SOOCD - scared i cannot love / aroace fear

so pretty much since the pandemic i’ve been confused about my sexuality and nothing ever feels right. initially i was scared of being bisexual or a lesbian but i got over that and id be fine being either of those im simply not afraid. the fear that i cannot shake and i believe to be most likely at this point is i just cannot fall in love. i fear that im aroace and i cannot sustain a long term romantic relationship or have genuine feelings for anyone at all. it’s been like this for a while and i don’t know how to get better. i’m terrified of dating, being around people who might like me, of potentially liking anyone in case the feelings fade or i dont feel enough. it’s honestly one of the most frustrating themes ive had and i cannot escape it. the ability to not love romantically at all feels so isolating id literally rather be anything else. ive tried accepting this is just who i am but i cant i think id be miserable. i so badly want it to be ocd i feel helpless i want to do exposures but i dont want to lead anyone on or get my hopes up dating. it’s hard because i feel like any exposure involves someone else’s feelings. i just need advice im tired of worrying about this all day everyday.

Dannyr

Date posted: Yesterday

Maybe try telling yourself that there’s no rush to find love? Let love find you, focus on your goals, make friends, and wait for love, or maybe just wait until you are ready again. I don’t know anything about you but maybe you need a break from looking for love.

anca

Date posted: 14h

I related to the part about exposures involving someone else's feelings so much. I don't have the fear that I'm aroace but that I'm lesbian, however I experience feelings similar to yours in the sense that I'm afraid that I will date a man and initially like him but then the feelings will fade and I just won't feel anything for him or that I'll stay with him but never love him romantically. And I avoid dating too cause I don't want to lead a guy on. And ultimately my biggest fear is that if my worst scenario happens then I will have to experience the hearbreak of realizing that I'm never gonna have the love I've always wanted and that I'm gonna cause someone else hearbreak too. If experiencing love is something you deeply desire it makes sense that your ocd would attack it in any way it can. This theme sucks so bad because it twists every bit of nuance you may experience. I have days when I feel incredibly helpless too. I hope things get better for us.

thoughts2many

Date posted: 6h

@anca i’m so sorry this brought me a lot of comfort just to know that someone else understands how hard it is. i pretty much get the same thing i often think about wanting a boyfriend but i get terrified i wont really like him. unfortunately im not in therapy anymore, it helped a lot with my other themes but this one is so sticky. im trying to do erp by myself but im finding it so difficult if you have any tips or words of advice or even just want to talk from time to time it’d be something i really appreciate! i hope things continue to get better for you <3333

anca

Date posted: 33m

@thoughts2many I wish I could give you advice but I'm doing everything on my own too. But I'd like to talk!!

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