Fear that healing won’t help with thoughts

Does anyone else have a worry that with rocd, even when you put in the effort to give yourself exposure to the fears and it does get better, that it won’t get as better as you expect and want it to. Like say this is what happened to me, the whole week i was really trying to sit with the discomfort and let the thoughts be there. And it DID help, i overall started to feel more connected to my partner for more than a day and obviously each day is different but still. When the time came for me to see him i feel like i felt really weird and although i didnt have such pressuring thoughts as soon as i was with him, i felt like if i wasn’t the way i expected myself to be now that i’m starting to feel like i’m slowly gaining myself back when im with him, then there could be a problem, but i don’t want there to be a problem. I did feel a bit triggered. I was in his house for the first time properly overnight so new environments can be a bit scary, and i was meeting a bit of his family for the first time the next day. So idk maybe i was putting pressure on myself to feel super affectionate perfectly but it wasn’t like that, i did have thoughts but trying to ignore them and keep going also felt wrong. (for context also on the aroace spectrum) I also got a bit overwhelmed with being intimate that i got upset and felt really bad about it and now i just kind of don’t know what i feel fully. does anyone else know what this is or is it normal?? Is it normal to feel like you are getting better when your away from them but then when the time comes for you to be with them you still feel weird or wrong? Even when logically you know nothing is really WRONG. Idk i feel kind of discouraged.

charlie.harr...

Date posted: Yesterday

have this conversation with your partner. if he is not accepting and willing to work with you and any sexual issues you may have maybe he’s not the one. you do not need to feel bad for any of it. sex is not as important as people make it out to be. it’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to not know. finding someone who is willing to help you through the unknowns is the most important thing. my partner and i have been together for nearly 4 years and that’s because we have those tough conversations. they don’t always end well but we still love and support each other and find ways to make each other comfortable without our needs being ignored. it is okay to have these feelings.

Swelll

Date posted: Yesterday

@charlie.harris13 Yes thanks, i have had conversations about this sort of stuff and he knows about my sexual orientation. Hes very respectful and only wants to do things that I’m comfortable with, i could just be getting into too much analysing with it.

charlie.harr...

Date posted: Yesterday

@Swelll it’s okay to ask for a reassurance on certain things as long as it doesn’t become an unhealthy coping mechanism. i’ll check in with my partner sometimes once a week because i’m not feeling great about myself and we have a conversation about it and how im feeling and how its silly because i know they love me and care about me and find me attractive my rejection/ self sabotage issues make that really hard to believe at times, you’re not alone in this

minioooons

Date posted: 19h

I think ocd has its ways of trying to twist whatever can being fearful is what fears it any ounce of nervousness it can latch onto it will, it seems like you’re aware of your sexuality as well as your partner is but I can see how difficult it is for you to not struggle with it and how real it must feel I get the same way (straight woman with so-ocd of being gay/bi)

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond