsession with black and white morality when humans tend to lean towards the grey, in situations like these, people are not always going to react “perfectly” and expecting them to do so is unrealistic. We’re wired to protect ourselves and survive when in danger or distress, whatever you did in those moments I would consider it to be survival. No matter what, you are deserving of justice and healing. What helps me is viewing the situation through this lens, a good question to start with is “Would I have done those things if I wasn’t in that environment?” More than likely, the answer is no. Putting it into context helps you empathise with yourself instead of trying to convince yourself those reactions are reflective of you as a person, when really, you were a human being reacting to your current environment. Secondly, I imagine a scenario where a friend of mine has went through the same thing as me and confided in me about it. If it were anyone but me, would I question their reactions or be sympathetic towards them? Usually, we find that we would be far more gracious towards someone else rather than ourselves. If someone else would deserve that compassion from you, why wouldn’t you deserve the same from them? I hope this helped even a little and I hope you know that if you ever need someone to talk to then I’m here. OCD is horrible but your trauma is valid and you’re allowed to heal from it. <3