I thought I'm getting better but however, no #ven

hi, sorry for replay so late i was just scared to look how others responded to my post t.t, when i first writed it i felt like saying what about are my intrusive thoughts gonna make it worse and make it "come true" and in general saying it out loud even as text makes me felt/feel quilty and ashamed :') but now after some time it's easier to say it , the intrusive thoughts are saying "I'm transphobic and i was never ally" (in general a lot of transphobic intrusive thoughts that made me feel quilty and like bad person ) but in the same time also "what if I'm transphobic because secretly I'm trans and I'm in denial". still the intrusive thoughts feels heavy but i guess it's little better? anyway thanks for asking and sorry for late Reply <33

@Just Maja Hi, thank you so much for replying. When you say, “Magical thinking”, does that mean that if you think or say something that you think it will happen? Sometimes I find prayer really helps me. I can understand that the trans fears would be scary because it’s a big deal to completely change one’s external gender. I have seen some videos where sometimes people who undergo these surgeries regret it because they don’t feel any better or any more “whole” afterwards. So I can understand being afraid of that. You had mentioned stopping the medication with a doctor. May I ask if you feel that it has helped you to stop? I was just curious. Only if you would like to share! I currently take something but I think it helps me. Thank you so much! 🙏🙏

@Hello777 you are welcome and thanks for being interested :) i guess the magical thinking in my case is more like when i say out loud about my intrusive thoughts then the intrusive thoughts are more real and dangerous ? without any big reason just it makes me feel this way about me being trans the problem is in my case is, i think i like being cis woman but my intrusive thoughts now tries to tell me "no you actually didn't enoyed being cis, you are in denial", at first i only had intrusive thoughts that I'm transphobic and that alone made me feel quilty and like I'm bad person (i have a lot of friends trans and also I'm pansexual ) but later i also started having intrusive thoughts saying "You are transphobic because you are trans in denial". and now my ocd analyzes everything i done or said in my past looking for proof that I'm trans in denial. especially it is hard because in past when i was teenager i had thought about if I'm trans (I wondered if I was a trans boy because i didn't like wearing dresses back then, but quickly i realized it was stupid because not every girl has to like dresses (now i like wearing dresses )), and a lot people say "none cis person thinks if they are really cis" etc and that makes me feel anxious but in general even thought i present myself as fem cis woman i also like things that are Stretotypically masculine things. i don't have any body dysmorphia (of course not every trans person needs to have body dysmorphia) and i didn't thought about changing anything in my appearance or body before i started having intrusive thoughts. in my history of having different themes of intrusive thoughts is The purpose of every intrusive thoughts is to question (make me doubt ) everything, my morality and even my identity, which they are both important to me :') now i regret i stoped taking medication because my ocd got just worse and i think about taking it again. I'm glad you found something that's helps You ! <333 Sorry if i I missunderstand something English is not my first language t.t

@Just Maja Hi! Thank you so much for writing back! I am taking Prozac and it has been helping me. In the past I took Zoloft and it helped me too, I think, but I know every person’s body is different. May I ask, you said that you are trans but you identify as a Cis woman. Does that mean you are a biological woman with some feelings about being the other sex? Sorry, I’m just trying to get the terms straight. I also think that some of these identities can be really confusing? Like if you are a biological woman but you enjoy dressing more masculine or doing some “masculine” things, I think that is fine!!

@Hello777 hi again ! :) I'm very happy that what you take helps you 🫶 I need to talk with my psychiatrist what medications can be prescribed for me Being cis (short for cisgender) means your gender identity matches the sex you were assigned at birth, so yes, you are right that I'm biological a woman :) In my case i can't tell if it's feelings or just fear about being the other sex or in general other gender identity (like for example being non binarny it's gender identities that is outside the male/female gender binary) Indentities can be confusing at first but they are important and makes people seen for who they really are. In general, I think women can do more masculine things and guys can do "women's" things and that doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. In my case my ocd just doubt everything even now my Identity, now i don't even really care what gender "I'm truly" i just want to feel sure and comfortable again 🥹 But in the end yeah i agree it's totally fine to like things that are not stereotypically prescribed to your gender 🙂‍↕️

@Just Maja Hi! Thank you for explaining that to me!

@Just Maja And I hope that you feel comfortable really soon! 🙏💖💖