I am scared of getting someone pregnant

I would GREATLY recommend anyone who reads this and can help me manage my sexual intrusive thoughts amongst my many other intrusive thoughts. I can really use any support and help possible. I feel very trapped and alone. For the past month or so I could not shake the thought that I have or will get someone pregnant and ruin my life and my relationship. Originally, I was receiving therapy for other reasons but once my therapist expressed to me that I “always have my support system to fall back on to” I gained a new fear. That being “what if I lost my support system?” And so my brain does what it does best and found a loop hole to my peace and confirmation and started making me second guess if I have gotten anyone pregnant and ruin my relationship with my girlfriend. I have known my girlfriend almost my whole life and she is my bestest friend. Never in a million years would I ever even think of hurting her but my mind is making me think I did or will in the future. Being away at school does not make this any easier either. It has gotten so bad that I cannot leave my house without being on the phone with either my mom or my girlfriend (basically as confirmation that nothing wrong can happen). I refuse to use public bathrooms as well. Pretty much anything public/exposed to other people makes me feel the need to call my girlfriend or mom at all times because I need to make sure nothing bad can happen, or more clearly, as bizarre and upsetting as it sounds, I need them to be on the phone to make sure I’m not having sex with anyone. I’d also like to note here that I do not drink, do drugs- I don’t even party. I’m actually very against doing any of these activities. In other words, I haven’t had any experiences where I may have been in an environment or headspace to ever do these actions I’m afraid of and yet they still feel so real and threatening. I don’t have a name, date, or memory. I just have thoughts, and yet they consume me. I love my girlfriend so much and I couldn’t imagine my life without her and I am just so scared of losing her. Cheating was something we never had to talk about be we are built on a strong foundation of love and trust. I’m not even scared of “ruining my life” per se but more so “scared of ruining my life with her.” If anyone has any experience with this and these irrational sexual intrusive thoughts, please let me know because I am struggling and need a lot of help right now. I am very lonely and sad. Is this an original experience? Thank you for taking the time to read my vent post.♥️♥️

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14h

You sound like you realise that this is irrational, which is a really positive thing. Phoning your mum/girlfriend is a compulsion. You're not joking to just randomly end up having sex with someone. What you need to do is work out what things you are/aren't doing so you can "be safe" then try as hard as you can to cut those things out, even if your mind screams at you. You mention you don't drink, party etc. If that's because you're just not interested then all good but if it's because you're worried something might happen, you're back in to compulsion world.

♥️👻

Date posted: 12h

@titaniumonetwo Thank you for the insight. I don’t drink, party, etc. because it is a moralistic choice. It’s just so hard to not call my mom of gf if I’m out in about because I don’t know how to fight off the idea of documenting my whereabouts

Anonymous

Date posted: 5h

@♥️👻 It sounds like the urge to document your whereabouts is part of the compulsion. Doing things in public without telling your girlfriend/mom where you are, documenting your whereabouts, or giving yourself a documented "alibi" might be a useful exposure for you.

LouLouDaki18

Date posted: 14h

one piece of advice i see on here frequently that helps me a lot is to keep your own morals in mind. your own ethics, morals, and values are what define you, not the intrusive thoughts

♥️👻

Date posted: 12h

@LouLouDaki18 Thank you for the reply! Yes, I do keep my morals in mind a lot but something that’s been happening recently is I am beginning to question if my intrusive thoughts are breaking my morals. I actually frequently say that “cheating is the worst thing you can legally do,” so I find it beyond weird I feel this way. In the same logic, I am very against vaping and drinking for example and so I never question if I ever have vaped or drank. I should realize I’d also never ever cheat either because cheating goes against my morals entirely.

username0192...

Date posted: 11h

I just wanted to say it’s really sweet how much you care about your girlfriend. ocd has a knack for attacking what we care most about. the irony here is that the compulsions you do puts a lot more of a strain on your relationship than the fear itself does. you’re giving ocd power and eventually that will prevent you from being fully present in your relationship. I know it is awfully hard but the best thing you can do for yourself and for your girlfriend is exactly what titaniumonetwo said—identify what your compulsions are (like calling your mom and girlfriend) and practice not doing them or at least delaying them. Are you working with a therapist currently? I know this is so hard but I know you can do this and I am here to talk more if you want

♥️👻

Date posted: 8h

@username0192837456 Hey, thank you so much for this. I am starting therapy with a new therapist tomorrow and I am so excited. I’d love to continuing talking to you. It is actually so hard for me to not call my mom or gf that i genuinely can’t leave my dorm if I do not have them otp. It’s almost impossible. I am not sure how to just “not” do it because I feel like If I don’t then I’m irresponsible and going to do something wrong so idk how exactly to just let myself not call someone.

username0192...

Date posted: 6h

@♥️👻 That’s great to hear about your therapist, they I am sure will help you a lot! Do they specialize in OCD? I know how difficult it can be to not do a compulsion so I totally get it that it feels impossible right now. With exposure therapy it’s been recommended to me to start with exposures that cause less anxiety first and then working your way up to the exposures that cause higher levels of anxiety. So it’s totally okay for you to not be able to not make these phone calls right away. There are small steps you can take to get there which hopefully your therapist can recommend. But just for example, one possibility is you could try leaving your house and waiting for several minutes before calling, and progressively increase the length of time until you feel comfortable not calling altogether. and putting yourself in safe environments during that initial period where you aren’t calling to make it more manageable. Feel free to reach out whenever or if you want to talk about anything in particular!

♥️👻

Date posted: 14h

I should also note that my fear is that basically one day someone will text me or see me and say… “hey, remember when me and you did this on (date)?” And Basically something I did in the past will come back and haunt me.

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