SOOCD / relapsing and losing hope

i feel like such a failure. i went to therapy last year via the nhs and it helped massively like genuinely my pocd and gender ocd and other taboo obsessions have genuinely gotten better and i feel like i can cope with them but with sexual orientation i feel so stuck. that has not improved. i don’t know if it’s because we didn’t give it as much attention or if it’s just because this fear is real. i don’t know what to do at this point. it sounds crazy to say because like pocd was the scariest theme i’ve ever had but this one is breaking me and i feel like it shouldn’t be? i want to go back in to therapy i feel like i cannot live like this but i just feel like the biggest failure because i know what to do. i know im supposed to do ERP & i know how this works but i have never been more stuck. i keep sinking back in to the same compulsions. i believe the fear is real and im just using ocd as a way to put off accepting it. i cannot afford a good weekly therapist. im a broke student. if i go to the GP what will happen will i get put back in talking therapy? will they even take me because ive been through it. will it even help? i feel like i know what to do and im still not getting better. i feel so hopeless i literally am depressed and ruminating all day. it’s all consuming. has anyone ever been back to talking therapy in the uk?

Anonymous30978

Date posted: 2d

I have no advice but I feel very similar with my themes of gender OCD. It’s all consuming and I’m terrified I’m just using OCD to brush it off. I had orientation OCD before the gender OCD, and ironically getting GOCD basically got rid of the SOOCD. GOCD and SOOCD are really intertwined and so difficult to talk about, especially if you’re already queer/trans. Best of luck to you, at least ur not alone

thoughts2many

Date posted: 2d

@Anonymous30978 i’ve been there with gender and it’s so difficult it truly wrecked me for years. gender and sexuality always feel like a big ball of tangled spaghetti. i hope i can come back one day and say things got better like they did with my other themes. i hope you can say the same. if you ever want to talk about your gocd i am here since i know what it’s like. i hope you look after yourself and treat yourself kindly today.

Anonymous30978

Date posted: 2d

@thoughts2many You too, take care of yourself

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User type: Staff

Date posted: 2d

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jacky :)

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m under the same boat, SOOCD has followed me for years and I hate that I’m able to get over my other themes BUT this one. There was a long moment that it went away, but back in 2024, SOOCD came back and just never fully went away. I start to question everything and whether it’s just me in denial and it stresses me so much. It’s been stressing me out more due to no longer getting anxious about these thoughts and it’s making me think that I genuinely am into the same gender. I don’t know, I’m just scared and annoyed. I hate that this is happening, I hate that it feels real, and I hate that it’s haunting me

thoughts2many

Date posted: 23h

@jacky :) i know how difficult it is i’m so sorry. i’ve been at my worst these days i spend hours researching almost punishing myself reading stories on reddit. i have hope things will get better for us. just know that not being anxious about the thoughts means nothing! i had the same thing with gender ocd… at some point after a year i stopped being anxious and just accepted this is who i am. i was still depressed, ashamed, uncomfortable. these are all feelings that intrusive thoughts can produce it’s not only anxiety so do not use it as a measure. i hope you’re doing ok today sending you support!!

jacky :)

Date posted: 17h

@thoughts2many Thank you so much. I’m sorry that things are tough for you right now. It’s all so exhausting having to be in this mental turmoil, but I have hope that we’ll overcome this. I’ve been trying to tell myself that the anxiety going away is a positive thing, but you know how OCD is lol, your words of encouragement are helpful, thank you again. May we overcome this 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

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