does anyone have advice or advice or experience?

i feel so irrational and logical at the same time. i feel like with other people it’s so easy to help. i have knowledge from my therapy course but i’m still depressed and terrified of what i feel currently. i know a lot of people feel like their ocd is unique but i really feel like no one talks about what i am struggling with which makes it feel more real. i don’t know if it’s ROCD or SOOCD or if im just ashamed and in some kind of denial. im terrified i cannot fall in love or feel romantic attraction. i am scared there is just something broken in me and i’ll never be able to have a long term romantic relationship. i so badly want to fall in love and meet someone i like but it feels dangerous. i feel like im leading people on by dating because i know i can never love them and even if i like someone it won’t last because the feelings disappear. i hear about people losing feelings in relationships, questioning if they love their partner, if they’re gay or still attracted but i’m too scared to even date. whenever i talk to people romantically i feel like i shut down & i never make it even close to a relationship. i have avoided any form of dating for three years and i haven’t liked anyone for so long. i worry that i just want to be normal and feeling so abnormal is why i cannot accept myself. i imagine romance and it feels so nice but im scared that in real life it’ll feel like nothing. i pretty much have no experience so i can’t even say i just want to fall in love again or i want to love my partner again. i’ve never been in love so you can imagine that makes it worse. then on reddit there are countless people who are aromantic and it terrifies me. i thought surely that means you don’t care or crave romantic attraction but there are people just like me who want love and just cannot feel it. who feel it and lose it and it makes me feel so ill and depressed. i want to fall in love one day and i want to know what it’s like. i’ve never been one of those people who needs a relationship but i always thought id love someone at some point but i feel so certain its not going to happen makes any motivation for life disappear.